Connect with us

NewsBeat

‘My broken bones have healed but my broken heart may never heal’

Published

on

Manchester Evening News

Susan Whittles’ widow bravely faced her dangerous driver killer in court

The widow of a much-loved grandmother bravely faced the dangerous driver who killed his wife in court.

Advertisement

Susan Whittles was driving home from a Christmas shopping trip with her husband William Whittles in her Volkswagen T-Roc when an Audi A6 smashed into the side of the car. Driver of the Audi Timothy Kusemi was travelling at 50mph at the time, a court heard.

Mrs Whittle’s car rolled onto its side ‘as a result of the forceful impact’ and she sadly died of her injuries. The 70-year-old was described as a much-loved grandmother and local preacher.

Get MEN Premium now for just £1 HERE – or get involved in our WhatsApp group by clicking HERE. And don’t miss out on our brilliant selection of newsletters HERE.

Mr Whittles described in court how his wife was a ‘huge influence’ in the local community of their hometown of Bridlington. He told how he still has flashbacks to the crash that took his wife’s life as he faced Kusemi, 41, in court.

Advertisement

Hull Crown Court heard how Kusemi was on his way to work at a care home when he shot across a give-way crossroads in his Audi. The crash happened on November 24 2023 at 3pm on the B1253 Thwing Road, near Rudston, between Driffield and Bridlington, Hull Live reports.

Kusemi was northbound heading to work at Willows care home, Burton Fleming where he was due to start work at 3pm. It was a journey he had taken three times previously.

But that afternoon he failed to stop his Audi A6 and went across at 50mph. His car collided with a Volkswagen T-Roc, driven by Mrs Whittles. She and her husband were returning from a Christmas shopping trip to York.

Prosecuting, Jeremy Evans said Kusemi, a Nigerian national, was entitled to drive in the UK for 12 months after his arrival on a work-sponsorship scheme in 2022. The prosecutor said law permits drivers with a licence from their home country to drive in the UK for 12 months but they must pass a test to allow them to drive beyond that time limit.

Advertisement

Kusemi had passed his theory test but had twice failed the practical test. Mr Evans said: “The evidence is compelling. The tragic consequences resulted in him driving straight into the offside of the Volkswagen T-Roc driven by Sue Whittles.

“Mrs Whittles tragically lost her life, in all-likelihood, almost immediately as a result of the forceful impact that caused her vehicle to roll over and come to rest on its side on the grass verge.” In his victim personal statement, husband William Whittles, told how he was trapped in the front passenger seat of the vehicle, from which he was later cut free by firefighters.

He was airlifted to Hull Royal Infirmary where he received emergency medical treatment for serious injuries. Mr Whittles told the court his last words he can recall were “He’s not going to stop.” He said the car rolled several times and ended up in the door well with his wife strapped above him.

Advertisement

“I was able to hold her hand and beg her to stay with me. As medics fought to save her life, then there were the doctor’s awful words ‘We have lost your wife’.

“I still have flashbacks to the horror Sue must have felt as he hit us. I was badly injured due to the collision. I suffered a fractured ankle, fractured wrist, numerous broken ribs and compressed vertebrae,” said Mr Whittles. He spent four weeks in hospital and six weeks in a rehabilitation ward.

He added: “My broken bones have healed but my broken heart may never heal.” The widower said: “Sue was such a huge influence in the Bridlington community where we lived. She was a local preacher which she had been for 52 years and Girl Guide leader for a similar amount of time and over 30 years involvement with the Riding for Disabled charity.”

He said he struggled without his wife “by his side.” “The first Christmas without Sue was one of the hardest parts. A time usually filled with so much joy, taken from me because of your actions Timothy,” he said.

Advertisement

The husband said he had to pay £4,500 cost for a stairlift for his two-storey home because of his immobility. The crash injuries had also affected his balance severely and he is unable to stand for more than short periods of time and he suffers from panic attacks.

Mr Whittles said: “Timothy, your actions that day tore the centre of my universe from me.” He said their grandchildren miss their Nan.

Judge John Thackray KC commended him for his bravery reading the statement in court. His sons told of their devastation at hearing the news of the death of their stepmother and the impact it had had on their families.

Simon Whittles said: “Anniversaries are to be a poignant reminder of the events of that November night, Christmas, birthdays and November 24 itself . It has been very hard for us all losing such a loved, kind, generous and respected member of the family and has left scars which will never heal.”

Advertisement

Mr Evans said the reason for driving across the junction was inexplicable. Mitigating, Jessica Strange said her client was remorseful and always accepted he was at fault.

She said he was not racing or on his mobile phone or showing off as he was the only occupant of the car. “This is a hard-working young man with two children, highly-regarded by many.” She added: “He will punish himself for the rest of his life for the irreversible tragedy.”

Kusemi admitted causing death by dangerous driving and causing serious injury. He also admitted not having a proper licence. Judge John Thackray KC jailed him for a total of six years and banned him from driving for 11 years.

After the hearing Sergeant Rob Mazingham from the Serious Collision Unit of Humberside Police said: “When speaking to key witnesses from the scene, Kusemi’s driving prior to the incident was described as swerving all over the road, showing a lack of care when driving his vehicle.

Advertisement

“During the investigation it was established that Kusemi held a driving licence that was no longer valid for him to drive legally in the United Kingdom, and he was not fully qualified to drive here at the time of the collision. This was a tragic and entirely avoidable incident which resulted in one person losing their life and another being seriously injured.

“By driving dangerously and taking no consideration to any road signs ahead, this will now leave a devastating impact on the lives of the family involved”.

Source link

Advertisement
Continue Reading
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

NewsBeat

Gardens surrounding Tudor tower allowing visitors for exclusive open day

Published

on

Cambridgeshire Live

The gardens have many features and flowers that will be blooming in the spring

As the weather starts to improve thanks to the new spring season, you might be thinking of places you can visit to enjoy some time in the outdoors. Cambridgeshire has plenty of green spaces to see with your family but you also do not need to travel too far if you want to go somewhere new.

Advertisement

The National Garden Scheme puts on open days of gardens across the UK for people to enjoy throughout the year. The garden surrounding the Tudor Kirtling Tower will be open for one day on Sunday, March 29, and might be worth a visit if you love history.

The tower can be found right on the border of Cambridgeshire with its main feature nowadays being the three-storeyed Tudor gatehouse. The origins of Kirtling Tower date back to 1219 when it was a castle with a moat, a ditch, and a palisade.

The castle went through a range of rebuilds including in the 1550s by architect Francis Adams when it was renamed Kirtling Hall. The hall continued to be developed and by the 1660s, it was the largest country house in Cambridgeshire.

The property went into decline in the 19th century with most of the castle being pulled down in 1801. In the 1830s, the gatehouse was turned into a residential property and was renamed Kirtling Tower.

During the open day, guests will have a chance to walk around the 25 acres of parkland where you can see views of the surrounding countryside. The dry moat has been planted with daffodils and trees alongside the “beautifully designed garden”.

The garden has a range of historical features such as a Walnut Avenue and an ancient Tudor Walk. You can follow the grass paths to see lots of spring flowers blooming and take a look at the Cutting Garden, which is full of roses and sweet peas.

The Cloister Courtyard has been planted with hydrangeas and roses. There will be some craft and plant stalls to take a look at as well as light refreshments on offer.

Advertisement

Tickets for the open day costs £6 for adults and are free for children. Tickets can be booked through the National Garden Scheme website.

The gardens around the tower will be open from 11am until 4pm. Kirtling Tower can be found on Kirtling Road, which is around a 38 minute drive away from Cambridge via the A1303.

Source link

Advertisement
Continue Reading

NewsBeat

Pedestrian struck by scrambler in West Belfast

Published

on

Belfast Live

“The reckless actions of these youths could have caused serious injury or worse”

A pedestrian was struck by a scrambler in West Belfast on Friday, police have said.

Advertisement

West Belfast Neighbourhood officers are now seeking witnesses to the incident, and dashcam footage to be brought forward. The incident happened “in the vicinity of the crossing at the Dairy Farm, Stewartstown Road” at around 3pm yesterday.

“Around six youths were riding scramblers in an obviously dangerous manner when the collision occurred,” a police statement read.

READ MORE: 36 arrested during 12 hour police operation targeting wanted individualsREAD MORE: Child inside Moneymore home reportedly targeted in arson

“The reckless actions of these youths could have caused serious injury or worse. If you were in the Dairy Farm area at this time, did you witness this incident? If you have dashcam footage, we would urge you to check this and contact police with any information you can provide us with by calling 101 and quoting serial 877 of 13/03/2026.

Advertisement

“Due to the rise in offences involving e-bikes and scramblers, we also appeal to parents, if you know your child is a rider of one of these, please ensure they do not ride them illegally on the roads and in a dangerous manner which could potentially be fatal. Police are working alongside the community to help educate young people regarding the dangers of these bikes but we really need support from parents.

“Before you buy your child one of these bikes, please think twice as to whether they will be used in a safe and legal manner without causing a risk to the public and to themselves.”

Sinn Féin MLA Danny Baker said “the issues of E-bikes/scramblers and scooters has continued to grow”.

In a statement posted on social media, he said: “This afternoon, a woman was struck by a scrambler/E-bike on the Stewartstown Road as she crossed the road at the Dairyfarm.

Advertisement

“Thankfully, she is okay but badly shaken up. We’ve worked over a number of years to try and reduce scrambling on our roads, including harm reduction programmes, active policing, and community awareness.

“However, the issues of E-bikes/scramblers and scooters has continued to grow, lads flying up and down in dark clothes and faces covered. Ultimately, responsibility falls to the people riding these high-powered bikes illegally, and when underage, which they often are, their parents.

“Parents really need to ask themselves – will it be your son that kills or seriously hurts someone or themselves? This happened at 3 p.m. and involved a group of around 5/6 bikes.

“Police have deployed resources to try and find those responsible but are appealing for dashcam and other footage to help catch those responsible. If you have anything that could be useful, please contact 101.”

Advertisement

For all the latest news, visit the Belfast Live homepage here and sign up to our daily newsletter here.

Source link

Continue Reading

NewsBeat

The Claudia Winkleman Show ‘replacing’ Graham Norton Show

Published

on

The Claudia Winkleman Show 'replacing' Graham Norton Show

Jeff Goldblum, Jennifer Saunders, Vanessa Williams and Tom Allen joined the presenter for the first episode of her new chat series.

A new venture from the makers of the beloved Graham Norton Show, viewers couldn’t help but compare Claudia’s new show to the revered Irishman’s.

One viewer said on X, formerly known as Twitter: “Very entertained by everyone getting angry that this is “replacing”the Graham Norton Show which just got renewed for 3 more years #TheClaudiaWinklemanShow”

Advertisement

Another said: “I’m enjoying this but the “well conveniently we have a person who is an expert in the thing you randomly brought up” is a bit much… #TheClaudiaWinklemanShow”

Someone else commented: “If this was Graham Norton, this line up would be disappointing, but Jeff Goldblum is interviewing gold, simply because he has a tendency to agree with everything you say to him. Perhaps it should be Claudia asking all the questions though.”

Advertisement

One viewer was rather aggrieved at the lack of coverage Claudia’s show had received: “Claudia Winkleman’s chat show has barely had any press! Where has been the promotion?

“Rather odd to me.

“Taped show from weeks ago and little to nothing promo. Is this Claudia’s Davina McCall’s 2006 chat show all over again?”

Another person wrote: “If this was Graham Norton, this line up would be disappointing, but Jeff Goldblum is interviewing gold, simply because he has a tendency to agree with everything you say to him. Perhaps it should be Claudia asking all the questions though.

Advertisement

Claudia will be joined next week by comedians Joanne McNally and Guz Khan, stage and screen star Rachel Zegler and singer-songwriter Niall Horan.

The third episode will boast Jimmy Carr, alongside actors Chase Infiniti and Lisa Kudrow.

Source link

Advertisement
Continue Reading

NewsBeat

Jim Ratcliffe speaks out on ‘excellent’ Michael Carrick and permanent Man Utd job | Football

Published

on

Jim Ratcliffe speaks out on 'excellent' Michael Carrick and permanent Man Utd job | Football
Ratcliffe was giving little away on the future of Carrick (Picture: Getty)

Sir Jim Ratcliffe has hailed Michael Carrick’s impressive spell in charge of Manchester United – but refused to be drawn on whether he is closing in on the permanent gig.

Ruben Amorim was sacked in January with Carrick drafted in until the end of the season, tasked with steadying the ship and salvaging something from the 2025-26 season.

The former midfielder enjoyed a wonderful start with wins over Manchester City and Arsenal, taking 19 points from a possible 21 across his first seven games in charge.

While he suffered his first defeat to Newcastle United last time out, United are still in third place and firmly in the race for Champions League qualification.

Advertisement

Whether United qualify for next season’s competition could ultimately decide Carrick’s fate but his start has him sat as the bookmakers’ favourite for the permanent job.

Ratcliffe was in Shanghai  this morning for qualifying ahead of the Chinese Grand Prix with Sky Sports’ Craig Slater quizzing on Carrick’s chances of getting the permanent job at the end of the season.

‘He’s doing an excellent job, absolutely,’ Ratcliffe said. Asked whether he will get the job permanently if current form continues, the United co-owner said:  Not going there!’

Your football fix

Metro‘s Head of Sport James Goldman delivers punchy analysis, transfer talk and his take on the week’s biggest stories direct to your inbox every week.

Advertisement

Sign up here, it’s an open goal.

Ratcliffe is viewing Champions League qualification as a very realistic prospect, adding: ‘Yes, clearly we are thinking about that. But there are still seven or eight games to go so still a while to go.’

United have not made any decision on Carrick’s future at this stage with there still the possibility they turn to a new face at the end of the season.

Manchester United v Crystal Palace - Premier League
Carrick the current favourite for the job (Picture: Getty)

Oliver Glasner, Andoni Iraola and Unai Emery are among the Premier League managers who have been linked with the role with Germany boss Julian Nagelsmann another possible candidate.

Two names seemingly out of the frame are Thomas Tuchel and Carlo Ancelotti. Tuchel, who was interviewed for the United job before England came calling, has signed a new contract with the Three Lions through to 2028, seemingly placing him out of United’s reach.

Ancelotti meanwhile is prepared to extend his stay as Brazil boss beyond this summer’s World Cup.

Advertisement

Advertisement

Source link

Continue Reading

NewsBeat

Parking restrictions could be enforced around city housing estate

Published

on

Cambridgeshire Live

Residents are being encouraged to share their thoughts

Residents of Hampton Beach in Peterborough are being encouraged to have their say on council proposals to establish parking restrictions across the neighbourhood.

Advertisement

Peterborough City Council has announced it intends to install parking restrictions along 15 roads located around the area.

However, the council is welcoming input from local residents who would like to have their say on the matter.

These are the roads that will be affected by the new restrictions:

  • Adlington Close
  • Benington Close
  • Berrington View
  • Brodie Place
  • Chalice Close
  • Clovelly Drive
  • Emmetts Grove
  • Florence Road
  • Harmony Grove
  • Hartland Avenue
  • Kentwell Road
  • Rosewood Way
  • Waterhouse Way
  • Westbury Drive
  • Stockwood Close

Copies of the proposals, along with a statement of the council’s reasons for making them, can be requested by contacting Peterborough City Council’s Traffic Regulation department on 01733 747474.

Anyone who would like to object to the proposals must submit their opposition by April 2, clearly stating their reasons for objecting.

Advertisement

Source link

Continue Reading

NewsBeat

Are you paying too much tax to HMRC on your pension?

Published

on

Are you paying too much tax to HMRC on your pension?

In short, if you don’t understand the HMRC tax rules, you could pay more than you need to.

This guide breaks down how State and private pensions are taxed, when you can take money tax-free, and what happens if you live abroad or pass your pension on.

What income counts for Pension Tax?

Question: Which pensions and income are taxed?
Answer:
“You pay tax if your total annual income adds up to more than your Personal Allowance, says gov.uk.

Advertisement

This includes:

  • State Pension (basic or new)
  • Additional State Pension
  • Private pensions (workplace or personal) — some tax-free
  • Employment or self-employment earnings
  • Taxable benefits
  • Other income such as investments, property, or savings

Your Personal Allowance is usually £12,570. Income below this is normally tax-free.

Can I take any of my pension tax-free?

Question: What pension income is tax-free?
Answer:

  • You do not usually pay tax if your total income is below your Personal Allowance.
  • Up to 25% of any pension pot can be taken as a tax-free lump sum, with a maximum of £268,275.

Example:
“Your whole pension is worth £60,000. You take £15,000 tax-free. Your pension provider will then take off the tax from the remaining £45,000.”

Special cases:

  • Small pots: Up to £10,000 lump sum — 25% tax-free.
  • Trivial commutation: Total private pensions £30,000 or less, take it all — 25% tax-free.
  • Serious illness: Life expectancy under one year, may take the whole pot tax-free if under 75 and within allowance.

Find out more about individual lump sum allowances

How is pension tax collected?

Question: Who takes the tax?
Answer:
“Your private pension provider will usually take off any tax you owe before they pay you,” says gov.uk.

Advertisement
  • State Pension only: HMRC may send a Simple Assessment.
  • Pension plus working income: Tax usually handled via payroll.
  • Other untaxed income: You may need Self Assessment.

Recommended reading:


What happens if I live abroad?

Question: Will my pension be taxed if I retire abroad?
Answer: It depends on your residency and any double taxation treaties with the country you move to.

What If I Take a Large Lump Sum?

Question: Can I be taxed more if I withdraw a big amount?
Answer: Yes. Taking amounts over your allowance may trigger higher-rate Income Tax. Find out about lump sum charges and allowances on on the gov.uk website

What about inherited pensions?

Question: How is a pension taxed if someone inherits it?
Answer: Different rules apply to State and private pensions. Beneficiaries should check the tax treatment because there are different rules if someone inherits your pension

  • Know your total income — that’s what determines tax.
  • Up to 25% of pensions can be tax-free. Check your allowances.
  • Small pots, trivial commutation, and serious illness have special rules.

Source link

Advertisement
Continue Reading

NewsBeat

5 shoplifters sentenced recently at York Magistrates Court

Published

on

5 shoplifters sentenced recently at York Magistrates Court

Matthew Rawcliffe, 40, of Union Terrace, York, pleaded guilty to theft of seven cans of alcohol, theft of chocolates and sweets worth £246.60, theft of chicken and Easter eggs worth £43.95, theft of chocolate and sweets worth £159.75 and theft of chocolate and sweets worth £142.25, all from Tesco Express in Gillygate on different occasions.  

He was given a 12-month community order with 20 days’ rehabilitative activities and 100 hours’ unpaid work and banned from the Tesco store for 12 months.

Christopher Bullivant, 42, of Fishergate, York, pleaded guilty to theft of a mattress worth £179.99 from The Range on Jockey Lane and theft of gin worth £48.50 from Waitrose in York.

Advertisement

He was given a 24-week prison sentence suspended for 12 months. He must pay £48.50 compensation.

Craig Spurr, 47, of no fixed address, pleaded guilty to theft of Lego from B&M Home Bargains in Clifton Moor, obstructing police, theft of £50 meat from Tesco’s Goodramgate store, theft of meat from a M&S BP Garage, theft of butter and meat worth £39.68 from Sainsbury’s in Burtonstone Lane, Clifton, theft of meat worth £280.60 from Sainsbury’s in Haxby and possessing amphetamine. 

He was given a 24-week prison sentence suspended for 12 months and must pay £39.68 compensation.

Donna Ward, 54, of Burtonstone Lane, Clifton, pleaded guilty to stealing food worth £245 from Marks and Spencer in Parliament Street, York, food worth £131.90 from the Co-op store in Tang Hall Lane, and food worth £92.55 from Morrisons in Crichton Avenue, Clifton.

Advertisement

She was given a 12-month community order with 15 days’ rehabilitative activities and must pay £100 compensation.

Neil Friar, 43, of St Matthias Street, Burley, pleaded guilty to stealing electric toothbrush heads worth £98.88 from B&M in Selby and failure to attend court.

He was jailed for eight weeks and ordered to pay £98.88 compensation.

Advertisement

Source link

Continue Reading

NewsBeat

Therapy Topics ‘Otroverts’ Discuss Most, According to Therapists

Published

on

Therapy Topics 'Otroverts' Discuss Most, According to Therapists

Love taking personality tests, reading about pop psychology and learning more about yourself? You might have heard about “otroverts”. If not, no worries: we’ll catch you up to speed.

Psychiatrist Dr Rami Kaminski coined the term in his 2025 book, The Gift of Not Belonging. Otroverts are essentially people who look and act like extroverts, but need their “introvert time.” They often feel “othered” (“otro” means “other”).

If that description sounds like you or a loved one, you might want some insight into common otrovert struggles and therapists’ advice. If that’s the case, read on as therapists share common concerns they hear from otroverted clients, plus their expert-backed responses.

Common therapy topics among ‘otrovert’ clients

Advertisement

SDI Productions via Getty Images

Otroverts struggle with figuring out their energy levels, social pressures and more.

Confusion about their energy levels

Otroverts want to be social and relationally oriented, but it drains their nervous system. Those energy levels can cause them to feel confused and frustrated.

“They’ll say things like, ‘I can spend the whole night with friends and feel totally drained the next day,’ and feel bad about it,” said Claudia Johnson, a therapist and the owner and clinical director at PNW Sex Therapy Collective.

Advertisement

The confusion makes sense. They may wonder, if they’re “people-people,” why are social interactions so draining? And if they recharge with alone time, what makes them feel so guilty and anxious about doing it?

How their energy levels affect their relationships

Those experiences and feelings can also confuse or upset their loved ones.

“Many describe difficulty navigating relationships where partners or loved ones expect a consistent level of availability, because at times, they can show up fully,” said Amelia Kelley, a trauma-informed therapist, author, podcaster and researcher. “When their capacity shifts, their needs change, and this is often misunderstood.”

Advertisement

Over time, she continued, they begin to mask their limits and push through exhaustion, feeling shame and depletion. It’s a rough cycle.

Worrying about how others perceive them

Speaking of otroverts in relationships, another concern is feeling misunderstood or not seen (which comes back to “otro” meaning “other”). That can influence how they interact in and experience relationships.

“This can cause anxiety, worries of not being liked and patterns of people-pleasing,” said Jessica Steinman, a licensed psychotherapist. “Also, otroverts may have some past traumas or issues with ‘being othered,’ which causes the ‘extroverted need’ to be seen and fit in.”

Advertisement

Struggling in social settings and after social events

Otroverts may feel like “outsiders” since they don’t quite identify as an introvert or extrovert.

“Often, otroverts appear to be totally enmeshed in a social setting, sometimes even acting as the centre of attention, yet express feeling a sense of disconnection or loneliness afterwards,” said Allyssa Powers, a therapist, educator and YouTuber.

They may struggle both during and after the social gathering. “Further, these clients can describe feeling like they’re ‘too much’ in some settings and ‘not enough’ in others,” said Hallie Kritsas, a licensed mental health counsellor with Thriveworks in Jacksonville, Florida. “They can then struggle with navigating social energy, as they want connection, but need depth during the interactions and recovery time after.”

Advertisement

Overfunctioning in social settings (and secretly feeling exhausted after)

“Doing the most” is another big theme for otroverts in therapy.

“These clients may seem extroverted and cool on the job, but then they feel a cavernous internal processing and exhaustion,” said Vickery Rendall, a licensed clinical social worker and owner at Paper Birch Therapy, PLLC in Oregon. “The main presenting problem in therapy is emotional numbing or being easily annoyed with loved ones.”

Courtney Morgan, a licensed therapist and co-founder of TherapyList, also noticed that feeling burned out and almost resentful is “the biggest theme” with otroverts. That could be based on their interpretation of their “social role”.

Advertisement

“They tend to be the ones orchestrating everything … They spend their time in a group setting playing the role of an extrovert and also tracking how everyone else is responding,” she said. “Even though they perform well in social settings, they rarely feel fulfilled by them.”

After days like that, they may say something like this in therapy sessions: “Everyone thinks I’m confident, bubbly and social, but I’m exhausted, overwhelmed and don’t feel fully seen,” said Alyssa Kushner, LCSW, a licensed therapist and the owner of AK Psychotherapy in New York City and Washington, DC. She added how otroverts crave connection but don’t always feel anchored to it — which comes back to that common feeling of confusion.

Feeling like something is “wrong” with them

All the concerns mentioned above can cause otroverts to feel like they’re inadequate in some way.

Advertisement

“My otroverted clients come into therapy because they feel that they’re too sensitive, too quiet, get too socially drained when their peers don’t and feel like they’re somehow deficient because they don’t operate the same way louder and more externally expressive people around them do,” said Cristina Billingsley, a trauma and anxiety therapist and the clinical director of Sierra Center for Wellness in California.

She added: “My clients report feeling chronically overstimulated, that they’re the only ones who feel this way, that no one gets them or that they have to perform and match the energy and intensity of their colleagues and friends.”

How therapists respond to those common concerns

Setting boundaries and learning to be OK with your needs will help ortroverts not feel so torn or guilty.

Noko LTD via Getty Images

Setting boundaries and learning to be OK with your needs will help ortroverts not feel so torn or guilty.

Normalise the experience

Advertisement

It’s OK to want to connect with people sometimes and to need space from them other times. That doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with you, or that you’re “actually” an introvert or extrovert. In fact, several of these therapists identify as otroverts. They encourage you to think about what you need in each moment and respect it.

“I work with them on unmasking so they can notice when they are pushing past their limits and start honouring their actual capacity instead of the version others expect,” Kelley said. “I remind them that they are allowed to have changing needs, and that needing space or adjustment does not mean they are inconsistent, unreliable or letting anyone down.”

Encourage self-compassion

As mentioned, understanding your needs and giving yourself grace is key. Jacov encouraged his otroverted clients to honour both their social side and their solidarity side, hoping they can learn to navigate social obligations with feelings of self-assurance and safety.

Advertisement

“We learn to tune into the body to recognise what level of energy is actually available,” he said. “We build compassion and even appreciation for having these two opposing parts.”

Cognitive reframes can help. For example, Billingsley suggested saying that the temperament is a strength rather than a flaw.

Help with boundary-setting

The focus, Steinman said, is ensuring these clients get their needs met and can assertively set boundaries. That may mean saying “no” to a friend’s invitation, or even saying “no” to themselves.

Advertisement

“We also look at how someone can take a step back and know when they need to get their ‘cup refilled,’ have self-care and tolerate any uncomfortable thoughts or feelings when they want to lean into their introverted side,” she said.

Adjust unhelpful thoughts

Rendall reminded her clients that they are worthy people outside their titles and social roles. They don’t need to constantly “perform” to be valuable.

Realising which self-expectations are unrealistic can help with that, according to Morgan. She reminded her otrovert clients that they don’t have to do it all. “We practice letting silence exist, energy dip and letting someone else manage small hiccups,” she said.

Advertisement

It takes practice, but it can be effective. Ultimately, focus on what feels good for you in the moment.

“The ultimate goal here isn’t to become more introverted or more extroverted,” Kushner said. “It’s to feel regulated and authentic in both modes, and to be selective with who and what you give your precious energy to.”

Source link

Advertisement
Continue Reading

NewsBeat

a biting tale of female loneliness and obsession

Published

on

a biting tale of female loneliness and obsession

After the sensational reception of her novel Butter (2017, translated into English in 2024), Asako Yuzuki is back with Hooked (translated by Polly Barton) – a novel about loneliness and the sometimes twisted and complicated relationships between women.

The book revolves around two very different women in their 30s in Tokyo. Eriko is a career-driven woman with a stable income in a trading company, born and raised in Tokyo. Shōko is a housewife and blogger who writes about her daily life with her husband.

Despite having taken such different life courses, what they have in common is a sense of loneliness and a struggle to create meaningful connections with other women. When the pair form an unlikely and intense friendship, they experience a brief euphoric connection, feeling like they have become “an invincible duo” for a while.

Japanese fiction in translation, especially contemporary women’s writing, is on the rise. Bestselling translated fiction from Japan – from Sayaka Murata’s Convenience Store Woman (2018) to Emi Yagi’s Diary of a Void (2024) – often focus on single women in Tokyo. Not necessarily career-driven or looking for success in a corporate world, they also typically have no intimate partners or children.

Advertisement

To some extent, the main characters in these novels are not conventional heroines. They don’t need or want to be rescued by Prince Charming; instead, they navigate the expectations placed on them to offer care in other forms. Such pressure comes from their families, workplaces and, more broadly, from society. Amid all of this, they feel a profound sense of loneliness which mirrors growing concerns in Japan.

Japan has long grappled with the issue of severe social isolation. Often, the focus of this loneliness epidemic has been on young men; however, women are starting to feature more in such conversations.

The number of women referred to as hikikomori (extreme social recluses) is increasing. In a 2023 survey by the Japanese government, women represented 45% of hikikomori between the ages of 15 and 39, and 52% of those between 40 and 64. The survey found such social withdrawal was driven by a range of reasons, from domestic violence and abuse to financial hardship and job loss.

In Hooked, as the title suggests, female loneliness is explored through how it can give way to intense female friendships and the dangers of obsession.

Advertisement

Eriko appears to be the epitome of a modern city girl, raised by a happy family and holding a high-earning job. Yet her achilles heel is that she has never had close friendships with other women.

Infatuated with Shōko after their encounter, Eriko advances from being a fan of Shōko’s blog to first being her friend and then her stalker. Shōko, despite also feeling a sense of inferiority about not having female friends, is shocked by Eriko’s obsessive behaviour and rejects her suffocating approach. Their fallout leads to secrets, blackmail and coercion.

The Japanese title, Nairupāchi no Joshikai (Nile perch’s ladies night out), is indicative of the murkier elements in women’s relationships with each other. A Nile perch is a carnivorous fish that grows up to two metres long and weighs up to 200 kilos. Their literal involvement in the story comes from Eriko’s work: she has been preparing to reopen a trade route from Tanzania to distribute them to places like sushi restaurants.

Eriko’s fascination with the fish is not only for their business value, but also their ferocity. She admires how the Nile perch totally desecrates any surrounding ecosystem it enters:

Advertisement

Even in waters across Japan, ecosystems are being destroyed by the unregulated influx of invasive species. The creatures have to compete for food, ecosystems and mates. It doesn’t end until one of the species is wiped out. The result? The creation of a monster.

The Japanese title puts these monstrous fish into a joshikai, which translates as a meeting or gathering (会) of girls or women(女子). This is usually where women gather to eat, drink, chat, console each other and have fun. It is (hopefully) a place for them to support each other.

However, considering the ferocity and vitality of Nile perch, this novel recasts a joshikai as a site of intense competition for survival. As Eriko says to Shōko:

The reason that women’s competitiveness over minor issues like marriage, kids or looks stops them from getting along, even now, isn’t through any desire of their own. It’s because society foists all these standards on us. The world we live in is specifically designed to make us compete.

Yuzuki’s intense and obsessive novel explores the tensions of female solidarity through women seeking the hope and possibility of connection, in a quest to feel less lonely. It interrogates the difficulties that obstruct these connections and how they are rooted in gender inequalities, class differences and precarious employment.

What is fascinating about Hooked is how Yuzuki allows moments of madness to erupt into daily life. At times, the intensity of the characters can make it hard to keep engaging with the book, yet readers will find themselves drawn back to the lives of Eriko and Shōko. These characters are well-rounded figures, powerfully relatable for anyone navigating the complicated dynamics of gendered issues.

Advertisement

Source link

Continue Reading

NewsBeat

Phil Woolas death: New Labour era minister who served under Tony Blair and Gordon Brown dies aged 66, family announce

Published

on

Phil Woolas death: New Labour era minister who served under Tony Blair and Gordon Brown dies aged 66, family announce

Phil Woolas, a former Labour minister and MP, has died at the age of 66, his family and close friends have announced.

Mr Woolas, who died in the early hours of Saturday, served as a minister in both the Blair and Brown governments, and as MP for Oldham East and Saddleworth between 1997 and 2010.

A statement attributed to his family and close friends announcing his death said he had been battling bran cancer for more than a year.

“Phil Woolas, former Labour MP and minister, has died aged 66”, the statement said.

Advertisement

“For more than a year he battled the brain cancer, glioblastoma. He leaves his wife Tracey, his sons Josh and Jed and a new grandson, and many friends and former colleagues who will all miss him greatly.

“Before entering Parliament, Phil was NUS president, TV producer and GMB union communications director.

“He served as MP for Oldham East and Saddleworth from 1997 to 2010, and a minister in both Tony Blair and Gordon Brown’s governments – appointed successively: whip, deputy leader of the Commons, local government minister, environment minister and immigration minister.”

The statement from his friends and family added: “From 2011 onwards, Phil set up and ran his own political and risk consultancy.

Advertisement

“For more than 25 years, Phil was the chair of The Ace Centre, an Oldham charity helping people with communication difficulties, that he led to become a national charity leader in assistive technology for severely disabled people.”

This is a breaking news story. More to follow…

Source link

Advertisement
Continue Reading

Trending

Copyright © 2025