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The Most Haunting Moments on Every Season of ‘Love Is Blind’

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The Most Haunting Moments on Every Season of 'Love Is Blind'

There have been many haunting moments throughout six U.S. seasons of Love Is Blind—and many more, to be sure, on its spin-offs around the globe and its seventh U.S. season, premiering on Oct. 2. Of course, the entire premise of Love Is Blind is somewhat scary to begin with: a week, give or take, to decide on an engagement, and another few to decide on committing to marriage. As married co-hosts Nick and Vanessa Lachey put it: “Will you get married—or will you choose to walk away forever?”

This artificial binary is, of course, not a sane or rational way to approach love and marriage. That approach would include a third option somewhere in the middle, like choosing to continue the relationship away from the lights and cameras to see if it has long-term potential, before making a lifelong commitment. But reality television was not made to be sane or rational, and many of the contestants on the show say they are indeed there because all their sane and rational ways have left them unhappily single.

There are plenty of other haunting aspects of the Netflix reality series, from its archaic monogamous heteronormativity to the multiple lawsuits alleging dangerous working conditions, a lack of consideration for participants’ mental health, and sexual assault (all claims which the production companies that make the show have denied). It is, to put it plainly, not an entirely guilt-free guilty pleasure.

And yet, the show has only grown more popular: In early March the last season topped Nielsen’s streaming viewership ratings for the first time, with 2.11 billion minutes viewed in the previous week. Which is to say, viewers will be seated for season 7, which features a cast from the Washington, D.C. area looking for their own fairy-tale endings. In time for the new episodes, we’ve looked back on four years of the show to hand-pick the most unforgettable moments, in which villains were born, dogs were plied with Merlot, and one brokenhearted man-child rode off into the sunset on a jet ski.

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Jessica gives wine to her dog, whom she maybe loves more than her fiancé (Season 1)

The most haunting moment of the first season of Love is Blind did not occur between two humans. It transpired between a human and a canine, when Jessica lowered her goblet to allow her pooch, Payton, to lap up some red wine. The backlash was swift and loud, if lighthearted; Jessica was already receiving criticism for her handling of her relationship with the decade-her-junior Mark, and viewers may have been on the lookout for flaws. Jessica later told Entertainment Weekly that doggie happy hour wasn’t a regular occurrence in her home, chalking the moment up to her overall discomfort while filming, and adding that her discomfort with the entire set-up of the show led to an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. According to her Instagram, not only is Jessica now married (though not to Mark) with a baby, but Payton recently celebrated her 10th birthday. Instead of a nice Merlot, though, she marked the occasion with a jog on the beach.—Eliza Berman

Shake asks if he could put Deepti on his shoulders (Season 2)

Love Is Blind. Abhishek Chatterjee in season 2 of Love Is Blind. Cr. Patrick Wymore/Netflix © 2022
Abhishek “Shake” Chatterjee stirring the pot in Season 2 of Love Is BlindCourtesy of Netflix

Despite the fact that he was on a show called Love Is Blind, where the entire premise is that you can fall in love with someone sight unseen, Abishek, who went by “Shake,” was obsessed with what the physical bodies of his potential mates looked like. In the pods, instead of pursuing emotional connection, Shake brazenly screened his dates about their bodies, even going so far as to ask one what size she was and telling another that he preferred to date people that “work out.” The most egregious display of this was his first conversation with Deepti, a contestant he would later propose to, where he queries whether or not she’s thin enough for him to put her on his shoulders at a music festival, asking her, “Will I have trouble picking you up?” For Deepti, this question foreshadowed how their romance was doomed from the start. “Shake doesn’t understand how Love Is Blind has to work,” she said in a confessional after his question. “The whole point is finding out who we are as people—not ‘Can you carry me?’’’ While the couple did get engaged, their relationship was rocky, mostly plagued by Shake’s shallow judgments and self-hatred (in addition to being sizeist and misogynistic, the man also seemingly has internalized racism, having only dated white women before Deepti, then loudly proclaiming he wasn’t physically attracted to her and comparing her to his aunt) and ended when Deepti left Shake at the altar. In the years since they broke up, Deepti went on to date another Love Is Blind contestant, Kyle Abrams (the two split in 2023), while Shake, appropriately, appeared on House of Villains. —Cady Lang

Zanab, Cole, and the Cuties (Season 3)

LOVE IS BLIND (2022)
From left: SK Alagbada, Cole Barnett and Bartise Bowden in Love Is BlindNetflix

This one required a more thorough analysis. For a primer on what a breakdown in communication over a couple of mandarin oranges says about why it can be so hard for partners to get on the same page, read here.

Bartise and Nancy’s abortion conversation—and Bartise in general (Season 3)

Love Is Blind. (L to R) Bartise Bowden, Nancy Rodriguez in episode 306 of Love Is Blind. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2022
Bartise Bowden and Nancy Rodriguez Courtesy of Netflix

I still remember—with harrowing clarity—the abortion conversation between Bartise and Nancy. In a conversation outside of the pods and in the real world, walking red flag Bartise says that people should only be allowed to have one abortion in their lifetime. They get one “pass.” Nancy vehemently disagrees. “I have no say in anyone’s body. If you need to have an abortion, have it,” she says. It’s refreshing to see a reality star speak so plainly about abortion—and just as tiring to see Bartise use this debate as ammo when Nancy meets his family for the first time (supervillain behavior). His sister starts sobbing. His family is in tears over Nancy being pro-choice! And though this should have been a topic covered in the pods, I’m glad they discussed it at some point. It should surprise no one that these two didn’t end up together. —Meg Zukin

Colleen takes Matt to be her lawfully wedded husband (Season 3)

“I do” are the words that viewers wait all season to hear. Even when a couple’s potential for lifelong bliss seems doubtful, it’s hard not to get caught up in the moment. A rare exception was Colleen’s decision to marry Matt, after a courtship marked by his scolding, tantrums, and general air of possessiveness. As the camera zoomed and the heart-pounding percussion kicked in, she told him: “You are my person, 1000%, and I will be there for you no matter what… Matty, I do.” By all rights, that vow should’ve been punctuated with the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme song. But hey, the marriage has apparently lasted, so what do I know? —Judy Berman 

Zach chooses Irina (Season 4)

Love is Blind. (L to R) Zach, Irina in episode 404 of Love is Blind. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2023
Zach and Irina, before everything blew upCourtesy of Netflix

When criminal defense attorney Zack proposed to event planner Irina in the pods, it was the record scratch heard around the world—or at least among Love Is Blind viewers. The choice felt doomed from the start. Zack, who was caught in a love triangle with Irina and program manager Bliss, felt spectacularly incompatible with Irina. He was quirky, if a little corny. He was a hopeless romantic. His favorite song was Lee Ann Womack’s “I Hope You Dance.” Irina, famously, was none of those things: she assumed the role of Mean Girl Supreme with a ferocity that would make Regina George blush. In the end, the couple didn’t last very long (the relationship went cold a mere few days outside the pods), and post filming, Zack admitted he regretted his initial decision. But, in perhaps one of the juiciest redemption arcs of the show, Zack ended up tracking down Bliss and proposing to her—and they’re still growing strong. In fact, Zack and Bliss are expecting their first baby this spring, the first couple to announce a pregnancy from the show. A true rom-com ending! —Rachel Sonis

Chelsea and Kwame’s Calvin Klein photoshoot (Season 4)

Love is Blind. (L to R) Kwame, Chelsea in episode 405 of Love is Blind. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2023
Kwame and Chelsea in Season 4Courtesy of Netflix

Chelsea loves Calvin Klein. Kwame loves Chelsea. So why on God’s green earth would Kwame deny his future bride her girlhood dream of stripping down to her skivvies with her husband-to-be for an engagement photoshoot themed around CK underthings? “They’re definitely gonna be on the sexy side,” she tells the photographer. “I envision bed shots, window shots, couch shots. Definitely, like, boudoir vibes.” The result: two matching underwear sets, lots of free (if also weird) advertising for Calvin, and a series of images that showed the couple’s family more of their new in-laws than they necessarily wanted to see. Bless these two. —J.B.

JP scandalized by the sight of… makeup (Season 5)

Love is Blind. (L to R) Taylor Rue, Jared Pierce in episode 506 of Love is Blind. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2023
Taylor Rue and Jared Pierce, shortly before calling it quits in Season 5Courtesy of Netflix

JP and Taylor fell for each other fast in the pods, but their romance stalled out after the reveal, as he clammed up during their trip to Mexico. An exasperated Taylor finally got some answers one night, in bed, when she stopped trying to placate JP and pressed him to tell her what was wrong. It turned out that his problem was makeup—namely, the cosmetics she wore while, understandably, trying to look her best for their first face-to-face meeting. “It felt like you were fake,” he complained. “You had a cake-up face, fake eyelashes… I had makeup all over my jacket.” What’s more unhinged: destroying your entire relationship with someone you’d claimed as your soulmate over some mascara, or being aghast at the sight of a woman wearing a lot of foundation on that monument to artifice we call reality television? Taylor didn’t stick around to find out. The next morning, she broke off the engagement and headed home early. —J.B.

Stacy’s financial expectations (Season 5)

Love is Blind. (L to R) Izzy Zapata, Stacy Snyder in episode 507 of Love is Blind. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2023
Izzy Zapata and Stacy Snyder in Season 5Courtesy of Netflix

Jennifer Lopez may have made the case that “Love Don’t Cost a Thing,” but on Love Is Blind season 5, love definitely had a cost for Stacy and Izzy. While the couple had undeniable chemistry both in the pods and in Mexico after they got engaged, they ran into friction once they entered the real world and Stacy made it clear that she expected a certain kind of lifestyle—one that involved international travel and not eating off of paper plates. Her expectations were aggravated by Izzy’s reluctance to have discussions about the stability of his job (Stacy was concerned that he received no benefits and was a 1099 contractor) and his 580 credit score, while Izzy was so frazzled by Stacy’s demands that he ended up crying in a closet. Stacy’s father, however, may have summed up the disparities in their relationship best when he memorably told Izzy: “Love is blind, but sometimes love wants to fly first class.” The couple did not end up tying the knot in the finale and broke up a week after their would-be wedding. Stacy began dating another reality dating show star, Married At First Sight’s Ryan Ignasiak, while Izzy gave love another shot (this time, with an improved credit score) on a different Netflix dating show, season 2 of Perfect Match.—C.L.

Lydia and Milton get married (Season 5)

Love is Blind. (L to R) Lydia Velez Gonzalez, Milton Johnson in episode 510 of Love is Blind. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2023
Lydia Velez Gonzalez marries Milton Johnson in Season 6Courtesy of Netflix

The Lydia-Milton situation was hard to watch from start to finish. First came the revelation that Lydia supposedly knew that a man she’d previously been involved with, Uche, would be on the show when she signed up for it, breaking the whole “blind” aspect of its pact. Next came Uche’s accusations of unhealthy behavior toward him in the real world, which she denied. Then Lydia started talking about it all with Uche’s love interest, Aaliyah, who decided to leave the show early due to the drama. Amid it all was the connection between Lydia, 30, and Milton, then 24, over, I guess, an appreciation for rocks? The collective cringe many viewers felt when the two became the only couple in season 5 to place rings on one another’s fingers came from the perception that Milton was just not at a stage of his life when he was ready to make a lifelong commitment and Lydia was at a stage of her life when she appeared ready to say “yes” to any decent man who asked. Maybe, though, the joke is on us…as of just last week, over two years into their (partly long-distance) marriage, they appeared in an Instagram post together trying to get a brand deal with Doordash. And what says true love if not that?—E.B.

Clay at the altar (Season 6)

Love is Blind. (L to R) Ad, Clay in season 6 of Love is Blind. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2024
AD and Clay come to different conclusions on their wedding dayCourtesy of Netflix

AD was ready. There was no hesitation in her “I do” to Clay at the altar—and the man looked beyond thrilled to hear her promise to love him forever. But when it was his turn to make the same vows, Clay broke AD’s dreams in a couple of confounding sentences: “I don’t think it’s responsible for me to say ‘I do.’ But I want you to know I’m rocking with you.” Faced with the prospect of marriage, Clay seemed to consider a few serious things for the first time, like the lingering effects of his father’s infidelity on his own views on commitment and what being a husband really meant. He wasn’t ready to figure it all out with AD. That’s fine! No one should get married if they’re not ready. But in the emotional few weeks of their relationship, Clay definitely made it seem to AD like he was willing to try. Clay’s “game time decision” to say no to AD at the wedding fulfilled the point of the show, sure, but it was also painful to watch her get hurt. Though she loved him, and made it clear she would have supported him through anything, AD has since said that the moment of rejection ensured she will not be getting back together with Clay. —Mahita Gajanan

Jeramey rides a jet ski (Season 6)

Love is Blind. (L to R) Jeramey, Sarah in season 6 of Love is Blind. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2024
Jeramey ends things with Lauren and gets right back up on that jet ski with SarahCourtesy of Netflix

“Don’t share your f-cking location if you don’t want me to check it at 5 a.m.” And with that, season 6 contestant Laura offered a nugget of wisdom that may seem obvious but apparently wasn’t to her then-fiancé Jeramey. The advice came in the ninth episode, when a furious Laura confronted Jeramey after he stayed out all night, returning home at about 6 in the morning, leaving nearly four hours unaccounted for, since their local bars closed at 2 a.m. Laura tracked Jeramey’s roving blue dot all the way to the part of town where his No. 2 in the pods, Sarah Ann, lived, learning that her fiancé had not shut the door to the possibility of a future with someone else. It was the prelude to a broken engagement, though not the most shocking moment between the couple. That happened two episodes later, when they finally called it quits and Jeramey provided one possible answer to the question, “What becomes of the brokenhearted?” Why, they get on a jet ski and ride off into the Charlotte sunset with the other woman.—E. B.

Chelsea and Jimmy’s season-long fight (Season 6)

Love is Blind. (L to R) Chelsea, Jimmy in episode 609 of Love is Blind. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2024
Chelsea and Jimmy in the midst of one of many unpleasant conversationsCourtesy of Netflix

The Ballad of Chelsea and Jimmy is one of many verses; it’s difficult to choose the greatest moment of discord between the ill-matched pair. They got off to a rocky start when she apparently did not live up to the expectation she planted in his brain that she bore even a little resemblance to Megan Fox (reader, she does!). Then there were all the fights, so many it’s almost as though they were one continuous nightmare: Chelsea’s irrepressible insecurities; Jimmy’s inability to give her the reassurance she demanded or to let go of the woulda coulda shouldas around “she’s hot but then again she’s a mom” Jessica; the fundamental disconnect over his very close relationship with a female bestie. It all came to a head at a closed-for-the-season amusement park where, after asking Chelsea if she would say “yes” at the altar, Jimmy conceded that he wouldn’t, and it all came crashing down…or did it? It would appear that the pair has, for now, found peace: they were spotted dining out together in what appeared to be relative tranquility.—E. B.

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Uber to launch limited-edition safari experiences in South Africa

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Uber to launch limited-edition safari experiences in South Africa

Uber is launching a limited-time safari experience in Cape Town, South Africa, available from 4 October, 2024, to 25 January, 2025, as the latest experience in their ‘Go Anywhere’ series of travel products

Continue reading Uber to launch limited-edition safari experiences in South Africa at Business Traveller.

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‘There’s No Safety’: Decision to Leave Ends in Tragedy for Lebanese Family

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‘There’s No Safety’: Decision to Leave Ends in Tragedy for Lebanese Family

Zahraa Badreddine fled Nabatieh in southern Lebanon as Israeli airstrikes intensified, hoping to find safety in a predominantly Christian area closer to the coast. But last Sunday, an airstrike near Sidon killed her two children.

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Parental rights ought to be motherhood and apple pie

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You wrote about Kemi Badenoch’s controversial comments on maternity pay at the Conservative party conference (Report, October 1), yet over the past two weeks a broader and ongoing clash of opinions over parental rights has been unfolding.

Deloitte made a clear statement by equalising parental leave, Campaign group The Dad Shift called for longer paternity leave and Badenoch argued statutory maternity pay is “excessive”. What’s clear is the lack of consensus on how best to support working parents.

But this isn’t about pitting genders against each other over caregiving roles or trading the “motherhood penalty” — the term used to describe the disadvantages that working mothers face in the workplace compared to childless women or men — for a broader “parenthood penalty”.

The choice hinges on organisations offering extended or equalised parental leave to encourage fathers to share responsibilities — critical to reducing the motherhood penalty, which accounts for 80 per cent of the gender pay gap. A cultural shift is needed where senior leaders model and endorse active parenthood to create an environment where both men and women feel confident using parental support without fear of damaging their careers or reputations.

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Emma Spitz
Chief Client Officer and Parental Transition Coach, The Executive Coaching Consultancy, London EC3, UK

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Israel strikes heart of Beirut, killing six

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Ongoing hostilities between Hezbollah and Israeli forces in Lebanon

By Timour Azhari and Ari Rabinovitch

BEIRUT/JERUSALEM (Reuters) – Israel bombed central Beirut in the early hours of Thursday, killing at least six people, after its forces suffered their deadliest day on the Lebanese front in a year of clashes against Iran-backed armed group Hezbollah.

Israel said it conducted a precise air strike on Beirut. Reuters witnesses reported hearing a massive blast, and a security source said it targeted a building in central Beirut’s Bachoura neighbourhood close to parliament, the nearest Israeli strikes have come to Lebanon’s seat of government.

At least six people were killed and seven wounded, Lebanese health officials said. A photo being circulated on Lebanese WhatsApp groups, which Reuters could not immediately verify, showed a heavily damaged building with its first floor on fire.

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Three missiles also hit the southern suburb of Dahiyeh, where Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah was killed last week, and loud explosions were heard, Lebanese security officials said. The southern suburbs came under more than a dozen Israeli strikes on Wednesday.

A day after Iran fired more than 180 missiles into Israel, Israel said on Wednesday eight soldiers were killed in ground combat in south Lebanon as its forces thrust into its northern neighbour.

The Israeli military said regular infantry and armoured units joined its ground operations in Lebanon on Wednesday as Iran’s missile attack and Israel’s promise of retaliation raised concerns that the oil-producing Middle East could be caught up in a wider conflict.

Hezbollah said its fighters engaged Israeli forces inside Lebanon. The movement reported ground clashes for the first time since Israeli forces pushed over the border on Monday. Hezbollah said it had destroyed three Israeli Merkava tanks with rockets near the border town of Maroun El Ras.

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Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, in a condolence video, said: “We are at the height of a difficult war against Iran’s Axis of Evil, which wants to destroy us.

“This will not happen because we will stand together and with God’s help, we will win together,” he said.

Lebanon’s health ministry said Israeli air raids killed at least 46 people in the south and centre of the country over the past 24 hours.

Iran said on Wednesday its missile volley – its biggest ever assault on Israel – was over barring further provocation, but Israel and the United States promised to hit back hard.

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U.S. President Joe Biden said he would not support any Israeli strike on Iran’s nuclear sites in response to its ballistic missile attack and urged Israel to act “proportionally” against its regional arch-foe.

Biden joined a call with Group of Seven major power leaders on Wednesday to coordinate a response, including new sanctions against Tehran, the White House said.

G7 leaders voiced “strong concern” over the Middle East crisis but said a diplomatic solution was still viable and a region-wide conflict was in no one’s interest, a statement said.

Hezbollah said it repelled Israeli forces near several border towns and also fired rockets at military posts inside Israel.

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The paramilitary group’s media chief Mohammad Afif said those battles were only “the first round” and that Hezbollah had enough fighters, weapons and ammunition to push back Israel.

Israel’s addition of infantry and armoured troops from the 36th Division, including the Golani Brigade, the 188th Armoured Brigade and 6th Infantry Brigade, suggested that the operation might expand beyond limited commando raids.

The military has said its incursion is largely aimed at destroying tunnels and other infrastructure on the border and there were no plans for a wider operation targeting the Lebanese capital Beirut to the north or major cities in the south.

1.2 MILLION LEBANESE DISPLACED

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Nevertheless, it issued new evacuation orders for around two dozen towns along the southern border, instructing inhabitants to head north of the Awali River, which flows east to west some 60 km (37 miles) north of the Israeli frontier.

More than 1,900 people have been killed and over 9,000 wounded in Lebanon in almost a year of cross-border fighting, with most of the deaths occurring in the past two weeks, according to Lebanese government statistics.

Caretaker Prime Minister Najib Mikati said that about 1.2 million Lebanese had been displaced by Israeli attacks.

Malika Joumaa, from Sudan, was forced to take shelter in Saint Joseph’s church in Beirut after being forced from her house near Sidon in coastal south Lebanon with her husband and two children.

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“It’s good that the church offered its help. We were going to stay in the streets; where would we have gone?”

Iran described Tuesday’s missile assault as a response to Israeli killings of militant leaders, including Nasrallah, attacks in Lebanon against the group and Israel’s war against Palestinian Hamas militants in Gaza.

There were no casualties from the missile onslaught in Israel, but one person was killed in the occupied West Bank.

(Reporting by James Mackenzie and Steven Scheer in Jerusalem; Maya Gebeily and Timour Azhari in Beirut; Parisa Hafezi in Istanbul; Phil Stewart, Jeff Mason and Idrees Ali in Washington; Michelle Nichols in New York; Adam Makary, Jaidaa Taha and Enas Alashray in Cairo; and Tala Ramadan, Jana Choukeir and Jack Kim in Seoul and Matthias Williams in Berlin, Elwely Elwelly and Clauda Tanios in Dubai and Angelo Amante and Giuseppe Fonte in Rome and Parisa Hafezi in Dubai; writing by Cynthia Osterman; editing by; Deepa Babington)

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Story that speaks to lack of co-ordination at the UN

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Andrew Jack’s article on the Model UN for schools (“Students learn from Model UN to handle disagreements diplomatically”, Outlook, September 26) says Model United Nations was created at Georgetown University in 1963.

As the organiser of the Model UN General Assembly held at Cambridge university in 1964, that claim comes as a surprise, as when contacted back in 1963, we were told by the UN that we were the first to host such an event. Such is British-American rivalry!

The Cambridge version was funded by a £20,000 donation from Roy Thomson, owner of the Sunday Times, and this paid for student delegations to come for a week from further and higher education institutions across the UK. The 7,000-strong membership of the Cambridge University United Nations Association (CUUNA) was an example of the international idealism that then permeated the university.

Attending this year’s UN General Assembly and the Summit of the Future event and recalling the frequent cynicism about the ability of the UN to resolve major issues in today’s world, I am pleased to see the Model UNGA format continues, albeit now more at high school than university.

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Anthony Colman
Chair, CUUNA 1963-64, Aylmerton, Norfolk UK

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GQ Absorbs Pitchfork, Imposing Male-Centric Shift in Music Media

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By Shealeigh Voitl

When Condé Nast bought the online music publication Pitchfork in 2015, Condé’s Chief Digital Officer Fred Santarpia told the New York Times that the acquisition brought “a very passionate audience of Millennial males into our roster.”

Three years before, in 2012, roughly 88 percent of respondents to Pitchfork’s People’s List, a record of reader-ranked albums from the last fifteen years, identified as male. Pitchfork clarified later that this figure was not “indicative of Pitchfork’s overall demographics.” (To be fair, the characterization was technically accurate, but some things are best left unsaid.)

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Pitchfork’s list of 200 albums going back to 1997 was overwhelmingly White and male. Only two Black artists and two albums made by women cracked its top 50. Internally, these trends persisted.

As of 2017, only 11.4 percent of Pitchfork reviews by male authors were of albums by female artists, paling in comparison to female reviewers’ 30.1 percent. In 2019, Pitchfork’s Union cited Pitchfork’s poor labor practices and “lack of diversity across staff” as incompatible with the union’s values.

In January 2024, Condé Nast announced it was folding Pitchfork into men’s magazine GQ, laying off more than half of Pitchfork’s staff, including eight union members. The changes also included the departure of Puja Patel, Pitchfork’s editor-in-chief since 2018, who resharpened Pitchfork’s mission of serving as the “most trusted voice in music.”

Patel not only set out to maintain the integrity of Pitchfork’s signature reviews section but also spearheaded a transformative approach to its features, covering music within the context of social and cultural issues and highlighting underrepresented voices in the music industry, which Pitchfork had dabbled at in the years leading up to the shift.

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“After nearly 8 yrs, mass layoffs got me. glad we could spend that time trying to make it a less dude-ish place just for GQ to end up at the helm,” Jill Mapes, former features editor for Pitchfork, shared via Twitter/X.

Music journalism, not unlike the industry it covers, is rife with (primarily White) “dude-ishness.” Jessica Hopper, music critic, former senior editor for Pitchfork, and author of The First Collection of Criticism By a Living Female Rock Critic, wrote about her experiences as a reporter and the “paternalistic scolding” she often received from men (both industry insiders and outsiders) for incorporating a feminist perspective in her work.

In 2015, Hopper asked her followers a (now deleted) question via Twitter, “Gals/other marginalized folk: what was your 1stbrush (in music industry, journalism, scene) w/ idea that you didn’t ‘count’?”

Hundreds of users responded; journalists, sound engineers, producers, artists, and music fans who were made to feel lesser by their peers. The tweet made me recall semi-humiliating moments in my own music career—ones where I felt underestimated and small.

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Like the time a male sound engineer asked, as I was loading my gear in from my car, if I was the “groupie” of the guy who was opening for me that night. He talked loudly through my whole set.

Gender and racial disparities are still pervasive in media. An April 2023 Digiday report found that, although major media companies made some progress in terms of diversity and inclusion compared to 2022, they were still primarily hiring white people. And Reuters Institute data compiled by analyzing media companies across twelve countries concluded that only 22 percent of top editors were women.

So, Santarpia’s statement back in 2015 stung not only for its implication that being a thoughtful music listener was somehow distinctly masculine but also because it was a sinister reminder that behind the scenes, at so many different levels, White men were given practically sole power to determine what good music was.

Rolling Stone’s founder Jann Wenner said that he didn’t include women or Black artists in his book The Masters because they don’t “articulate at the level” as the other “philosophers of rock” who were featured in his book.

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“​​You know, just for public relations’ sake, maybe I should have gone and found one Black and one woman artist to include here that didn’t measure up to that same historical standard, just to avert this kind of criticism,” Wenner told the New York Times in 2023. “I wish in retrospect I could have interviewed Marvin Gaye. Maybe he’d have been the guy.”

It’s not that a team at GQ is incapable of producing decent music coverage. It’s that when music media suddenly gets absorbed by men’s media, you start to wonder what and who gets left behind.

Many Pitchfork contributors whose diverse perspectives added nuance to Pitchfork’s music coverage have been abruptly dismissed. Newsrooms are shrinking, and online spaces devoted to highlighting underground art are at risk of disappearing. 

But women, people of color, queer and non-binary folks, and other marginalized communities have always been innovating, making music, writing about music, and finding ways to introduce new sounds to their circles, even if men like Wenner don’t find those particular histories worthy of exploring.

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Brittany Spanos, senior writer at Rolling Stone, said of her colleagues at Rolling Stone following Wenner’s comments, “The most important work we do is creating careers and legacies. And it’s our job to make it clear that those legacies are not reserved just for straight white men.”

Shealeigh Voitl is Project Censored’s Digital and Print Editor. A regular contributor to the Project’s yearbook series, her writing has been featured in State of the Free Press 2023, Truthout, The Progressive, and Ms. Magazine.

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