If you haven’t reached your 30s yet, I’ll let you in on a little secret: They’re pretty great. Gone are the days of petty drama and lackluster friend groups, replaced by solid and steady friendships that rival the hype level of Rory and Lane in Gilmore Girls.

At 31 years old, I cherish the handful of strong women who are in my life. A few of us have a history that predates group chats and Instagram reel sharing—our origins date back to landline calls and flip phones. Others I met in college or had the unique experience of living with in a bustling city during our early 20s. These tight-knit friendships originate from all walks of life, and at this point, I know we are in it for the long haul.

Between growing careers, growing families, and everything in between, your 30s can feel like a free-for-all; every friend is living in a different life stage. Hangouts are more difficult to schedule. Free time becomes more limited. And for whatever reason, who we surround ourselves with feels far more life-giving or soul-sucking than it did before. Weekends together might turn into the occasional brunch, and weekly couch-rotting sessions might be hindered by hundreds of miles.

While it can be easy to mourn friendships shifting, I am in the process of learning how to grow and continue the relationships that are important in my life. From being more intentional with my free time to recognizing ways I can be a better friend, here is everything I am learning so far about having friends in your 30s.

1. Being mindful of your time and energy can help friendships grow

There are a ton of clichés about entering your 30s, and my favorite one rings exceptionally true these days: It’s not worth wasting time on people who don’t fill your cup. To explain this realization, I first must share that I am an Enneagram Type 9, also known as ‘The Peacemaker.’ For a long time, I found myself tending to every single friendship in my life with equal vigor. This meant constantly scheduling plans and always saying yes to social commitments. While this might not sound like a bad thing, it ultimately led to burnout, leaving me emotionally drained and resentful toward lackluster friends who weren’t bringing anything into my life.

The fact of the matter is that certain friendships shift or become more distant as time goes on, while others bloom. Realizing that not every relationship requires the same amount of care was a game changer for me. I discovered that it’s OK to have friends you catch up with once in a blue moon because that time spent together can still be worthwhile. It’s also OK to free yourself of friendships that no longer feel healthy or authentic, as that time is usually not well spent. (If only I had realized this sooner!)

“Part of sustaining a friendship is accepting the other person’s flaws.”

Being mindful of how I use my free time is something that has enriched my life. I’m able to determine when it’s better to say no to a social commitment, which allows me to give my time, energy, and brain space to friendships I would like to nurture instead.

2. Healthy boundaries are the key to happiness

While choosing who you spend time with might require setting boundaries, sometimes it’s healthy to practice boundaries even with our closest friends. You can say no! Even to friends! Really! Your true friends won’t be mad at you for putting yourself first. But as a recovering people pleaser, saying no hasn’t come naturally to me. I can be easily pressured by bigger, bolder personality types—so much so that a dear friend once jokingly told me that I “respond well to bullying.” This comment caused me to reflect on my introverted “nice girl” energy, and I decided from that point on that I would fully permit myself to say no when I wanted to.

For example, I once almost committed to a camping trip that I was dreading—tents are simply not for me!—because I was afraid to hurt my friends’ feelings. This camping trip wasn’t some big, important affair (such as a birthday or a milestone celebration), yet I was plagued by the gnawing thought that if I said no to this one thing, my friends would be upset.

I should note that 99.9 percent of the time, I want to spend time with my best friends… and I do! I soon realized that fretting over something this minuscule was a me problem and not a reflection of them. In the end, I did opt out and was truthful about why. Plot twist: My friends know me and figured it wasn’t my cup of tea anyway. They understood my decision and respected this small but pivotal boundary.

3. Everyone’s financial priorities differ

Part of being an adult is not only being financially responsible but also honoring your own needs. This might look like saying no to that concert you don’t want to go to or being honest when something is truly out of your budget. The opposite sentiment is also very true: If there is a trip or hobby that your friends aren’t interested in pursuing, go and do that thing anyway! As we get older, financial priorities shift and change: one friend might be saving for a house, one might be a travel bug, while another might be putting away money for their kids.

“A true friend understands and accepts all of your personality traits—good and bad—and is willing to work through difficult seasons together.”

In these economic times, we all have to be choosy about how we’re spending our hard-earned money. If differing life stages or financial situations are impacting a friendship, it can be helpful to plan something you’re both excited about. Maybe it’s a much-needed staycation instead of a getaway, or maybe it’s pursuing a shared interest or hobby together.

4. Being a good friend means accepting flaws—and being mindful of your own

Someone once told me that part of sustaining a friendship is accepting the other person’s flaws. Long-term friends know the best and worst parts of each other, and it’s likely the good qualities that keep the friendship going. Like any relationship, conflict is bound to rear its ugly head at some point, and that is OK… healthy even!

A true friend understands and accepts all of your personality traits—good and bad—and is willing to work through difficult seasons together. On the flip side, a good friend is also willing to take ownership of their mistakes and note their own flaws. For example, as someone who has always been conflict-avoidant (remember the whole Type 9 ‘Peacemaker’ thing?), I realized that this can come across as diminishing friends’ feelings when they are upset or angry. By understanding and accepting my own flaws, I can work on being a better friend.

5. A listening ear is one of the best gifts you can give in a friendship

Female friendships are truly the best, and I wouldn’t be where I am today without the incredible women in my life. I have come to realize that sometimes the best way to be a good friend is to simply be there, even in situations where you don’t have advice. The best moments in a friendship can be the belly laughs shared while remembering that hilarious thing that happened four years ago. They can also be the moments you cry together and remind the other that you are there to be a listening ear without judgment.

As life continues to evolve, the way we look at friendships will too. My friends and I have had countless conversations about how we feel less pressure to maintain a big group of friends as we get older. Certain friends come and go, and it’s not always a personal or negative thing when friendships end. The quality-over-quantity mindset has been one of the most important lessons we’ve all learned lately about having friends in your 30s.

As my friends and I navigate this new decade together, vulnerability has become the name of the game. We are sharing our lives, our families, our hardships, and our free time—and that means so much to me, no matter how often we forget to text each other back.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kailey Hansen, Contributing Writer

Kailey is a Chicago-based freelance writer and communications specialist with a B.A. in English/Journalism from Elmhurst College. When she’s not writing for The Everygirl, you can find her geeking about TV shows at BuzzFeed or covering pet news for Rover.

“I have no one to talk to about this,” I thought while I sat nauseous in the back of the bus, blasting “Red Wine Supernova” in my AirPods on my way to a pottery class that I would never return to. It was late September of 2023. After moving to a city where I knew no one after college, I had promptly engaged in a devastating gay situationship, discovered I had no real hobbies, and realized it was probably a mistake to move away from all of my closest friends. I had no one to talk to about my problems. But I also had no one to talk to about how obsessed I was with Chappell Roan.

Since then, the feeling of being directly spoken to by Chappell Roan’s lyrics has become a distinctly less solitary experience. When I was listening to The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess on the bus, Roan had 3 million monthly listeners on Spotify. Now, there are 42 million more. Her astronomical rise to fame has been analyzed by data journalists, podcasters, and cultural critics alike. Right now, she has four songs in the Billboard Top 100.

But the numbers weren’t the only thing making me feel less lonely. Right around when Roan started touring with Olivia Rodrigo, I made my first two queer friends in my new city. Around the time of her NPR Tiny Desk Concert, I had connected with two more. By the drop of “Good Luck Babe!”—two more. And by the time her set at Gov Ball was exploding the internet, we were a tight-knit friend group, waiting impatiently in line for Chappell Roan-themed nights at a Chicago lesbian bar. I finally had someone to talk to about this.

At its best, fandom has delivered me some of the most important and valuable personal connections in my life. But at its worst, fandom has thrust me into a devoted parasocial relationship, keeping me committed to a woman I don’t even know. One year into my adult life, managing the intensity of my own fandom—my own Chappell Roan fandom, specifically—feels like the modern emotional burden I didn’t ask for. Roan’s rapid rise to fame, alongside more than a few controversies, has left me grappling with the idea that my fandom has gone too far. Now what do I do?

Who is Chappell Roan?

Hello, elder millennials. Allow me to introduce you to my Taylor Swift. Kayleigh Amstutz, known publicly as Chappell Roan, is a 26-year-old queer pop artist who has exploded to mainstream success this year. Onstage, she takes on a drag persona, capturing massive live audiences and millions of online views with her big voice, out-there outfits, and easily replicable dances.

You might recognize Chappell Roan from one of her viral performances. There was her first late-night appearance on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert last February, when she sang “Red Wine Supernova” in a wedding dress. There was her viral Coachella performance, where she dressed up as a butterfly in the colors of the lesbian pride flag and told the audience, “I’m your favorite artist’s favorite artist.” And, most recently, she performed her hit single “Good Luck, Babe!” at the 2024 VMAs. She’s been on a fast track to pop stardom this summer—until the past month gave some fans pause.

Why are Chappell Roan’s fans so mad at her?

In June, at a concert in Raleigh, Roan got emotional as she addressed the gigantic crowd. “I think my career is going really fast, and it’s hard to keep up,” she said. This was the first indication that she was overwhelmed by how rapidly she had been thrust into the spotlight.

In mid-August, Roan posted two consecutive TikToks sharing how she had been putting up with abuse and stalking from her fanbase, effectively calling them off. “I don’t care that abuse, harassment, stalking, whatever, are normal things to do to people who are famous,” she said. “I don’t care that this crazy type of behavior comes along with the job, that doesn’t make it okay. That doesn’t make it normal.” Some fans bristled at her calling out her fanbase so soon after acquiring them, while others cheered her on for boundary-setting.

Then came the election questions. In September, Roan—who had already publicly declined an invitation to perform at the White House under the Biden administration—said in a Rolling Stone interview that she felt no pressure to endorse a political candidate. “I don’t have a side because I hate both sides, and I’m so embarrassed about everything going on right now,” she said.

This set many fans, who were expecting a Harris endorsement from Roan, off. “Chappell roan is an embarrassment to lesbians” wrote one user on Twitter. All of the backlash resulted in her posting a frazzled explanation on TikTok and canceling her performances in NYC and DC at the All Things Go music festival. There have been a lot of angry TikToks, a lot of fans announcing their departures, and many, many indications from Roan that this is all a bit much for a 26-year-old who was virtually nameless two years ago.

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If we’re always so disappointed in the artists we love, what is the point of being a fan?

Watching Chappell Roan rise to fame was like a mirror of watching myself enter my first year of adulthood as a queer, Gen Z, creative woman. I thought I was the only one who was sick of going on dates with boring guys, convinced a “feminininomenon” would save me from future suburban blues. And then there was Roan, who felt the same way. And then, suddenly, miraculously, there was everyone else along with her. Watching the TikToks and tweets multiply, I understood that I was becoming part of a fandom for the first time. I wondered if this was what it felt like to be 23 when 1989 dropped.

“At its worst, fandom has thrust me into a devoted parasocial relationship, keeping me committed to a woman I don’t even know.”

Superfans treat standom like they’ve been handed a precious, breakable gift. I understand the impulse. What could I possibly feel besides gratitude toward the woman who made me feel so seen during a breakup that I couldn’t even really call a breakup? Why wouldn’t I cling to the songs that I was dissecting with new friends who meant so much to me? There was a pit in my stomach, though, when I watched my Swiftie friends and coworkers cheer Taylor on after she cringily sucked the air out of the room at the 2023 Grammys with her Tortured Poet’s Department announcement. If calling myself a fan meant being unable to recognize when my favorite artist was being totally annoying, I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a fan at all.

To be clear, I don’t personally disagree with anything Roan has done or said. I’m grateful to her for advocating for stronger boundaries between fans and public figures and proud of her for taking a break for her health. I do (begrudgingly) understand why she doesn’t want to endorse a Presidential candidate in the midst of the current political climate.

But the past few weeks have shown me that one day, inevitably, my fav will disappoint me. I’m going to have to figure out how to graciously admit when Chappell Roan is wrong without accidentally sliding too far in the opposite direction and sending her hate mail via Instagram comments. One day—not now, but soon—I will need to detach my fandom from Roan as an artist and attach it to the memories I’ve made of her music, instead. Maybe it’s just part of growing up.

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How I’m reframing my Chappell Roan fandom

I have this eight-second video on my phone from July 31st this year. It’s a video of the inside of my favorite gay bar in the city, on a Chappell Roan theme night. Purple lights flash in the foreground, and there’s a neon sign that has the lyrics to “Femininomenon” lit up in the back: “Can you play a song with a fucking beat?” None of my friends are in the video, but the strangers are just as joyful. They are—and I am—the queer kids in the Midwest that Roan spoke to in her VMA Best New Artist acceptance speech. When I’m having a hard day, I watch this video and wish I could crawl inside it.

“One day—not now, but soon—I will need to detach my fandom from Roan as an artist and attach it to the memories I’ve made to her music, instead.”

Chappell Roan has been the soundtrack to my life for the past year, filling my mind up with beautiful, gay, pink-cowgirl-hatted memories. Blasting “HOT TO GO” in the car with my college best friends on our first reunion trip. Walking along the shore of Lake Michigan in the middle of winter, playing “California” and missing my closest friends and family. Alternating “Pink Pony Club” and “Miss Americana and The Heartbreak Prince” the morning before a big work event. Crying in the mirror to “Kaleidoscope” when ex-situationship summer reared its head. They’re memories, most of which involve my love for other people, that I could have hardly dreamed up a year ago on the bus ride to pottery.

“Fan culture and love poems have taught us to put the object of our adoration on a pedestal or an altar or a stage, to see ourselves as always looking upwards, always in a state of praise. But in the act of loving, you are the centre, you are the maker of meaning,” wrote Ismene Ormonde for Byline earlier this year, in an essay on Taylor Swift. As my parasocial relationship with Chappell Roan grows increasingly complex, I like to remind myself of this position. I am a fan who loves her, and so I get to decide how I want to love her—even if, someday, that means loving her as a kind critic. And in my love, I get to make meaning. I always have the power to look to the left and right, at the people singing along with me, instead of up at the star.

MEET THE AUTHOR

Emma Ginsberg, Associate Editor

Emma is a writer, editor, and podcast producer who has been creating at The Everygirl since 2021. She writes for all sections on the site, edits the Entertainment and Community sections, and helps produce The Everygirl Podcast. With a degree in American Studies, Emma is especially passionate about evaluating the impact that pop culture and internet culture have on the day-to-day lives of real women.

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After what felt like years of waiting, we’re finally deep into sad girl autumn. I’m a sucker for summer’s warm weather, but I’m currently appreciating the lightness in the air on my daily hot girl walks. Autumn doesn’t have to be completely depressing—there’s a way to lean into the melancholy of the season. My secret to getting through (and enjoying) sad girl autumn is, of course, music. In the wake of Brat summer, it’s time to add some slower sounds to my playlists this fall.

As a certified sad girl during fall, I tap into my two passions—astrology and music—to channel the essence of the season to its fullest potential. With the eclipse season in full swing, each zodiac sign will experience this fall differently. Each sign’s fall horoscopes hint at an overall shift, from big life changes to a much-needed slow in pace. Read on to see which song is your zodiac sign’s sad girl autumn anthem.

Aries

Aries signs are known for their fiery personalities, and this fall, they’ll feel as bold as ever. This season, one of the full moons will be in Aries, hinting that this sign will receive some much-needed clarity. Whether at work or in their personal relationships, Aries will need to trust themselves and step out of the box, just like Lizzy McApline always does. Doomsday is jam-packed with chill yet commanding transformative vibes that suggest letting go of a relationship gone wrong. With this track, Lizzy will have Aries feeling like Doomsday has passed until winter.

Taurus

Taurus’ calendars are always full, so this sign should utilize the quietude of fall for a much-deserved break. making the bed embodies the stubbornness for which Taurus is infamous. In this song, Olivia Rodrigo looks back on the hurt she endured at her own hands after staying in a relationship that wasn’t serving her. With the fast-paced season of summer long behind us, Taurus should listen to making the bed whenever they’re feeling stuck or frustrated this fall.

Gemini

It’s time for Gemini to embrace their really sad girl side this fall. Known for their self-assurance and unpredictability, this sign should tap into their vulnerability with this song. In Fade Into You, Mazzy Star goes back and forth between choosing to let someone go or prioritize herself. This song has a rhythmic yet upbeat tempo that masks its true vulnerability—just like a complex Gemini would. Mazzy Star recognizes that she has to pick herself at the end of the day, with this lyric standing out as so Gemini: “I look to you and I see nothing / I look to you to see the truth.”

Cancer

Cancer signs are typically always in tune with their emotions, and this autumn is the perfect time for them to channel any built-up downhearted energy into music. This song encapsulates that and much more as Ethel Cain references her religious upbringing across the fictional storytelling of her groundbreaking album Preacher’s Daughter. The song is rather haunting, as Ethel puts her modern spin on the dark subject matter. Even if Cancers can’t resonate with the content of the song, they’ll definitely appreciate the dark, moody energy of Family Tree.

Leo

Fall is full of change, and there’s no time like now for Leo to mourn the loss of summer. Shifting out of their prime time, loml from The Tortured Poet’s Department is the perfect song to mourn the season and get ready for what’s to come. From time to time, sitting in solace and reminiscing on past memories is much-needed, especially for Leo as the sun shifts out of this sign’s spotlight. Taylor’s lyrics encapsulate the idea of loving and not wanting to let go so clearly, there’s no doubt that every Leo added this track onto their autumn playlist as the dramatic yet emotional sign they are.

Virgo

For Virgos, it can be difficult to immerse themselves in sad girl autumn. Instead of focusing on the complexities of life, Virgo tends to stay grounded. Sure, fall includes Virgo season, but this sign can struggle to trade practicality with vulnerability. Thank You off of Clairo’s most recent album, Charm, blends those sentiments seamlessly while still maintaining Virgo’s strength and admitting their deeper insecurities. In this song, Clairo sings about being thankful for a former lover, even though their time together has ended—perfect for a Virgo who’s reminiscing.

Libra

One of the most charming signs of the zodiac, Libras are inherently kind and loving. While Libra prioritizes balance this fall, the season brings in a sense of certainty akin to How to disappear by Lana Del Rey. Libra’s are all about finding balance this sad girl autumn, and while they acknowledge the gloom that comes with this time of the year, they embrace it. This song is about accepting the world’s faults while maintaining Libra’s inherent warmth. While they may not be marrying alligator tour guides this fall, Libras will definitely be blasting Lana.

Scorpio

Autumn includes spooky Scorpio season, so it’s safe to say this sign is ready to flourish during their moody month in the sun. Like Lorde, Scorpios are timeless, and even with another year passing, they invite the attention that comes during their birthday month. In Ribs, Lorde admits her fears of getting older in the lyrics of this song, while the tempo conveys the dread that comes along with the season. The upbeat tempo exudes the poise of a true Scorpio who is capable of fully embracing the emotional ups and downs of autumn.

Sagittarius

Fun-loving on the outside, Sagittarius has a gloomy side that they don’t show to just anyone. Halloween by Phoebe Bridgers is the perfect anthem for a Sagittarius to turn on and get deep into their emotions on shorter fall days. Whether they’re getting over an ex or need a quick moody vibe before it’s time to face the demands of everyday life, this song is one that Sagittarius will definitely want to add to their fall playlist. Plus, nobody quite does sad girl autumn like Phoebe Bridgers.

Capricorn

The hardworking Capricorn needs to slow down and take a breath this fall. It can be hard to get this sign to slow down, but it’s much needed after a busy, jam-packed summer. Like Charli xcx, Capricorn signs were everywhere this past season, but now it’s time to take a break and relax while looking forward to the future. Capricorns are known for their resilient personalities, but it’s good to feel those feelings every now and then and let your sensitive side come through. So I is Charli’s tribute to fellow artist SOPHIE, and it’s a powerful ballad about grief, which is exactly in line with the autumn spirit.

Aquarius

Ever-eclectic Aquarius signs are beloved for their creative personalities. However, Aquarius signs are also incredibly independent, leading them to detach from those closest to them. beabadoobee is a great artist for this sign who craves closeness but sometimes doesn’t know how to ask for it. Sad girl autumn doesn’t have to be defined by melancholic ballads, and the upbeat but sentimental song the perfect pair is the perfect example of that.

Pisces

Fall kicked off with a Lunar eclipse in this sign, so it’s the season of change for Pisces. Known as one of the most emotional zodiac signs of all, Gracie Abrams’ lyrics in Augusta will offer a helping hand to a Pisces deep in their feelings. This song is all about the aching heartbreak of feeling lost in your life. Pisces signs are no strangers to feeling all of their emotions deeply, and fall is a great time to work through any lingering resentment in their hearts.

Isn’t it true that when you don’t know what to wear, you reach for jeans and a tee? We’ve all been there: aimlessly staring into our closets, waiting for something to jump out at us—only, it never does. Pressed for time, you rush to the nearest pair of blue jeans and a crisp white tee, having full faith that everything will work out by the time you hit the front door.

No matter your style inclination, we’ve all pledged our allegiance to the loyal combo at one point or another. Whether you’re joining a friend for coffee or meeting your significant other for dinner, a good jeans-and-a-tee outfit is as versatile as they come. But that doesn’t mean the dependable duo needs to feel boring; with just a few chic add-ons, it’s anything but.

Although I like to rep my favorite denim year-round, come fall, I’m ready to style my blue jeans on a regular basis. As someone whose style leans a bit more trend-forward, I find the fool-proof formula to be the perfect base for those more fashionable pieces. Determined to make my jeans-and-a-tee outfits more interesting this fall, I’ve set out to find new ways to revamp the tried-and-true duo.

7 Ways to Style Your Jeans and Tee This Fall

Styling your jeans and tee comes down to two things: layering and accessorizing. Stylistically speaking, accessories are what help to propel your outfit in its intended direction–whether that’s a simple outfit for a casual Saturday or a more fashion-forward one for a night out. Although my personal styling choices lean more colorful and trendy, you can adjust every outfit through the lens of your own personal style. No one’s closet, schedule, or budget looks the same. Whether you own similar pieces or don’t have anything close, know that there are always ways to add interest without purchasing anything new, like trying a fresh hairstyle, adding your everyday hoops, or simply cuffing your jeans.

With a Blazer

Name an outfit that doesn’t work with a blazer… I’ll wait. For me, I like an outer layer with a bit more structure, especially when it’s combined with more relaxed pieces like jeans and a tee. The denim combo usually leans a bit more casual, but when paired with a blazer, feels a lot more put-together. And although adding a blazer is a more polished choice, it doesn’t mean the look needs to lose its casual feeling. Depending on your footwear, the look remains totally customizable to your occasion, whether that be a quick evening stroll or a dinner date with a friend.

With a Draped Sweater

The answer is no, I never plan on taking the sweater off of my shoulders and wearing it for its intended use. It is simply for show, and that’s the way I like it. Look, I know the idea seems totally ridiculous, but in my mind, there is no greater accessory (and yes, I mean accessory) than a colorful knit draped over your shoulders. It delivers texture, creates depth, and gives that cool-girl je ne sais quoi when you need it most.

With a Textured Coat

You like the coat? Yeah, she’s new, but you don’t have to purchase anything new in order to achieve this look at home. What’s important here is the added texture that the coat is helping to provide. Don’t own any suede? Pick an accessory or a layer in an opposing material, like a brushed cashmere sweater or a worn-in leather jacket, and it’ll work just the same.

With a Statement Belt

Although it may look like I just went to the nearest home improvement store and asked for a foot of rope to tie around my waist, I can assure that this particular piece of rope came from a swanky boutique in the Greek island of Paros. I know, I know—I could have DIY-ed this, but I’m just not that kind of girl. Statement belts, whether Home Depot-coded or not, have the ability to completely transform any look, especially something as simple as jeans and a tee.

With a Silk Scarf

Should I go ahead and hire a talent manager? Because I think I’m about to go viral for reinstating the silk scarf belt. But in all seriousness, I love incorporating the vintage accessory into my day-to-day looks. Just recently, I discovered a small stack of silk scarves in the back of my closet and experienced a sudden pang of sadness for not finding a way to style them sooner. When I first acquired them in a local thrift shop, I reveled in their untold stories and promised to give them a second life. After rediscovering them a few weeks ago, I’ve vowed to give them a permanent front-row spot in my wardrobe.

With a Bold Bag

I’m usually a sucker for a fun accessory. Although I keep a minimalist wardrobe, I’ve never really been much of an outfit repeater (sorry, Lizzie). Sure, I may rewear the same pieces over and over again, but thanks to my well-stocked accessory arsenal, you’d think I was wearing a completely new look every time (take that, Kate Sanders).

With a Cardigan

Though it may seem obvious, we often forget about the simple power of pairing a cardigan with jeans. It’s a great reminder that sometimes it’s OK to stick to the basics. Plus, wearing a white tee under a sweater or a cardigan will give it welcomed additional texture.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Tinsley Crisp, Fashion & Beauty Staff Writer

Tinsley Crisp is a Fashion & Beauty Staff Writer at The Everygirl and specializes in reporting on the season’s latest trends and hottest products. As a New York City-based stylist, she’s committed to injecting joy into the art of getting dressed and delivering attainable yet aspirational content to our readers.

Personally, I consider treating myself to a new sweater each fall an essential act of self-care. I light one of my favorite fall candles, make myself an extra hot chai latte, put on a Meg Ryan movie, and suspend my belief that money can’t buy happiness. Because come October, when the leaves begin to change and my favorite brands start pumping out their coziest items yet, money can buy me happiness—in the form of fabulous knitwear.

This year, there’s a twist: I’m determined to invest in pieces that’ll last a lifetime, not just a season. I’ve done the hunting (you can thank me later) and have found Sézane to be the place for high-quality knits that stand the test of time. And I’m not the only one. Our team is loving Sezane’s selection this season, so we’ve rounded up all the pieces we’re obsessed with from the 2024 collection, so you can indulge in your own knitwear ritual.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Paige Cushman, Branded Content Editor

From small community newspapers to country music marketing, Paige has found the most fulfillment in finding and sharing the uniquely human stories that compel an audience. As a Branded Content Editor at The Everygirl, she is able to combine her excitement about women’s issues and pop culture with her editorial skills to create quality content for our brand partners.

This post is sponsored by Sézane but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. We only recommend products we genuinely love.

The alarm is blaring, you feel like you didn’t sleep enough, and the day’s tasks are looming over you. You want to fit in every wellness habit before you clock in or start your commute, but who has the time? In the past couple of months, I’ve become overwhelmed with all the different types of self-care I “should” be doing in the AM. While there’s no shortage of morning rituals and daily habits, morning routines have become so overly complicated and time-consuming, they can do more harm than good (hi, anxiety).

But one day, amid my TikTok doom-scrolling, I came across a new trend called “morning menu.” After implementing it into my routine, it has helped me stick to healthy habits without feeling overwhelmed. This morning routine trend is said to help you identify what tasks of the day are most important to you; it can be as short or as long as you need, depending on your to-dos and mood when waking up. Keep reading to find out what it is and how to build one tailored to you and your needs.

Originally coined by certified holistic health coach Valerie Ribon, the morning menu involves making a list of 10 morning routine rituals: five things you love to do, and five things the best version of yourself would do. Every morning, you’ll choose items from the list (anywhere from 1-5, depending on how much time you have) to honor what you need on any specific day. It’s a soft way of keeping up with healthy habits while tuning into and listening to your body every morning to help you feel better or be more productive (after all, your needs and wants can change daily). Maybe one day you feel like journaling, reading, and practicing manifestation, but the next, you’re more in the mood to be a Pilates girl, do a DIY lymphatic massage, and meal prep. It takes the pressure off of feeling like you need to do all the wellness things every day, while allowing you to tweak your routine for how your body and desires change day by day.

Why Is It Effective?

According to Ribon, the concept of a “morning menu” is a biohack that takes into account the female body since the typical workday routine is made for men who have a daily hormone cycle that fluctuates over a 24-hour period (their testosterone levels are highest in the morning and lowest at night), so they are meant to do the same routine every morning. Men have a sustained level of energy every day; they generally feel and need the same daily. People with a reproductive cycle experience varying fluctuations depending on the phase of the cycle; their bodies need different things in each phase.

Even if you don’t use it as a cycle-syncing biohack, many people–myself included–are using the morning menu idea as an incentive to get out of bed. Honing in on a few self-care activities rather than trying to accomplish an entire daunting, hard-set list allows you to keep a healthy routine without pressure. Rather than dreading what I have to in the morning, having a morning menu means doing things that actually help boost my mood, while also keeping up with healthy habits. Not only do I look forward to my mornings now, but when I wake up in a funk or not feeling 100%, I also feel powerful knowing that I have the tools (my personal morning menu) to set me up for the best possible day and to be my best self.

As Ribon explained in her TikTok, your morning menu should cater to what you enjoy and the things the best version of you does, so everyone’s morning menu may look different. Start by listing the activities that personally speak to you. Think beyond the non-negotiables like brushing your teeth and unloading the dishwasher. For example, your list could include cooking, walking, reading, and listening to a podcast. You can switch up your morning menu every week as your needs and wants change, and place your menu somewhere you’re bound to see it first thing in the morning as a friendly reminder.

As a girlie who is very much in touch with her emotions and doesn’t bottle them up, I’ve tailored the morning menu to me even more. Instead of separating my list into the things I love to do and the things that make me the best version of myself, I was inspired by Inside Out to categorize my morning menu by the emotions I consistently feel in the morning that I need to get myself out of (anxiety or sadness), as well as an emotion I sometimes wake up with and want to multiply (joy). This way I can have a cheat sheet to quickly refer to to take care of my body and mind no matter what state I wake up in. Here’s what’s on my morning menu:

If I wake up with anxiety…

• Unplug till noon
• Do a sweaty cardio session
• Tidy up for 10 minutes
• Journal
• Ice roll

If I wake up feeling sad…

• Take a shower
• Make an extravagant breakfast
• Hot-girl-call-Mum-walk
• Make a gratitude list
• Do 30 minutes of yoga
• Recite affirmations

If I wake up feeling joyful…

• Read my favorite book
• Have a mini dance party
• Do a weight training session
• Practice piano
• Text 3 friends something nice

MEET THE AUTHOR

Bryanna Cuthill, Contributing Writer

Bryanna Cuthill is an NYC-based writer. Being a textbook hopeless romantic, she hopes to be the internet big sister she never had, encouraging everyone to be a boss while also taking the time to romanticize their life.

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