Common Myths About Polyamorous Relationships Debunked

According to data from YouGov, 1% of the UK population are currently in polyamorous relationships and 8% would be open to being part of one. For clarity, this means that 680 thousand people are in polyamorous relationships and 5.4 million people are open to the idea.

Despite these numbers, polyamory is still largely misunderstood. If you weren’t aware, polyamory is a consensual non-monogamous relationship where individuals engage in multiple romantic or sexual relationships instead of just one. Each relationship is different, with boundaries that must be agreed to by all partners.

We spoke with polyamorous married couple Robyn and Christopher Aleisch, founders of polyamory dating app Sister Wives who have been in a relationship for over 20 years and hope to debunk misconceptions about theirs and many other relationships.

“Many people’s perception of polyamory is that the couple is greedy and just wants to have sex with other people. But really, many couples choose polyamory over monogamy for the freedom to love how it feels right to them; it’s not an escape hatch or an excuse to sleep with as many people as possible, but a relationship with permission.

“It’s actually the freedom to form meaningful connections, whether sexual or emotional, that fits their needs and aligns with their values.” Explains Robyn Alesich, matchmaker and co-founder.

Christopher explains: “Within polyamorous relationships, there should be a mutual understanding and agreement on boundaries and ‘rules’; it is not cheating, but jealousy can happen in any relationship, even polyamorous ones.”

This makes a lot of sense. In fact, a 2017 study found that around 79% of men and 66% of women defined themselves as jealous.

Christopher adds. “Setting boundaries helps tackle jealousy before it begins, establishing what insecurities there are and not hiding them, while addressing problems as soon as they arise helps reduce chances of jealousy.

“Compersion is a feeling that many polyamorous people experience, the feeling of joy or gratification when someone you care about finds happiness or fulfilment with someone else, whether sexually or emotionally- almost the opposite of jealousy.

“For some, this doesn’t happen naturally and can take some inner work to get there.”

Many of us worry what others think of us and this could lead to us wondering if we were ‘meant’ to be monogamous as humans. Robyn says: “Polyamory isn’t the superior choice, and within the community, it is widely established that not everyone can live this life, it’s not always easy, it’s not for everyone, and that’s OK.

“Just as monogamy works for some, non-monogamy fits others better. You need to choose a relationship style that aligns best with you and your partner’s values.”

As Brits we do still largely choose monogamy, with over 80% of YouGov’s respondents admitting that they wouldn’t be open to a polyamorous relationship.

For those looking to try polyamory, one perceived barrier may be having a family. However, Christopher assures: “Having multiple partners and parents can be beneficial on many levels, from simply better financial security, more flexibility in responsibilities, more support for both the parents and children and most of all, more love to go around.

“Children don’t always need traditional nuclear families to thrive; they need love, support and care.“

Robyn admits: “Many polyamorous couples feel pressure to hide their relationship and lives from others due to stigma, but this secrecy isn’t out of shame, more a response to judgment.

“Couples may choose not to publicly share details about their relationship for personal or safety reasons, but the idea that polyamory must remain hidden is wrong. If you feel safe and happy to share details about your personal lives, whether with friends, families or strangers, you absolutely should!”