Nick Kyrgios win over Aryna Sabalenka in ‘Battle of Sexes’ was a farcical pantomime

It was billed as box-office entertainment designed to reach new audiences. In the end, Aryna Sabalenka and Nick Kyrgios’ highly anticipated “Battle of the Sexes” boiled down to a brand-building exercise which, rather excruciatingly, took pride of place in the BBC’s primetime Sunday afternoon schedule.

There was, as predicted, zero logic in pitting these two together with modified rules. What was the point of it all? Both players only had one serve, a tweak which heavily favoured the big-hitting Kyrgios and completely threw Sabalenka, who had no reply to the copious amounts of spin the Australian applied to nearly every one of his rockets from the baseline. 

Kyrgios, who prevailed 6-3 6-3 on a slow court with plenty of bounce, was evidently short on match fitness, but at least his shotmaking was more accurate than the corporation’s grainy broadcasting feed from Dubai. Those tuning in at home were not only treated to a mismatched court that played tricks on the eyes – Sabalenka’s side was nine per cent smaller to reflect the fact women are slower than men – but intermittent pictures of the action. 

During the pair’s tour of the US chat-show circuit promoting the event, Kyrgios had insisted his tennis would do the talking, and it did. Kyrgios stomped around the court with an air of casualness, mixed up his play with slice-heavy forehands that had Sabalenka chasing her own shadow in a battle that had promised entertainment but spectacularly under-delivered. 

The whole affair infinitely showcased the Australian, whose involvement had been a point of contention in the build-up given his chequered past, in a better light. The debate over whether the world’s best female player should have shared a court with a man who admitted to assaulting his former girlfriend and has distanced himself from the self-proclaimed misogynist Andrew Tate will rumble on, but there was no hiding from the plain fact that this was a man who overpowered the world’s top female player with relative ease. 

Kyrgios, who has played just six tour-level matches in three years after being hampered by injury and off-court controversy, was blowing after 25 minutes. But he had enough guile to outfox the four-time Grand Slam champion by some distance.

And just when you thought it couldn’t get any more weird, Peter Crouch and Brazilian footballing great Ronaldo were ushered into the Coca-Cola arena, both seemingly late arrivals. That was a sporting pair you probably didn’t have on your bingo card in 2025.

In losing to a man ranked 671st in the world, has Sabalenka, the world’s top female player, provided more ammunition for some to denigrate women’s sport? She didn’t seem to think so – but was already plotting her revenge.

“Really enjoyed the show,” she said in her on-court interview afterwards. “Next time when I play him, I already know the tactics, his strengths and weaknesses, and it will be a better match for sure. I love to challenge myself and I’d love to play again.”

She at least usurped her opponent before the match, when both players made their separate entrances inside Dubai’s Coca-Cola arena. While Kyrgios sported his usual pre-match attire of shorts and tracksuit top, Sabalanka announced herself in a sequined trench coat and danced down the steps towards the court. It was more akin to a boxing ring-walk, which added to the ridiculousness of it all. At least the whole event lasted longer – and was more competitive – than the Anthony Joshua and Jake Paul contest.  

There was, though, more farce than a Christmas pantomime as the match wore on. The one-serve rule ultimately neutralised Sabalenka’s one weapon which makes her so lethal in the women’s game (Oh, yes it did!) which deserted her at times. 

She is a player who has never been good at hiding her frustration on court and in between the playful cameradie and gamesmanship the pair shared across the net, she was visibly annoyed at her flurry of faults and mishits. 

Just when you were getting your head around the rule changes, Sabalenka called for a 60-second time out – not to chat tactics with her coaching team courtside to try and engineer some great victory – but to launch into a rendition of the Maracena for the cameras. Kyrgios, whose T-shirt was sodden with so much sweat by the end it looked like he had raced the Belarusian in a swimming pool, did the same when he had a matchpoint, but chose to use it as a genuine breather before the pair warmly embraced at the net. The 2022 Wimbledon finalist, who later revealed he had to “strap in for a really hard battle”, has a wildcard entry for next month’s Brisbane International, the main warm-up event for next month’s Australian Open. He has some way to go in terms of match fitness if he is to be a genuine contender on the men’s tour again.

The jury is still out on whether there is a market for other instalments of these boy versus girl events in modern day tennis. But judging by the lopsided nature of this contest in front of an Instagram-worthy audience spangled with celebrities, this was a glorified gimmick on a mismatched court. Were you not entertained?