Kids Today Could Never Have Adventures Like The Goonies, Not Even If They Wanted To

By Jennifer Asencio
| Published 1 hour ago

In the 1980s, there was a genre of movie that could be described as “kids on bikes save the day.” Some prominent examples of the genre include E.T., The Lost Boys, The Monster Squad, and The Goonies. The kids in question were snappy, savvy 80s kids: newly introduced to video games and computers, used to comic books, the suburbs, and playing outside. They did a lot by themselves, without parental supervision, often to save their parents from a terrible fate ranging from divorce and loneliness to losing the family home or being eaten by vampires.

In other words, they were nothing like kids today.

Kids On Bikes No Longer Exist

One of the biggest differences between the Kids on Bikes and kids today is the technology. Smartphones, computers, tablets, and other such devices are constantly connected to the Internet. Would there even be Kids on Bikes who go outside their homes to have their adventures, or would their adventures be in massive multiplayer games with communication over Discord?

The Internet would provide them with all the information they would need. Mouth, the Spanish translator from The Goonies, would be replaced by Google Translate. The horror comics given to Sam in The Lost Boys would be replaced by websites or even Wikipedia, as today’s kids would do their research online; they might even ask questions of ChatGPT or some other artificial intelligence rather than relying on their own knowledge or know-how. Even the big sets of encyclopedias that were dominant in many 80s homes are now online.

“Online” for today’s kids is right in their pockets. Kids these days don’t know what it’s like to not be online because smartphones have been such an ubiquitous part of their lives.

Many kids have their own smartphones, while others have access to WiFi through a parent’s old smartphone. The Internet has always been present. Younger kids who are still within the Kids on Bikes age range don’t even know what it’s like to live without 5G and Internet of Things ecosystems like smart lights, smart appliances, and smart cars.

What would happen if today’s kids were transported back to the 80s? They’d have to learn an entirely new way of life.

Kids No Longer Go Out Alone

Today’s parents were yesterday’s Kids on Bikes. Many of us had two working parents, resulting in our being “latchkey kids” who fended for ourselves after school before our parents got home. That forced independence has resulted in some of the Kids on Bikes generation of GenX and Millennials to be more involved in their children’s lives, as well as supporting laws that keep children under supervision most of the time.

Today’s kids aren’t going out alone as often as the Kids on Bikes did because doing so might result in a welfare check by police or “concerned citizens.” The Kids on Bikes were more “free range,” even running small errands for their parents, like dropping letters to the post office or picking up a carton of milk from the grocery store.

Parents Serve Their Children

There is no guarantee that today’s kids will ride bikes. The concern over children being left alone and unsupervised is matched by the amount of technology they are surrounded by.

A kid in an adventure like The Monster Squad would have access to ride-sharing services and public transportation. They might even have their parents to drive them around, since many modern parents wear the “harried soccer mom” identity like a badge of honor. They don’t have credit cards, but kids these days might have debit cards or prepaid cards that help them travel around town. The Kids on Bikes rode bikes around town because there was less transportation, no Uber, and taxis cost more than the average Goonie’s allowance.

Kids today are savvy in their own ways. Technology comes with its own set of skills and advantages, and Kids on Bikes members like Data from The Goonies would thrive on technology they only dreamed about back then. But between technological advancements and social changes, life has become so different for kids that Kids on Bikes are a genre of the past.