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Tate Donovan’s Joshua entered the Friends universe in the 1998 episode “The One with Rachel’s Crush”. He played said crush, a client of hers at Bloomingdale’s with sandy curls and woolly jumpers – and the first man Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) ever asks out. She fancied him so much she couldn’t stop repeating his name: “Josh-ooh-ah. Josh-ua.” That said, Joshua spent most of his five-episode arc entirely oblivious to her feelings.

Their behind-the-scenes dynamic couldn’t have been more different – in reality, the two actors had been dating for two years, and were in the process of breaking up when Donovan was cast on the show. There were certainly feelings involved, and no one was oblivious to them.

Speaking 26 years on from sunny Texas, after a career that’s seen roles in The OC, Argo and Rocketman, Donovan tells me about his experience of filming the show, from how hard it was to shoot his scenes with his ex-girlfriend to why he thought of Matthew Perry as the “beating heart” of the sitcom.

I have to admit, I’ve loved rewatching Friends in preparation for this interview.

English people in general are just obsessed with Friends. It blows my mind. Jen and I dated for two years – when we went to England together, it was like being with a Beatle. We had to say we were having reservations at one restaurant and then go to another. There were fake cars and everything, all to avoid the paparazzi.

Then I did a play with Judi Dench on Broadway [Amy’s View in 1997], and it was directed by Richard Eyre, a titan in the world of theatre. We went out for dinner at this beautiful restaurant and I’m just imagining all the questions about theatre I could ask. So, we sit down and he’s like, “Tell me about Friends.” He was obsessed with f***ing Friends and all he wanted to know about was Joey and what Courteney Cox is really like, and this episode here and that scene there.

I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t get a word in edgewise. I thought we were going to talk about Shakespeare and the Globe, but nothing. The National Theatre? Forget about it. Nothing could top Friends.

You joined Friends 26 years ago – what was it like starring on it so soon after breaking up with Jennifer Aniston?

I’d been dating Jen for years, and I knew the cast. Every Friday night it was just like a ritual – I’d go over there and watch the taping, and it was always such a blast. Then Jen and I broke up, but we didn’t really tell anyone.

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I had always mentioned to the producers that it’s always hilarious when Jen, who’s this gorgeous woman, is madly in love with somebody and the guy just doesn’t see it. It cracked me up. I’d seen it when we first started dating – she did an episode where Rachel was on a date with a guy and the guy was just not into her, and she was falling all over herself. It works because that’s not really how she is in life, but she can act it so well.

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And so, the producers came to me and said, “Hey, we want you to do a five-episode arc where you guys are dating and you’re not really that into her.” And I was like, “Oh, so you’re gonna do that thing.” We were just breaking up and I, for some weird reason, thought that maybe working together would ease the breakup. Maybe we’d become friends quicker. I just wanted to go gently into the good night – we both did.

You thought it would change the dynamic in a good way?

Yes, but it was very tough. Everyone was so supportive, but it was hard. It’s like going to class when you’re in high school and you’ve broken up with the girl who you sat next to and… argh, it’s tough.

But it makes you a pro – it’s like, OK, we got over it. Nobody knows; the audience isn’t gonna know; the audience is gonna think just the opposite. When I look back on it, I’m like, “Wow, good for you, man. That was pretty good.”

There have been reports that you two were engaged, are they true?

No, that wasn’t true. We did live together for a little while, but we were never engaged.

Watching it back, there’s no hint of heartbreak. You both disguise it very well.

Looking back at it now, the thing that just kills me is that Matt Perry was the beating heart of that whole cast. He was the funniest.

When you do a sitcom, you do your scenes and then you get out – you don’t really pay attention to the other scenes. But Matt Perry watched every scene that everyone was in. He certainly watched every scene that I was in. He was such a champion of mine. He was so sweet. He was the only one who called me when me and Jen broke up. And we ran into each other throughout the years, and he was always so incredibly supportive.

It meant so much to me [that he was kind on set] because I was really heartbroken, and you don’t know how well you’re doing, and you’re just trying to survive at that point. It’s such a tragedy that he had such a difficult time in life because, for me, Matt Perry was just… they all imitated his humour.

You joined Friends the year after Perry’s jetski accident, which was a catalyst for his worsening addiction issues and led to an opioid dependence. Could you tell things were beginning to unravel?

Not at all. It’s crazy. And we went out. I was there every Friday, and we would take trips together. I had no idea. It didn’t show. Maybe Jen knew and the other cast members knew, but they certainly kept it very quiet. I remember birthdays and going out to dinner and big parties where people got f***ing hammered, and I never saw Matt more wasted than anybody else, that’s for sure. Super-high-functioning guy.

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Do you ever watch Friends now?

I was flipping through the channels at a hotel recently and I saw it, like, “Oh God, there’s Joshua.” I watched a bit of it and thought it was really good, and funny – for many years it was too painful for me to watch those scenes. I liked that my performance wasn’t too broad. It was a grounded scene – and that’s exactly how I like to see comedy, where the actors are more focused on the scene rather than getting laughs.

My son is 19 and he couldn’t be less interested in Friends or really any television show. It’s amazing to me. He’s into TikTok, and he barely sees movies. He’s a big jock and he’s a good student. I’ve brought him onto sets – when I shot Rocketman, he came to England and he was on the set every day but he couldn’t be less interested in a career in entertainment. It’s kind of hilarious.

There were so many funny moments in your bunch of episodes – especially Joshua’s fear of the ducks at Joey and Chandler’s flat.

Does the duck bit work? I remember them saying, “So, there’s a duck, and you’re frightened of ducks.” And I was like, “Who’s frightened of ducks? That’s not a thing.” I didn’t know how to make it work, but I just went for it.

Were there moments where it was hard not to laugh when you were filming, or was it too emotionally weird filming with your ex to find things funny?

I was never close to corpsing on those episodes. Throughout the two seasons before, you can hear me laughing on the laugh track off stage because I’d be hanging out with the assistant directors, watching the scenes.

Did you get any interesting insights from being behind the scenes and watching the tapings?

All the cast were obsessed with the schedule, especially Courteney Cox. She was hilarious. She could have been an air traffic controller at JFK. She was so focused on when they’re doing a scene, when she has to be in hair and makeup, and when she can leave, when she can go back home, [and] when she can come back.

Friends is still being watched all the time, all around the world. On the one hand, you’ve got lots of people discovering it for the first time and falling in love with it. On the other, there’s been a reappraisal of the series, with criticisms over its lack of diversity and its gay jokes.

I’m kind of shocked that people are still enjoying it because so much of the culture has changed for the better – like, who really cares about all these privileged white kids? It’s the same with The OC. I’m definitely ready for there to be far more diverse voices heard. It’s such a breath of fresh air.

When you look back, where does Friends sit in the puzzle of your career? I know it came after Ally McBeal and Inside Monkey Zetterland, but before The OC and Argo and Damages.

I’m so lucky that I am still acting and directing, and Friends was a great jewel in the crown for sure. But in my career, nothing’s really led to anything else. I can’t see a through line. I’m just trying to get another job – I’ve been that way for over 40 years and, well, I’ve been lucky.