7 Rules For Great Sex During And After Menopause

Though you might associate menopause with hot flushes, that’s just one of 62 symptoms linked to the phase.

Menopause and perimenopause are also associated with changes to your sex drive and even differences in your vaginal and vulvar tissue.

And seeing as the entire menopausal process can last for decades, it seems unfair to expect people to navigate it without much guidance on their changing bodies and needs.

Which is why we spoke to licensed sexologist, relationship therapist and author at Passionerad, Sofie Roos, about how to establish a healthy sex life during and after menopause.

Here, she shared her seven rules:

“During and after the menopause, your lust tends to change. Some people get less interested in sex, while others [develop] a [stronger] desire,” Roos said.

“It’s also common to experience a different or deeper and more emotionally based lust than before.”

As much as possible, the sexologist advised, try not to “panic” about these changes.

“See it as a chance to discover something new, rather than trying to go back to how things used to be… if you can accept that things won’t be the same, you also open up the door for better pleasure than pre-menopause.”

Vaginal dryness can increase during menopause thanks to changes in your oestrogen levels. This “tends to make sex uncomfortable, which puts many in a negative loop where they get less interested in sex due to it not feeling as good anymore,” Roos stated.

“Therefore, take the help of lube, ideally a silicone-based option of good quality, and make sure to use a lot – this will be a saviour!”

Some research suggests that menopause may mean some people take longer to “get going” in the bedroom, as hormonal changes lead to different levels of sensitivity.

“This means that you should invest more time in foreplay, and switch up how you do it,” advised Roos.

“Try a sensual massage, kiss and cuddle longer, focus more on slow touches that build up in intensity, and don’t be afraid to take the help of sex toys such as vibrators, which can help blood to flow [more easily] to the vagina.”

Partnered sex is only one side of the equation here. Roos said menopause is a great opportunity to work out how to offer your own body what it needs, too.

“Discover new ways of turning yourself on, for example, by reading sex novels or watching new types of porn… invest in sex toys, especially vibrators, use lots of lube, and build up the pleasure [over] a longer time,” she stated.

“Also, be open to adapting and changing the way you masturbate based on how things feel and what works, and don’t give up if it takes some time to find solo sex that feels as amazing as before… You will get there eventually.”

If you have a partner, they may benefit from learning about any changing needs, too, Roos said.

“Try to have a good, honest and respectful communication around intimacy. Boundaries and needs get even more important when the body changes, so make sure to open up [about] what feels good, what doesn’t work as it used to, and what you’re curious about trying.

“Invite and help your partner to help you have good sex, and don’t keep it to yourself, as that often leads to stress and anxiety, which is a real killer for [your] sex drive. It’s the two of you in this!”

“I really recommend strengthening the pelvic floor as that helps manage many menopause symptoms, especially symptoms related to sex… it leads to higher sensitivity, more pleasurable intimacy, and a better ability to orgasm,” said Roos.

A 2022 paper found that Kegels and lube both improved sexual function in menopausal women, with Kegels potentially being the more effective of the two.

It sounds obvious, but Roos said that remembering sex is meant to be fun is key to a better connection with your body – whether you’re pre-, post-, or mid-menopause.

“Switch the mindset of sex being something you need to perform, to it instead being a moment of emotional and physical intimacy, playfulness and… pleasure.

“The less pressure, the easier it is to find your own lust and sexiness during and after menopause,” she ended.