Ask A Sex Therapist: How Can I Reach Orgasm With ADHD?

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD, is often linked to traits like forgetfulness and being easily distracted.

While that can be true, Monica Lynne, a certified sex and relationship therapist and resident expert at Flirtini, said that the condition can affect your sex life, too.

ADHD has been linked to higher rates of sexual dysfunction and lower sexual satisfaction.

Speaking to HuffPost UK, Lynne said: “In my experience with clients with ADHD, some find that the ability to hyper focus can cause them to be more fully present in the sexual experience and achieve orgasm more fully and easily while others who feel that their ADHD causes them to be highly distractible can feel that they can’t stay attuned to their partner and their own sexual experience simultaneously.

“Switching from their own pleasure to remembering to be attuned to, attentive and responsive to their partner’s pleasure can be challenging.”

Here, she shared some tips that might increase your chances of “finishing” with ADHD.

To stay present, Lynne advised those with ADHD to try a “sensory anchor,” which could keep them grounded in the moment.

“Choose one of the five senses to focus on for one minute,” she said.

“Gaze at a visual on your partner or in the room, focus on something tactile you can feel with your hands or body, tune into a sound, sniff a scented candle or sensual oil, savour a mint or hard candy to coax your brain out of racing thoughts and back into your body.”

She also suggested a “breath sync reset,” which involves “match[ing] your breathing with your partner for 30-40 seconds to co-regulate your nervous systems and creat[ing] a stronger bond and feeling of embodied arousal.”

And because Lynne said “ADHD attention [can scatter] between too many inputs at once,” it might be an idea to ask your partner to “keep a single consistent rhythm or sensation”.

Lastly, she recommended “introduc[ing] one small change – pressure, tempo, a whispered cue – to trigger a dopamine bump that refocuses the ADHD brain on pleasure.”

The sex and relationship therapist explained, “The techniques are effective because being sexual is an embodied experience. If we are in our heads too much or coming from a cerebral space, we throw up mental hurdles that prohibit us from being in our bodies.

“Eye contact, syncing our breathing, doing anything sensory will help us get out of our heads and into our bodies, which bonds people together in a connected way that can lead to mutual sexual pleasure.”

She added that if ADHD affects your ability to orgasm, it’s a good idea to communicate this with your partner.

“Identifying WHAT you feel, WHY you feel it and HOW you may feel better is the first step. Then you can formulate this into words or the written word to bring your partner into your world,” she ended.

“Self-expression is the tool we have to be understood and create more optimal relational experiences.”