Feeling Like Everyone Hates You May Be Linked To ADHD

“Task paralysis,” ADHD burnout, and “pathological demand avoidance” can all be linked to attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD.

And another symptom, called “rejection sensitive dysphoria” (RSD), has also been linked to the condition. In fact, speaking to ADHD UK, psychiatrist Dr Shyamal Mashru said that it’s seen in “almost all cases of ADHD”.

Alex Partridge, the host of the ADHD Chatter podcast, wrote his new book, Why Does Everybody Hate Me?: Living and Loving with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria about his experience with RSD and ADHD.

Here, we spoke to the Sunday Times-bestselling author about RSD.

“RSD is a symptom of the emotional dysregulation often seen in individuals with ADHD, and it’s massively under-researched and misunderstood,” Partridge said.

“None of us like criticism or rejection, but RSD is different. While a neurotypical person is able to recognise the rejection, rationalise it, feel bad about it and then move on fairly quickly with their day, RSD is physically painful, all-consuming
and disproportionate to the event that triggered it.

“It feels like a bull has charged at you and headbutted you in the chest. It also comes with a tremendous amount of shame.”

Partridge added that when he read the Cleveland Clinic’s definition of RSD, which described the “severe emotional pain” of the condition and linked it to ADHD and possible structural changes in the brain, he “burst into tears”.

“It can be the smallest of criticisms, but my brain turns it into the most heart-wrenching comment ever uttered or heard,” he said.

“I always thought having frequent emotional outbursts was a ‘me’ problem and that there was something inherently broken about me, so to hear that it was a part of my ADHD was such a relief.”

For Partridge, RSD was the “worst” part of ADHD.

“A tiny comment can incapacitate me for days. I people-please, I say ‘yes’ to things I don’t really want to do, and I put other people’s wants and needs before my own, all in an effort to avoid offending anyone and therefore exposing myself
to criticism,” he said.

“The impact of RSD on my life is huge,” he added, saying it can carry “immesurable shame”.

Partridge wants more research into RSD in people with ADHD, and wishes it wasn’t “brushed aside” in clinical settings.

“The ADHD community deserves to know about RSD, to understand who they are and why they acted the way they did in past situations and, most importantly, to understand that RSD is not their fault.

“This is the only way to eradicate the compounding effects of shame.”

The Cleveland Clinic recommended seeing a healthcare provider if you think you have RSD. They may be able to help diagnose related conditions, like ADHD.

Partridge also shared his three-step coping mechanism with us, too.

“Firstly, give your strong feeling a name. I call RSD my ‘ADHD nasties’, and when I’m triggered, I tell myself they have come to the surface. I then remind myself that I’m wired differently from many people and there’s a
neurological reason for this feeling.

“Then I advise removing yourself from the situation that’s triggered your RSD, whether this is stopping yourself from responding to an email or excusing yourself politely from a conversation with someone. I also find regulating tools, such as breathing exercises, can really help to seize back control from RSD impulses that have taken over your brain.”

He ended, “Finally, remind yourself how valuable you are, either by looking at a list of your achievements and positive character traits on your phone or in a notebook, or asking a trusted person to share them with you”.

Alex Partridge is the host of the ADHD Chatter podcast and a Sunday Times bestselling author. His new book Why Does Everybody Hate Me?: Living and Loving with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, is available to pre-order now (Sheldon Press, 24 March, £16.99).