How To Celebrate Christmas With Neurodivergent Children

While there is a lot of magic to be found at Christmas, especially with cosy gatherings and taking the time to exhale after a busy, perhaps difficult, year, for some families it isn’t quite so simple.

This is because beneath the bright, twinkling lights and long, busy meals, for some families, there is a deep feeling of overwhelm. The ‘fun’ and ‘excitement’ we associate with the season feels more iike overstimulation and dysregulation.

I know for myself, I have dreaded Christmases past because I desperately missed the comfort of routine.

However, just because the traditional ideas of Christmas don’t work for people who live with autism and ADHD, doesn’t mean we don’t get to celebrate it in a way that works for families like us.

In fact, Clinical psychologist Dr Selina Warlow, from The Nook Clinic, says: “amilies are increasingly stepping away from “the perfect Christmas” and creating alternative traditions that prioritise comfort, connection and emotional safety.

“Many of the traditional rituals clash with neurodivergent needs,” she explains.

“Bright lights, long meals, unpredictable social dynamics – these can be intensely stressful. Alternative traditions aren’t about avoiding Christmas, but redesigning it so more people can enjoy it.”

Your loved ones gathering together in one place sounds lovely in theory but realistically, it can be a bit much. Warlow advises: “For some families, swapping crowded events for quieter traditions is transformative.”

• Christmas Eve walks
• board games instead of party games
• watching films together under blankets

Warlow adds: “These offer connection without sensory overload, and often become cherished rituals in their own right.”

A frosty walk in our scarves and boots followed by snuggling on the sofa? Sign me up.

Honestly, being physically uncomfortable in scratchy, uncomfortable clothes while also being overstimulated is a recipe for disaster. I spend Christmas Day in pyjamas as much as possible and Dr Warlow recommends similar.

She says: “Comfort regulates the nervous system,” says Dr Warlow. “A relaxed body supports a relaxed mind.”

While many of us often crave routine and predictability, traditional Christmases come with routines that are overwhelming, with fixed meal times, visiting certain people and attending certain events.

• meals when hungry
• shorter visits to loved ones
• leaving early without guilt

Remember, your day matters too. Your comfort and enjoyment matter, too.

Yes, festive markets, pantos and elaborate cooking are all very Christmassy but, do you enjoy them? Letting go of what you’re ‘expected’ to do and instead embracing what you want to do can be very liberating — and peaceful!

Dr Warlow says: “Children remember feeling safe, not whether their family made the ‘right’ choices.”

“When families stop trying to replicate an idealised version of Christmas and start designing routines around real needs, the season becomes less about performance and more about genuine connection,” says Dr Warlow.

Creating traditions that work for you and your family is possibly the most lasting gift you give one another.

Dr Warlow advises: “Children with Autism can find it overwhelming at Christmas and may find it hard due to lack of control and uncertainty.

“This can be mitigated by having no surprises, letting children be in control of the gifts they choose and some people also choose not to wrap presents to support with this, but also from a sensory level the ripping of paper can sometimes be difficult for children with sensory needs.”

While the typical visual of Christmas morning sees children racing to rip open gifts, for some this can be overwhelming on many levels.

Dr Warlow says: “Some families spread gifting across several days, or offer fewer, more thoughtful items. This reduces pressure, prolongs enjoyment and makes it easier for children to regulate their responses.”

Have a lovely, peaceful Christmas.