How to deal with worry this Christmas

Christmas can be hard. For some people, it increases loneliness, grief, hopelessness and family tension, and the festive season has a way of turning ordinary concerns into urgent ones. Not because something terrible is guaranteed to happen, but because more is often at stake: money, time, family dynamics, travel and expectations.

A large study found a small but consistent dip in people’s wellbeing in the run-up to Christmas. One psychological process that often shows up under this pressure is worry.

It helps to separate worry from anxiety, because although they feel similar, they are not the same. Worry is mostly a thought process, often taking the form of “what if” questions such as “what if I don’t make everyone happy?” or “what if the cooking goes wrong?”. It tends to be negative and focused on the future.

Anxiety, by contrast, is the body’s threat system revving up. People may experience it as tension, dread, a racing heart or a churning stomach. But there is another part of worry that is particularly important. The issue is rarely the first “what if” thought. It is what happens next.

A psychological approach called metacognitive therapy focuses on the beliefs people hold about worrying itself. These beliefs can quietly determine whether worry passes quickly or turns into a long spiral.

Some beliefs sound reassuring or even helpful. Research has identified positive beliefs such as “worrying helps me prepare”, “worrying stops bad things from happening”, or “worrying shows I care”.

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Others are more openly distressing. Negative beliefs include thoughts such as “my worrying is uncontrollable” or “my worrying is dangerous”.

Together, these beliefs can keep worry going by making it feel urgent, important and impossible to step away from.

When worry feels urgent and uncontrollable, people often try to manage it in ways that backfire: answering one “what if” with another, seeking repeated reassurance, misusing alcohol, or trying to block thoughts altogether.

Interrupting the worry pattern

One way to interrupt this pattern is to catch worry early and picture it as a text message.

A worry thought arrives like a message on your phone: What if the dinner goes wrong? What if they spoil things? What if they are disappointed with the gift?

You did not choose for the message to arrive. Thoughts often appear automatically. But the message contains a link and invites you to click on it. Clicking the link leads to prolonged worrying, rising anxiety and attempts to solve unsolvable problems at 2am.

The key point is this: you may not control which messages arrive, but you can learn not to click every link. That is the most controllable part of worry.

A technique designed to do this is called “worry postponement”, and it is more evidence based than it sounds. Studies and reviews show that postponing worry, or confining it to a specific time window, can reduce overall worry levels.

The idea is simple. You are postponing engagement with worry, not pretending it is not there. Pick a daily “worry slot” that is not just before bed. Five to ten minutes is enough.

When a worry message arrives outside that window, do something small but deliberate: notice it, name it as worry, and postpone it. For example: “That’s a worry message. I’ll deal with it at 7.30pm.” If it returns later, do the same again: notice, name, postpone.

When 7.30pm arrives, you can engage with the worry if you choose, but only for the agreed time.

Many people forget to use the slot at all, or find that after a day of postponing worry they feel less motivated to start worrying. Evidence suggests that learning to control your response to worry reduces its power.

Another helpful step is questioning beliefs about the usefulness of worry.

Worry often masquerades as protection. It can feel like it prevents disappointment, shows how much you care, or keeps bad things from happening.

One study found that over 90% of people’s worries, as logged day to day, did not come true.

Even when the issue is real, such as money or a difficult family situation, worry is not the same as dealing with the problem. Studies suggest that getting stuck in worry can make people less clear, less confident and more anxious than approaching the issue in a practical, step-by-step way:

1. If the task is preparation, planning works better than worrying.

2. If the task is avoiding conflict, setting a boundary is more effective than worrying.

3. If the task is showing care, actions matter more than worry.

Reframing these beliefs as another kind of scam message can make worry feel less convincing and less worth clicking on.

Christmas can be a difficult time, with heightened pressures and expectations. Learning not to click every worry link can make it more manageable. It is a skill for life, not just for Christmas.