Journalist Jilly Beattie writes about why she thinks we need to listen to our gut feelings so just maybe the next Colin Howell might not find the space to prove just so deadly
Double killer Colin Howell is what evil looks like when the pretence of normality and decency is stripped away.
There is nothing complicated about this double killer and today, 17 years after the moment I heard he had confessed to double murder, I consider him to have just one overriding, unavoidable and deadly trait – an evil mind.
He’s not mad, he’s bad, and he’s bad in the extreme. In my view he’s a poster boy for evil, a chilling example of how evil doesn’t always appear monstrous.
In the years since I first heard his name, I’ve studied him, his cover-ups and lies, his claims and his awful decisions, and I believe that as an educated man, a loved son and young husband, Howell once understood the meaning of accountability, empathy and moral restraint.
But the fatal flaw was that he allowed power, desire and self-justification to take their place. It left him barrelling in a moral vacuum. There was no steady ground for Howell, nothing to hold on to and when he let go of his humanity, what was left behind was a monster.
And because he had great cover in his professional life, his church life and his role as an apparent doting dad, he got away with it for years. Wrapped in a cloak of what appeared to be authenticity, humanity and sincerity, he was trusted and admired.
With casual treachery this smiling assassin plotted, planned and carried out the murder of two innocent people to satisfy his own desires. He inflicted serious harm on six small children by leaving them without a beloved parent and protector. And with absolute indifference, he watched and played the poor widower knowing it had been his actions which had devastated his victims’ loved ones and friends. Then he created a cloud of doubt and shame over the deaths of his wife Lesley Howell and his lover’s husband Trevor Buchanan.
As these good and decent people were laid to rest, Colin Howell, in full awareness and with no moral restraint, justification or remorse, buried the truth with them.
For years I tried to make sense of Howell. But as time went on I discovered that the trouble with trying to understand why he acted as he did, why he cheated and pretended to be someone he was not, why he murdered and eventually confessed, was that I was trying to shine the light of common logic into dark heart and mind. There just was no way in.
But if we start from a place where we accept that Howell had lost his compassion and humanity, and that quite simply he is bad, then it is more straightforward.
We must remember that Colin Howell valued and celebrated just one thing: Colin Howell.
He perceived those around him as objects or obstacles, feeling no internal resistance to anyone’s suffering , and any sense of empathy that could have acted as a brake to stop him, was either missing, lost or rejected.
In that space, causing chaos and harm became easy for him. He didn’t even need to hate his victims, he just had to feel indifferent towards Lesley and Trevor. He decided that they were in his way, he needed them gone and when he found a willing partner in Hazel Stewart (nee Buchanan), together they disengaged morally from our world and lived in another world they’d created for themselves.
With his co-conspirator not blocking his path, Howell discovered that he held a powerful position of authority, control and influence and the promise of secrecy coupled with a lack of empathy and accountability was a deadly combination.
As a journalist, there have been times when I’ve thought I’d like to meet Colin Howell, to look him in the eye and explain what I see – and hear what he has to say. I feel though, I would be deeply disappointed. He’s a dull little man. He holds nothing of interest today.
People were shocked by Howell’s evil actions because he had presented himself as tidy, calm, functional, rational and convincing. He never appeared chaotic or obviously broken but now we know, he was lethal – and that’s why the chill factor around his case lingers across all these years.
While he personifies what decent people are repulsed by, I believe he has left each of us one simple life lesson. Now that his confessions have been laid bare, his calm voice and over-helpful approach to the police, have been witnessed, more and more people have come forward with memories of both him and Hazel Stewart.
Each of those who have contacted me, and those whose responses have been recorded or relayed to me, say there was something about him they just did not trust, something they found uncomfortable, something just a little bit ‘off’. Each of them was talking about a ‘gut feeling’ or intuition – the human lifebelt.
Today in 2026, it is that gut feeling that I feel we really need to reacquaint ourselves with.
As a young journalist I had to hone my gut feeling as I strove for success. Sometimes I got it wrong but in most cases I got it right. It takes pause. It takes listening. It takes time and it takes trust – trust of oneself.
If we can sharpen our intuition, if we can learn what our gut feeling actually feels like, and if we can learn not to ignore it, then we can mix that into a world where people are more willing to speak up, to question and challenge, and maybe, just maybe the next Colin Howell might not find the space to prove just so deadly.
Confessions Of A Killer has been made by Below The Radar Television with support from Northern Ireland Screen. Both episodes are available on BBC iPlayer.
For all the latest news, visit the Belfast Live homepage here and sign up to our daily newsletter here.
