Kirsty Redford: Grief that still finds a way to comfort

She was Middleton to her bones.

A machinist all her working life, a proud bowling club member, card player, domino lover and a woman who loved to dance, even when her body tried to slow her down.

You never, ever left her house hungry.

Her pies and her cakes should have been sold in a shop.

At Christmas, she wrote more cards than most card shops could supply.

Her sideboard disappeared under red festive envelopes because she made people feel remembered.

I took her to every appointment.

Made her tea. Sat chatting the life out of her living room, with her fire roaring. We laughed, we reminisced and we shared everything.

And when she went, my world did not feel quieter. It felt emptier.

Grief is not just sadness. It is love with nowhere to go. That is where the loneliness can creep in, even when you are surrounded by people.

So instead of staying frozen in that space, I created a small tradition in her name.

Once a month, I have a Life Day.

I cook something she loved or I tell someone about her.

Not to reopen pain, but to keep her moving through life.

A Simple Tool: The Anchor of Connection

When we grieve, the brain links memories to pain. But we can change that link.

Here is something you can do yourself.

First, think of a warm memory with the person you have lost. One where you felt loved, safe or deeply connected. For me, it is her laughing while telling me a story.

Feel it properly. Where do you feel it in your body? Your chest, stomach, shoulders?

At the moment you feel that warmth, gently press two fingers together or place your hand over your heart.

This becomes your anchor.

Hold the memory for around 20 seconds, then relax your hand.

Repeat this a few times over the next few days using different positive memories of them.

Now, when loneliness or grief hits, press those same fingers together or place your hand on your heart.

It tells your brain to bring back the feeling of connection, not just the pain of absence.

You are teaching your mind that remembering does not have to hurt. It can comfort.

If you are missing someone today, remember this:

Loneliness after loss does not mean you are broken. It means you loved fully.

And love does not disappear. It changes form.

So do something they loved. Think of them. Press your anchor. Grief is love that still wants to live.

Kirsty Redford is a qualified Master NLP Practitioner, Life Coach, Mindfulness Practitioner and Certified Firewalking Instructor.

As founder of Firewalk Events, she helps people build confidence and resilience, inspiring them to find their inner power and reignite their spark. 

Visit – www.firewalkevents.co.uk to find out more.