DEAR ABBY: Mom weathers deep emotions as children grow up

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DEAR ABBY: I had my four children by the time I was 24. My oldest is a senior, while my others are a sophomore, eighth grader and a seventh grader. I feel, at times, that I go through a grieving process more now than ever as they are getting older and time is racing by so incredibly fast.

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Is it normal to feel sadness and grief over your children growing up, knowing they are going to be gone in a few years? My oldest just joined the military and leaves after her final year of high school. I became a mom at such a young age that it’s all I have ever known and dedicated my life to (besides being a wife and health-care worker).

Is what I am feeling normal and, if so, does the emotional part of it ever get easier? I pride myself on being the best I can be as a mother and provider, and I am having a hard time — especially with my oldest — knowing that I have to let go. — INVESTED MAMA IN TENNESSEE

DEAR MAMA: People experience “empty nest syndrome” to varying degrees. You are a successful parent, but you are also more than that. You have raised your daughter to (young) adulthood and prepared her for independence. That was your job. She is not dying, you are not losing her and she isn’t “disappearing over a sand dune.” She now has a chance to use the skills you have taught her to create a successful future.

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Dry your tears. Be proud of yourself. Be proud of her. Now that your children are older, explore activities that will enrich your own life. You have earned it.

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DEAR ABBY: I recently got engaged, and I am thrilled to be marrying such a wonderful man. We communicate well and have never argued until now. Weddings are expensive, and we agreed on a budget. We will be paying for this on our own. Once we started getting into all the costs, we quickly realized we will have to lower the number of guests or increase the budget.

I am completely against increasing the budget to accommodate family members my fiance hardly talks to. I wanted a small wedding anyway. He feels obligated to invite all his extended family members, and I don’t understand it. I love him, but why are we obligated to overextend ourselves for people who won’t be a major part of our lives going forward? — FRUGAL FUTURE BRIDE IN FLORIDA

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DEAR FUTURE BRIDE: Be glad you are having this argument with your fiance early in your engagement. I say this because questions about priorities and how money is spent are among the chief reasons marriages break up. Although this may add to the expenses attached to your wedding, it could head off many problems down the road if the two of you get pre-marital counselling. There may be other ways to cut costs rather than shorten the guest list, particularly if your fiance feels his family members might feel slighted if they aren’t invited.

— Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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