And when you get some of the most prolific musicians in the world in the same room, it’s no surprise that the Grammys have more than delivered over the years.
In the lead-up to this year’s ceremony, we’re counting down 27 of the most shocking and memorable moments from the Grammys over the years…
Adele refuses to accept her Album Of The Year award (2017)
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Adele swept the board following the release of her album, 25, but when she won over Beyoncé’s opus Lemonade, even the Hello singer herself had to admit something was up.
“I can’t possibly accept this award,” she said, “The Lemonade album was so monumental… so well thought out and so beautiful and soul-bearing, and we all got to see another side to you that we don’t always let us see.”
Addressing Beyoncé, Adele continued: “All us artists here, we fucking adore you. You are our light, and the way that you make me and my friends feel, the way you make my Black friends feel is empowering, and you make them stand up for themselves. I love you, and I always will.”
Beyoncé proves why she is the Queen (2023)
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During the ceremony in 2023, Beyoncé made history when she became the person in history with the most Grammy wins (overtaking, believe it or not, Hungarian classical musician Sir Georg Solti), when Renaissance was awarded Best Dance/Electronic Album .
“I’m trying not to be too emotional and just receive this night,” she told the crowd on the night. “I want to thank God for protecting me. I’d like to thank my Uncle Johnny who is not here. But he’s here in spirit.
“I’d like to thank my parents, my father, my mother, for loving me and pushing me. I’d like to thank my beautiful husband, my beautiful three children who are at home watching. I’d like to thank the queer community for your love and for inventing this genre. God bless you.”
Jay-Z asks the Grammys one big question (2024)
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When collecting the Global Impact Award in 2024, Jay-Z couldn’t resist taking a pop at the fact that his wife, Beyoncé, had somehow still never won Album Of The Year, despite stellar past offerings like Lemonade and Renaissance and – oh yeah! – the fact she’s the most decorated Grammy recipient in history.
“I don’t want to embarrass this young lady, but she has more Grammys than anyone, and has never won Album Of The Year,” he pointed out in his acceptance speech.
“Even by your own metrics, that doesn’t work. Think about that. Most Grammys. Never won Album Of The Year. That doesn’t work.”
Beyoncé finally wins Album Of The Year (2025)
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Let’s be honest, she probably deserved it several years earlier, but Beyoncé finally picked up Album Of The Year in 2025 for her country-inspired album Cowboy Carter.
Lady Gaga egg-cedes eggs-pectations with her Grammys entrance (2011)
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Nobody was egg-specting (alright, enough of that now) Lady Gaga to play it down when she arrived at the Grammys, where she would be opening the show with a debut performance of her then-new single Born This Way, but who could have anticipated this was how she’d make her entrance?
Playing up to the “birth” theme of her track, she was carried down the red carpet in a giant egg, which she emerged from to perform the song on stage later in the show.
‘Hey, Nicki, who’s your pal?’ (2012)
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Upping the game when it came to dramatic Grammys entrances, Nicki Minaj hit the red carpet in a red Versace cloak, on the arm of an older man who was dressed as the Pope.
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She also opened the show that year with a medley of Roman’s Revenge, Roman Holiday and I Feel Pretty (yes, the one from West Side Story), in a performance laden with Catholic imagery which was supposed to show the exorcism of her alter-ego, Roman Zolanski.
Eminem and Elton John put on a show of solidarity after an unlikely duet (2001)
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And while we’re on the subject of surprising performances, Eminem made headlines in 2001 when he welcomed Elton John to the stage with him to perform Dido’s parts on his hit Stan.
The two held hands at the end of the performance in what appeared to be the rapper’s attempts to put a stop to accusations of homophobia that had frequently been levelled against him.
Amy Winehouse just can’t believe it as Rehab is named Record Of The Year (2008)
In 2008, Amy Winehouse’s personal life had eclipsed her music to the point she wasn’t even allowed to attend the Grammys that year, and was forced to perform over satellite.
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When Rehab was given the distinction of winning Record Of The Year over acts like Beyoncé, Rihanna and Justin Timberlake, Amy’s endearing look of disbelief pushed people to take the late star into their hearts even more than they already had.
Justin Timberlake apologises post-Super Bowl and it’s all very uncomfortable (2004)
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The 2004 Super Bowl took place just seven days before that year’s Grammys, meaning Justin Timberlake had already been splashed all over the news for exposing Janet Jackson’s breast during their Half-Time Show performance.
But if you thought it had been a bad week for him, spare a thought for Janet.
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Justin performed his then-new single Señorita during the show, all the while Janet’s scheduled performance with Luther Vandross was axed completely.
And while the former N*SYNC singer apologised to anyone “offended” during his acceptance speech for Best Male Pop Vocal Performance (yes he won in a year when Janet had been blacklisted), he made no mention of the woman he’d been sharing the stage with.
Pharrell Williams’ hat steals the show on the red carpet (2014)
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Remember that week when Pharrell Williams’ hat was photoshopped onto everything? Simpler times, eh?
Jennifer Lopez breaks the internet more than a decade before Kim Kardashian (2000)
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And while we’re on the subject of sartorial choices at the Grammys – behold! That dress.
This was an outfit so famous that Google literally invented their “Images” tab because so many people wanted to see what Jennifer Lopez was wearing on the red carpet.
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Waiting For Tonight may have lost out to Cher’s Believe in the Best Dance Recording category, but who could deny that Jenny From The Block was the true winner that night?
And while we’re on the subject of scene-stealing moments on the Grammys red carpet (2025)
Kanye “Ye” West had been keeping something of a low profile ahead of the 2025 Grammys following a string of high-profile controversies, but he and his wife Bianca Censori wound up becoming the most talked-about guests at the ceremony that year when they walked the red carpet.
Initially, Bianca arrived in an oversized black fur coat, which she dropped in front of photographers to reveal a completely sheer mini-dress with nothing underneath.
Around a year later, Ye issued a public apology for all of this, claiming that at the time he was in a manic episode as a result of his bipolar disorder and had “lost touch with reality”.
Céline Dion takes one massive step back into the spotlight (2024)
Milli Vanilli have their Grammys taken away (1990)
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The German R&B duo was named Best New Artist in 1990, although their victory was short-lived.
It later transpired the two didn’t actually contribute any of the vocals heard on their releases, prompting the Music Academy to take back their titles.
Billy Porter debuts the headpiece that inspired a million memes (2020)
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Billy Porter’s red carpet fashion moments are constantly grabbing headlines, but this effort from the 2020 Grammys is one that particularly stands out.
Billie Eilish makes her Grammys debut – and completely sweeps the board (2020)
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Billie Eilish made music history when she hit up her first Grammys in 2020, not only scooping the biggest four awards of the night – Album Of The Year, Record Of The Year, Song Of The Year and Best New Artist – but becoming the youngest musician in history to do so.
The then-18-year-old also performed When The Party’s Over during the ceremony with her brother and co-producer, Finneas.
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Kanye ‘Ye’ West lives up to his stage-invading reputation (2015)
Having stormed the stage in defence of Beyoncé at the VMAs six years earlier, Ye stood up for Queen Bey once again when she was beaten in the Album Of The Year category by Beck.
Perhaps suddenly remembering the huge backlash that had come his way in the wake of the VMAs incident, Ye decided not to take to the mic this time around, instead shrugging his shoulders and swiftly returning to his front row seat.
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The rapper later claimed that if Beck “respected artistry” he would have given his award to Beyoncé for her game-changing self-titled album.
A stage invader crashes Bob Dylan’s performance (1998)
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The 1998 Grammys were clearly a year to remember, as in addition to Ol’ Dirty Bastard storming the stage, another unplanned moment helped make headlines, this time while Bob Dylan was performing.
While Bob Dylan performed Love Sick a bare-chested man with “Soy Bomb” written on his torso appeared behind him, and was eventually removed by security.
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He later claimed: “Soy represents dense nutritional life. Bomb is, obviously, an explosive destructive force. So, ‘soy bomb’ is what I think art should be: dense, transformational, explosive life!”
Adele’s All I Ask performance doesn’t quite go to plan (2016)
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Listen, we all have our off days, as Adele proved at the 2016 Grammys. Despite riding high on her recent comeback with 25, this performance had everyone talking for all the wrong reasons.
She later confessed to “crying all day” following her appearance at the Grammys, she told Ellen Degeneres: “During the changeover the microphones fell onto the piano strings which is what the guitar noise was… and then it kind of put the whole thing off really.”
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And unfortunately, her bad Grammys luck didn’t end there (2017)
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Things got off to a much smoother start a year later, when she opened the show with a rendition of Hello.
However, when she came back later in the show to perform a surprise tribute to George Michael, things took something of a nosedive.
After a shaky start, she eventually stopped the performance completely one minute in, stating: “I know it’s live TV, I’m sorry. I can’t do it again like last year. I’m sorry for swearing and sorry for starting again, can we please start it again? I’m sorry, I can’t mess this up for him. I’m sorry.”
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She then restarted the performance, and paid fitting tribute to the musical legend.
Jennifer Hudson pays beautiful tribute to Whitney Houston (2012)
Jennifer’s flawless version of I Will Always Love You would stand up by itself as a showcase for the Dreamgirls star’s amazing talent.
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But when you take into account she’d had less than 24 hours to rehearse the song, as Whitney Houston had died the day before, it makes it all the more poignant and impressive.
Lady Gaga channels Ziggy Stardust as she prepares to honour David Bowie (2016)
Sadly not all tribute performances at the Grammys have won such unanimous praise.
Lady Gaga divided Bowie fans after she was selected to pay tribute to him at the Grammys that year, with some suggesting that by donning his famous outfits and attempting to imitate his performance style, she’d made the show more about herself than her idol.
Even Bowie’s son seemed nonplussed, although when Lorde put her own subdued spin on Life On Mars? at the Brits weeks later, he was far more impressed…
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Madonna introduces Sam Smith’s divisive performance with a celebration of ‘troublemakers’ (2023)
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By the time the Grammys rolled around in 2023, Sam Smith had been at the centre of plenty of controversy thanks to their hits Unholy and I’m Not Here To Make Friends – so there was no one better to introduce them at the Grammys than the Queen of Controversy herself.
“You guys need to know ― all you troublemakers out there ― you need to know that your fearlessness does not go unnoticed. You are seen, you are heard and, most of all, you are appreciated,” Madonna said during her intro.
It’s worth pointing out that both Sam and Madonna faced even more backlash after the Grammys, thanks to the former’s “devilish” performance and the latter’s appearance, which they shrugged off during their collab Vulgar, recorded that same week.
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Taylor Swift uses her acceptance speech to fire back at Kanye West (2016)
Following a brief truce, Taylor Swift and Kanye West’s feud was well and truly back on by the 2016 Grammys, after he disparagingly referenced her in his song Famous.
Referring specifically to his notorious “I made that bitch famous” line, Taylor told the crowd: “To all the young women out there, there are going to be people out along the way who will try to undercut your success, and try to take credit for your accomplishments and your fame.”
“I told myself if I ever won a Grammy and I got to stand up here, in front of the most popular people in music, I would demand that labels and the industry profiting millions of dollars off of artists would offer a liveable wage and healthcare, especially to developing artists,” she said, to massive applause from the audience.
She concluded: “Record labels need to treat their artists as valuable employees with a liveable wage, health insurance and protection. Labels, we got you. But do you got us?”
Ariana Grande gets all dressed up with no place to go (2019)
In 2019, Ariana Grande had been scheduled to perform at the Grammys, where she had been nominated for two awards.
Ultimately, she pulled out after a much-publicised row with a producer, but still ended up stealing the show on the night, sharing snaps of her red carpet outfit (which she sported to lay around the house), live-tweeting the whole event and even winning her first Grammy after snubbing the show completely.
Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion give their WAP-tastic tune its live debut (2021)
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The two rappers’ outrageous collab was a number-one smash on both sides of the Atlantic in 2020, but because of the pandemic, they weren’t able to perform it live together until the following year.
Still, Cardi and Megan made sure WAP got the live debut it deserved, with a performance so raunchy it sparked almost 1000 complaints to the FCC (America’s equivalent to Ofcom).
The 2026 Grammys will take place on Sunday 1 February.
The iconic songwriter Neil Sedaka has died at the age of 86.
Initially breaking through in the early years of rock and roll in the 1950s, Neil’s songwriting abilities gave his career a second wind decades later, leading to him penning hit singles for both himself and other artists.
He died on Friday, following reports in the press that he’d been admitted to hospital.
“Our family is devastated by the sudden passing of our beloved husband, father and grandfather, Neil Sedaka,” his family said in a statement.
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“A true rock and roll legend, an inspiration to millions, but most importantly, at least to those of us who were lucky enough to know him, an incredible human being who will be deeply missed.”
Hits Neil wrote and released himself included Laughter In The Rain, Calendar Girl and the Grammy-nominated Breaking Up Is Hard To Do.
Neil Sedaka at his piano in 1975
Other songs in his catalogue included Solitaire, made famous by The Carpenters, Love Will Keep Us Together, a US number one for Captain & Tennille in the mid-1970s and ABBA’s Ring Ring, for which he contributed lyrics for the English-language version.
Neil also had writing credits on Connie Francis’ Stupid Cupid and Tony Christie’s Is This The Way To Amarillo?, which had a resurgence in popularity in 2005 thanks to a Comic Relief skit starring the comedian Peter Kay.
In the 2020s, Neil had another surge in popularity thanks to daily virtual concerts he put on during lockdown, performing a handful of his songs in each.
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Neil also continued to perform live well into his 80s, and wrote songs until as recently as 2022.
His most recent studio album, I Do It For Applause, was released in 2016.
The music legend is survived by his wife of more than 60 years, Leba Strassberg, and their son and daughter, Marc and Dana.
Not only are some of the biggest names in music up for awards – with Lola Young and Olivia Dean leading the way, and Sam Fender, Lily Allen, Dave, Wolf Alice and Raye battling it out in some of the night’s top categories – it also marks the first time since the Brits launched in the late 1970s that the ceremony is taking place outside London.
On Saturday night, the red carpet was rolled out at Manchester’s Co-Op Live arena, ahead of the star-studded nominees’ arrivals.
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But as well as the nominated artists from both the UK and beyond to look out for, there are also some impressive A-list performers on the bill, including Harry Styles and Robbie Williams.
Take a look at all the red carpet photos you need to see from this year’s Brit Awards below – and make sure you keep checking back, as we’ll be updating our list as more stars make their arrivals…
A government minister accused of organising a smear campaign against journalists has quit.
Josh Simons announced his resignation as a Cabinet Office minister after it emerged he had been cleared by Sir Laurie Magnus, the government’s ethics adviser, of breaching the ministerial code.
In a post on X, he said: “The Independent Advisor on Ministerial Standards has cleared me of breaching the ministerial code.
“But with regret, remaining in office has become a distraction, so I have resigned from government.”
The organisation commissioned an investigation by PR consultancy Apco Worldwide into the “backgrounds and motivations” of reporters who had written stories about it.
Its findings – which included false allegations about Sunday Times’ journalists Gabriel Pogrund and Harry Yorke – were then shared informally with Labour figures.
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Simons has consistently denied any wrongdoing.
In a letter setting out his findings to the PM, Sir Laurie said: “I see no basis for advising you of any breach of the Ministerial Code by Mr Simons, but you will wish to consider, in the light of this distraction and potential reputational damage, whether he continues to hold your confidence as a member of your government.”
In his resignation letter to Starmer, Simons said what had happened to Gabriel Pogrund was “a disgrace”.
He added: “I welcome that Sir Laurie Magnus has cleared me of breaching the Ministerial Code.
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“It was important to me to complete this process to prove that I behaved with integrity and that my public statements have been truthful and honest.
“Nonetheless, it is clear that my remaining in office has now become a distraction from this government’s important work. For that reason, and with sadness and regret, I offer my resignation. It has been an honour to serve this great country.”
The PM said in his letter: “I understand that, to avoid any ongoing distraction from delivering the government’s mission, you have taken the difficult decision to step aside.
“I respect that decision, and I look forward to continuing to work with you in driving forward the Government’s priorities
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A friend of Simons said: “The investigation found that Josh never sought to smear and investigate newspaper reporters.
“He has done the responsible thing to resign to end the distraction, putting the interests of the party first.”
A senior Labour source said Simons was “a good man who has been stitched up completely”.
But shadow Cabinet Office minister Alex Burghart said Starmer “should have sacked him last week”.
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He posted on X: “It was clear as day that he had done wrong. Labour waited to refer the case to the Independent Adviser to delay judgement until after the by-election (fat lot of good that did) Need full investigation into Labour Together now.”
The Prime Minister should have sacked him last week – it was clear as day that he had done wrong
Labour waited to refer the case to the Independent Adviser to delay judgement until after the by-election (fat lot of good that did)
Do you remember the great slug influx of 2024? In the words of the iconic Gemma Collins: “It’s hell in there, it’s horror. You have to be a certain type of person to survive.” It was gruesome. I stepped on a slug IN MY HOME in my BARE FEET.
The Royal Horticultural Society (RHS) shares on their website: “Mild, wet weather across the winter, spring and summer resulted in the highest number of calls to the RHS advisory service since records began in the 70s.
“13% of all enquiries to the entomology team related to slugs and snails. This is thought to be as a result of slugs being active earlier, increased breeding and more persistent activity with the absence of any prolonged warm, dry spells forcing them back underground.”
I’ll tell you something, none of my plants survived that summer.
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So, will there be a surge of slugs this spring?
Writing for The Conversation, Christopher Terrell Nield, a Lecturer in Chemistry and Forensic Science at Nottingham Trent University advises: “Although flooding can kill overwintering eggs and adults, a mild wet winter will have reduced slug mortality. It may also affect slug predators… Flooding also creates lots of ready food for slugs from plants that have died in the water, a potential slug fest as it dries in spring.
He shares that, thankfully, our upcoming conditions point towards increased slug populations but probably not as bad as 2024.
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Was anything as bad as that?
How to prevent slugs from destroying your plants
The RHS has a guide to preventing slugs with some of the tips including:
Choose plants that are less palatable to slugs and snails, such as woody plants, those with thick or waxy leaves and some herbaceous plants known to be less appealing to them
Torchlight searches can be carried out on mild evenings, especially when the weather is damp, hand-picking slugs and snails into a container. They can then be placed in another part of your garden, such as the compost heap or areas with less vulnerable plants, or left out for predators to take
Water in the early morning rather than the evening as evening watering provide ideal conditions for them to move around at night
Although we’ve come a long way as a culture in destigmatising therapy, there are still many lingering myths and misunderstandings that shape how people think about the process.
From incorrect beliefs about how therapy is “supposed” to work to misguided assumptions about what it means to seek mental health treatment in the first place, these misconceptions can keep people from pursuing this helpful option – or leave them disappointed when it doesn’t unfold the way they imagined.
Below, mental health professionals break down some common misconceptions about therapy and what the experience is actually like.
Misconception: Going to therapy means something is wrong with you.
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“A persistent misconception is that going to therapy means something is wrong with you, or that you are weak,” Dr. Sue Varma, a psychiatrist and author of “Practical Optimism,” told HuffPost.
She – like most mental health professionals – doesn’t see it that way, however.
“It takes courage to reflect honestly on your life, your patterns and your relationships,” Varma said. “In my experience, the people who do that work are some of the bravest people I know.”
Misconception: Therapy is only for extreme or acute emotional times.
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Another common misconception is that you should only seek therapy in times of extreme distress or a spiral.
“Many people come through my door for the first time immediately following a loss or major life disruption like a breakup,” said psychotherapist Meg Gitlin. “This is OK and is often a motivating factor for seeking help. However, there are people who come to therapy when they have ‘hit rock bottom’ emotionally and then disappear when things are good until the next fire.”
Although people can seek therapy intermittently or to address short-term issues, Gitlin finds the most successful therapy experiences are not defined solely by catastrophic events.
“My experience as a therapist tells me that while therapy can feel particularly helpful during crisis management, people are actually able to understand and process much more when things are going well for them,” she said. “I would encourage people to stick with therapy when things calm down, and they can approach their issues from a thoughtful non-alarmist stance.”
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Misconception: There will be a big epiphany moment.
“Another misconception is that therapy always has to involve dramatic breakthroughs,” Varma said. “Sometimes the work is quieter. Simply bringing problems into the open, gaining insight, increasing awareness and trusting your own intelligence to manage challenges more effectively can be deeply meaningful.”
She noted that a core goal of therapy is to build flexibility in how you think, relate to others and respond to stress. The process can help you understand different people’s perspectives, strengthen self-compassion and empathy, and learn healthier ways to cope with difficulties, express emotions and deepen relationships.
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Many people come into therapy with misconceptions about how quickly the process unfolds.
“Finding out how to improve our mental state and reduce our suffering is a process,” said therapist Nina Tomkiewicz.
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“Life is made up of small moments, so ‘small wins’ are the necessary building blocks of ‘big change.’ I always love celebrating small wins with my clients – I think this is something we just aren’t taught to do in this society. We see big, sweeping accomplishments celebrated in the media, and we think that’s how our life should go.”
But what’s more important are the small moments when you start to feel like you get it and see improvements that show what you’re doing is working.
Misconception: Medication can replace the need for therapy.
“Many clients believe that if they begin taking medication, their problems will be resolved,” said Jill Lamar, a licensed professional counsellor with Thriveworks.
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“Yes, medication in certain circumstances can be a helpful part of treatment, and often those clients feel better with it. But evidence shows that medication plus talk therapy is the combination that provides the best chance of success.”
She noted that therapists want to see their clients feel better, and medication can be a great partner in treatment.
“Talk therapy provides an opportunity to discover and change destructive attitudes and behaviours that drive the negative feelings, and can provide resolution as opposed to merely changing one’s brain chemistry,” Lamar said.
Misconception: You should feel change quickly.
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“It takes time for a person to learn how to best use the therapy space,” Tomkiewicz said. “Especially if you’ve never been to see a therapist before, you shouldn’t expect to know exactly what to do or how to be or what to share.”
She emphasised that people make lots of mistakes and take time to figure things out at the beginning of their therapy journeys.
“In the beginning, it’s OK to make mistakes and figure things out,” Tomkiewicz said. “I’ve worked with clients before who came to our initial sessions without knowing what to talk about or where to begin. But over time, they became more aware of the exact topics they wanted to bring into the therapy space to review and change.”
Over time, she added, people often become more empowered with their change process – noticing problems during the week, taking the steps they can and then bringing the rest to sessions to figure it out with their therapist.
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“We also need to give ourselves the grace to practice figuring out how to be satisfied with our therapy sessions,” Tomkiewicz said.
Varma similarly advised against rushing the therapy process or giving up too quickly.
“I encourage people to read a therapist’s bio, see whether their approach resonates and check whether they specialise in what you are actually seeking help for – whether that is couples or family work, anxiety, depression, OCD, substance use, eating disorders or another concern,” Varma said.
“It is also completely appropriate to ask therapists questions about their training and approach, and to use the first one or two sessions simply to see if the fit feels right.”
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Misconception: Everything will focus on your childhood.
“Another misconception about therapy is that most of the work will be surrounding a client’s childhood,” Gitlin said. “While it’s important to me to obtain and consider a complete oral history about a client’s upbringing, I think therapy is just as effectively focused on the present and future of the client.”
While exploring early experiences can be meaningful, many therapists stress that the work doesn’t stop there.
“This means talking about what things would look like presently if the client was able to make some changes,” Gitlin said. “I also think it’s important to cultivate hope about the future, and take specific measurable steps to get the client there.”
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Misconception: Therapy provides a simple ‘fix.’
“Sometimes therapy is viewed idealistically, as something that is going to solve all their problems,” said Caitlyn Oscarson, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “Therapy is all about noticing what’s not working, discovering the common themes and making small steps toward new patterns.”
Tori-Lyn Mills, a licensed professional counsellor with Thriveworks, advised against viewing therapy as a way to find a simple or quick “fix” for your mental health and relationship struggles.
“While some issues can be addressed through solution-focused therapy to ‘fix’ a problem, many people come to therapy for things that need to be healed,” she said. “The misconception is that the therapist or therapy is going to ‘fix’ something that actually needs to be acknowledged and/or explored for healing, or the idea that there is an external remedy when the work is really internal and requires practice.”
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Varma similarly emphasised that simply showing up to therapy is not going to “fix” or magically change your life.
“I see this often in couples therapy, where partners come in hoping the therapist will ‘fix’ the other person,” she said. “Each person is focused on what their partner needs to change, rather than on their own role and responsibility. Therapy requires agency. Growth comes from taking accountability and actively practicing new ways of thinking, communicating and responding.”
Misconception: The therapist runs the show.
“A misconception is that the therapist is the primary agent of change rather than the client,” Mills said. “Therapy offers the opportunity to develop a different relationship with yourself. Sharing expectations, thoughts and beliefs you have about therapy with your therapist can help to foster openness, allowing you to approach the process with both an open mind and open heart, and get the most out of your sessions.”
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Clients can get more out of therapy by sharing specifics about what success and progress would look like and if they recognise any actionable steps that could help reach those goals.
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Many people misunderstand the therapist’s role in the process.
“Therapy is a place where you should feel collaboratively involved in the process,” Tomkiewicz said. “If you and your therapist are diving deep into one topic, but you realize that there is actually a bigger, more important topic that is surfacing, it’s important to say something and request to shift the conversation.”
Of course, the therapist plays an active role in the process as well. But sharing feedback with them can help foster a good connection and empower the client.
“Remember: You are the expert on your life, not your therapist,” Tomkiewicz said. “They are experts in the domain of mental health, psychology, healthy communication, but they do not know what stirs your soul – you do. You should feel like you can be more of yourself in the therapy room.”
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Misconception: All the work and healing happens in sessions.
Lamar believes a big misconception about therapy is “that all the work and healing will happen in their sessions.” She explained that people tend to be creatures of habit with deeply ingrained attitudes or behaviours that contribute to uncomfortable experiences and feelings.
“A common phrase therapists employ is, ‘It gets worse before it gets better,’” Lamar said. “Breaking these habits can be very hard. Though a therapist will point them out and hold clients accountable in session, the real work happens after the client leaves.”
That’s why it’s useful to think about therapy in between sessions, paying attention to emotions and events that impact you, and how you might apply what you’re learning.
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“I often compare therapy to working out with a trainer,” Gitlin said. “The trainer can teach you exercises but in order to strengthen these muscles, you actually have to do them regularly. Especially if these exercises target muscles that aren’t often used, it will feel really difficult or even impossible at first.”
With practice, however, your muscles get stronger the exercises become easier. The same logic can apply to practicing healthier communication patterns.
“People may not have been taught certain skills growing up because better options weren’t prioritised or modelled for them,” Gitlin said. “However, they may have identified in therapy that it’s something they want to work on. That’s where the real work comes in ― identifying and implementing a plan are the best way to maximise the benefits of therapy.”
Some therapists give homework assignments as part of treatment. That might involve taking note of triggering situations, behaviours, intrusive thoughts or responses to events during the week. Or even writing personal essays. Or implementing healthier habits.
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“Better communication takes practice and commitment,” Lamar said. “Learning how to de-escalate an emotionally heightened situation and setting boundaries can be scary, but they’re often necessary in many relationships. Most of this work is done outside the therapist’s office.”
Misconception: You’ll find certainty in life after ‘healing.’
“I think a misconception we have about healing in this culture in general is the belief that once we are ‘healed,’ we will find certainty in life,” Tomkiewicz said. “I think many of us enter the self-improvement space believing that we will eliminate suffering if we just follow a step-by-step guide, and that our lives will just get more predictable and secure – and thus better – if we just do our homework.”
But the reality is that life is inherently uncertain, and leaning how to exist in that uncertainty is what improves our experience.
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“It’s learning how to make meaning out of our lives in a way that feels life-giving rather than life-destroying,” Tomkiewicz said, emphasising that this is a highly individual journey that changes over time.
“Therapy can be so helpful because it offers healing within the very human experience of interconnectedness, of having your more vulnerable parts held and reflected back to you by another person,” she added.
“It’s a really beautiful process, but one that does not result in life being more predictable, in bad things never happening, and in you having all the answers.”