It took me five years to move in with my now-husband, and during that time, I lost count of how often we were pestered over our uncommon choice to live separately. I didn’t know it then, but we were unwittingly doing something TikTok now calls “living apart together” (LAT). While it was a phase for my partner and me, married and unmarried couples everywhere have embraced the lifestyle wholeheartedly.

There are countless videos of couples touting the perks of LAT, so I set out to investigate why, and more importantly, how people are doing it. Ahead, everything you need to know about living apart together, including why people are doing it, how it’s different from dating, the benefits along with the downsides, and how to know whether or not LAT is for you.

What is “living apart together,” and why are people doing it?

Cohabitation is off the table with living apart together relationships. Rather, you share a life together without sharing a home. While this admittedly goes against everything we’ve been taught about the natural progression of serious relationships, it can actually be beneficial for couples. Certified Sex Therapist Casey Tanner explained in a TikTok video that people in LAT relationships “say that living apart honors their individuality, honors their independence, and actually leads to them fantasizing about the relationship more.” Unsurprisingly, this can help keep the spark and passion alive since you’re not bogged down with the mundane duties of shared domesticity.

How is LAT any different than dating?

If you think living apart together is just another fancy word for dating, trust me when I tell you I thought the same thing. But Digital Creator and Negotiator Joanna Dahlseid—who’s been an outspoken champion for LAT—says that they’re two different things completely. She explained in this TikTok that when you’re dating someone, there’s an expectation that the relationship will progress. Typically, this means eventually moving in together, getting married, and so forth.

In contrast, “living apart together is a relationship setup where your end goal is to not move in together, or at least for the foreseeable future,” Dahlseid said. Essentially, it’s a committed, long-term relationship built around the premise that you’ll live in separate houses. You’re still partners, albeit without living together.

How do relationships benefit from LAT?

It spices things up

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and according to Jeff Guenther, LPC, that rings true for LAT relationships. “Living apart can turn up the heat because you’re not always around each other, so everything feels a bit more special,” Guenther explained in a TikTok video. Plus, there’s a factor of unpredictability that comes with living separately. Falling into a routine is natural when you live with someone, but this setup allows for more flexibility and changes in your routine; you’re not stuck doing the same thing day in and day out with your partner.

It gives you more time for yourself

I think we can all agree that carving out time for yourself is easier said than done. This is especially true when cohabiting with your partner because you unconsciously focus on them and their needs when you should be focusing on your own. Does their laundry need to be switched over? Are they running out of body wash? Blah, blah, blah. But this is where the beauty of a LAT relationship comes in. According to Guenther, your “me time” is already counted for with this setup; you don’t have to carve out time to give yourself special attention or tend to your needs. “It’s a relief not having to consider your partner all the time,” he said.

“Living apart can turn up the heat because you’re not always around each other, so everything feels a bit more special.”

Dahlseid echoes this, saying that living separately from her partner lets her maintain her independence and focus on herself first and foremost. She explained that while she and her partner spend time together when she doesn’t have her children, she still has days to herself. “And then on my parenting time, I’m mainly mom, and I’m doing my business… and I live my life, and we [me and my partner] talk on the phone,” she said.

You’ll likely argue with your partner less

While conflict is practically unavoidable in all relationships, couples are less likely to argue if they’re living apart. This is because there are inherently fewer things to argue about; you’re not fighting over who’s taking the trash out, keeping the other up late, or leaving dirty dishes in the sink—and you sure as hell don’t have to fight over how you’re going to decorate your space. “You get your space just the way you like it, making the time you spend together more about fun and less about chores,” Guenther said.

Can LAT potentially cause relationship turmoil?

The relationship will suffer without strong communication

When discussing the downsides of LAT, Dahlseid explained that, for her, the communication aspect is the biggest one. Because this setup typically involves going long periods of time without seeing each other, staying on top of your communication—texting, talking on the phone, and FaceTiming regularly—is vital. “The communication [needed] to stay connected takes a lot of effort,” Dahlseid explained. It’s not something you can skate with; you have to make it a priority and put your all into it.

You have to schedule time together

According to Dahlseid, actually scheduling time to be together is another downside of this dynamic. Unsurprisingly, this can get stressful, especially if you have conflicting job schedules or lifestyles. You still get to see each other, albeit sporadically, even with opposing schedules and lifestyles since you’re sharing a home; you’ll likely run into one another in the morning, at bedtime, or throughout the day. But you don’t get this luxury if you’re living separately. Instead, you have to actively seek out and carve out time to be with one another. Plus, this can also create a lot of anxiety over when you’re going to see each other again, which in turn might cause unwanted tension in the relationship.

“You get your space just the way you like it, making the time you spend together more about fun and less about chores.”

It can be costly

Even without the current astronomical cost of living, LAT can be costly—especially for married couples who are sharing finances. “LAT relationships come with the financial challenge of maintaining two households. For many couples, this option is simply not feasible,” Dr. Robert Riordan tells Brides. Instead of pooling your resources together, you’re allocating them toward an extra rent or mortgage payment each month.

Too much absence isn’t always a good thing

Likewise, Dr. Riordan also explained to Brides that too much distance might inadvertently cause more pain. “When we are deeply in love, we want physical proximity to the object of our desire. Distance from the object of our affection can stir up jealousy, insecurity, and loneliness,” Dr. Riordan said. When this happens, you or your partner might find yourselves seeking connection elsewhere with someone closer to you; you might unwittingly drive yourselves apart by placing distance between the two of you.

So, can living apart together make your relationship better?

If you’ve cohabited with partners in the past without success, LAT might be right for you. However, if you’re on the fence, there are some things to take into consideration. First, think about what your ideal relationship looks like and what sharing a life means to you. Does this mean sharing a home or supporting each other from the comfort of your own spaces? Take your time thinking about this since we’ve been preconditioned to think that committed relationships involve living together.

Additionally, consider your respective lifestyles. If you both work similar hours and share similar routines but still want to feel like you have autonomy in your life, LAT might be beneficial. Conversely, couples with conflicting schedules and lifestyles will likely suffer from this setup since they’re already spending more time apart. In that case, they’d benefit more from living together.

Relationship Expert and author of I Do (I Think): Conversations About Modern Marriage, Allison Raskin, explained on The Everygirl Podcast that more and more couples are reimagining their own relationship dynamics and putting a modern-day twist on theirs. “Different people like different things,” she said. “There might be marriages where people live in different cities or sleep in different beds.” And guess what? That’s OK. When it comes down to it, only you and your partner know what’s right for your relationship. Whether that means living apart together or sharing a home is nobody’s business but yours.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Arianna Reardon, Contributing Writer

Arianna is a Rhode Island native, professional blogger, and freelance writer. She’s passionate about helping women develop healthy relationships with money, become financially independent, and invest in themselves for the future. Arianna is a firm believer in going after what you want, taking time to stop and smell the roses, and the importance of a good cocktail.

As much as I love the Law of Attraction, my crystals, and positive thinking, I haven’t quite willed clear skin into existence yet. I’ll stand in the mirror telling my skin it’s beautiful and clear and strong all night, and I’ll still wake up with those same zits on my face. While there are tons of products on the market that promise rejuvenated skin—we’re looking at you, retinol—those results can take weeks to months to even notice, so what are you to do if you want better skin, like tomorrow? When I’ve got a date, a special occasion, or an important meeting and want to look my best, there are a few secrets I’ve followed to get my skin in tip-top shape (er, the best shape it could be) in just eight short hours. Follow these skincare tips to get better skin overnight: 

1. Wash your face

It really is that simple. If you’re not washing your face before you’re going to sleep, that might be the culprit of your skin issues. Make sure that you’re washing your face every night before bed, even if you didn’t wear makeup that day. If you really want to wake up with bright, clear, smooth skin, you can try double cleansing, which is when you use an oil or balm cleanser first to remove makeup and follow that with a gel or milky cleanser (depending on your skin type—gel is great for oily and combination skin, while milky cleansers are a better choice for normal and dry skin). 

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2. Steam your face

To start your at-home spa night right, steam your face for up to 15 minutes, whether it’s with a facial steamer or by boiling some water and standing over the pot (less glamorous but highly cost-effective). The hot steam will soften your skin, making all of the products and treatments you do afterward penetrate deeper into the skin. 

3. Avoid picking

Although it might seem counterintuitive, if you want to wake up to better skin, don’t pick at it. Fight the urge to pop any pimples (a spot treatment is a great physical blocker for this). Popping your zits only causes more inflammation and redness to the skin’s surface, so you could wake up with more acne or that pimple looking even worse than before. Instead, leave it be and know these other tips will help that zit much more than putting your fingers all over it. 

4. Exfoliate

An exfoliator is basically like getting a facial from the comfort of your bathroom. It removes dead skin and reveals a brighter, smoother complexion in just one step. An easy way to exfoliate at home is to opt for a peel pad, like the editor-favorite Colleen Rothschild Glycolic Acid Peel Pads, but opting for physical exfoliation can help remove dead skin cells, too. Celebrity esthetician Joanna Vargas swears by using both modes of exfoliation in her book Glow From Within. 

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5. Treat with ice

Contrary to your face steam, ice has benefits for your skin, too. Ice can instantly reduce swelling and inflammation (AKA why you used an ice pack when you scraped your knee as a kid), so it can bring down puffiness and redness. This can help reduce the appearance of active acne and overall make your face look more glowy and well-rested. Plus, we can’t deny it feels so good. 

The easiest way to do this is with an ice roller or cryo sticks, but you can also wrap a few ice cubes in paper towels to rub over your face in a pinch. 

6. Drink a glass of water

Before bed, make sure you’re getting a last-ditch effort of hydration to your skin by drinking a full glass of water. On the days I drink more water, I immediately notice it in my skin the next day. My skin looks bouncier and firmer, and my usual morning puffiness is drastically reduced. In the days leading up to a special event, I put a lot of focus on drinking as much water as I can to nourish and hydrate my skin from the inside out, but it works just as well overnight. 

7. Use a thick moisturizer

Regardless of your skin type, using a thick moisturizer as your last step will lock in all of the good skincare ingredients you used before with a final layer of hydration. Moisturizer keeps your skin bouncy. Plus, hydrated skin just looks better—there’s no getting around it. 

Obviously, “thick” is subjective based on your skin type. If you tend to have oily skin, you’ll likely want to opt for something lighter with a gel-like consistency, while a dry skin type can handle something occlusive and ointment-like.

Colleen Rothschild

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8. Use a spot treatment

If you have areas on your face you want to pay special attention to, use a spot treatment to help zap it overnight. Salicylic acid spot treatments will clear out your pores in a gentle way, while sulfur and benzoyl peroxide are a bit stronger and can reduce the appearance of acne in a few short hours. If you have a pimple that has come to a head, putting a pimple patch on will help to dry it out overnight.

We often think of spot treatments for acne, but you can spot-treat most skin issues. If you have dry patches, you can focus extra moisturizer on those areas, like the skin on the eyelids or the back of your cheeks. I also love spot-treating any creases or fine lines by focusing extra moisturizer in those areas. 

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9. Get a full night’s rest

If you don’t want to wake up with tired, irritated, puffy skin, there really is one thing you can do to fix it: actually get some Zs. Waking up rested and rejuvenated is enough to make you feel fantastic, so it’s not a surprise your skin would follow suit. Use your calming essential oils, brew your favorite tea, and head to bed just a bit earlier tonight. Your morning self will thank you. 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Maddie Galassi, Senior Fashion & Beauty Editor

Madeline Galassi is the Fashion & Beauty Editor at The Everygirl, where she oversees the fashion and beauty categories of the site. She brainstorms, writes, and edits stories across a broad range of topics including trend reports, product reviews, celebrity style, and more. She’s always keeping a pulse on the latest trends to create timely, exciting content for our readers.

 This post contains a sponsored inclusion from Colleen Rothschild but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board.

I’ve always thrived on routine and found comfort in having every minute of my day planned. For a long time, I believed my strict routine was the secret to staying motivated and productive; I even credited it for allowing me to make time for self-care and wellness practices. But as I added step after step to my routine with each new wellness trend that flooded my social media feeds, eventually the weight of it began depleting me instead of supporting me like it once did. I pushed myself to exhaustion—forcing myself to work out when I needed rest and beating myself up when I skipped small rituals like dry brushing or journaling because I was too burned out. That’s when I realized my routine wasn’t serving me anymore. At what point does self-improvement turn into self-sabotage? Keep reading to find out. Plus, how I stepped back from my rigid schedule and what I learned in the process.

“At what point does self-improvement turn into self-sabotage?”

How I realized that my routine was doing more harm than good

Wellness often starts with the intention of striving to be your best self. I always thought there was no such thing as caring for myself too much. I didn’t see the little voice in my head pleading with me to slow down as a sign my body needed rest; I thought it was the devil on my shoulder, testing my discipline and dedication. So, I continued to obsessively complete everything on my wellness to-do list every night, even if it was the last thing I wanted to do.

While these habits were meant to add value to my life, even something as simple as ignoring my watch’s reminder to stand every hour felt like a personal failure. The ever-evolving benchmarks of “healthy” seemed to be slipping farther away. And when I didn’t hit every one of them, I felt like I was neglecting both my body and mind. My solution was to double down on my routine. I would get anxious about making plans that kept me “behind schedule,” worrying about missing the wellness rituals I should be doing. Would I remember to use my mouth tape after having a few glasses of wine while dining out? Will I have the energy to do my lymphatic drainage massage after getting home late from my friend’s house? Rather than being a fun break from monotony, spontaneity became a source of stress lurking around every corner. Ironically, I actually thought this mindset was healthy—that my rigid adherence to these practices meant I was truly dedicated to putting myself first.

The conversation that led me to take a step back was surprisingly simple. I was venting to my mom about how exhausted I felt and how my to-do list before bed still included working out, making a protein-packed dinner, and walking to hit 10,000 steps. In true mom fashion, she responded with a nugget of wisdom: “What if you just didn’t do all that?” It sounded so easy, but I hadn’t even considered what would happen if I let myself skip my routine for one night or cut out some of my rituals. When I finally did, I realized it wasn’t a big deal. Nothing catastrophic happened when I didn’t dry brush, and not closing the rings on my Apple Watch wasn’t a life-or-death situation. This small shift was the wake-up call my wellness routine needed.

How I ditched my wellness routine

Adjusting my once strenuous wellness routine for the better wasn’t as complicated as it might seem. Once I realized I needed to step back, I took a few days for a full reset. I didn’t work out, cook anything from scratch, or meditate—I just focused on whatever felt good in the moment. After a few days of pure rest, I listened to what my body genuinely missed and only reintroduced those practices. I craved movement, so I signed up for a workout class. After a weekend of pasta and frozen pizza, I felt like I needed some veggies and protein to feel energized again. I now try to approach each day by tuning into my body and responding to its needs. I don’t look ahead to the week or let my subconscious convince me I must do any wellness practice. Instead, I build my routine day by day.

That said, I can’t say I’ve ditched routine altogether. Just because I had a wellness epiphany doesn’t mean I’ve abandoned time as a concept; I still need to be at work at a certain time, and if I want enough sleep, I have to schedule my day to some extent. However, I try to view my time within those mandatory commitments as flexible rather than having to stick to a specific plan (deadlines aside, of course). We’re always told the importance of having a consistent routine and how structure leads to productivity. But I encourage you to step back periodically and ask yourself, Is your routine serving you or working against you?

“I encourage you to step back periodically and ask yourself, Is your routine serving you or working against you?“

What happened when I became flexible with my routine

I’m more in tune with my body than when on a set schedule

When I was deep into my routine obsession, I followed my schedule more than I ever listened to my body. When my body’s needs didn’t align with the regimen, like wanting to sleep when I had a workout class scheduled, it felt like it was somehow betraying my mind. Now, my body is in the driver’s seat. I’ve learned to tune into what it needs rather than following a list of tasks I “have to” or “should” do.

I experienced less wellness-induced guilt

Guilt used to be one of the biggest motivators in my wellness routine. Every time I skipped a part of it, I felt like I was failing my body and putting my health in danger, but by pushing myself too far, I was actually doing just that. I had lost sight of why I prioritized wellness in the first place: to feel good. Now that my mindset has shifted, I no longer feel guilty for allowing myself to rest.

I realized not every day needs to look the same

I used to believe the only way to honor my body was by completing every wellness ritual daily. Otherwise, it showed a lack of commitment to my health. I’ve accepted that what works one day might not work the next, and what I need today will likely look different than what I need tomorrow and other days, and that’s not only OK but normal. I take things one day at a time, allowing more flexibility in my daily life.

I finally accepted that rest is self-care too

I’ve heard people say that rest is self-care a countless number of times, but I don’t think I truly believed it until now. In my defense, I’m a product of a generation raised on the importance of productivity. I was conditioned to measure a day’s worth by its output. However, my current mindset allows me to see that when I need to rest and spend an evening on the couch watching TV (call it bed rotting), it’s just as worthwhile and essential as a jam-packed day checking off tasks, if not more.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Lauren Blue, Lifestyle Staff Writer

As a Lifestyle Staff Writer for The Everygirl, Lauren’s articles span the topics of home decor, delicious recipes, hobbies, travel itineraries—and everything in between. When she isn’t testing the latest TikTok trend, she can be found scouring Instagram for beautiful homes to feature on the site.

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Despite working many retail jobs in the past, I think my favorite one has to be World Market. I worked there part-time while in college, attending my Zoom classes during the day and heading to the store in the afternoon and on the weekends to clock in for my shifts. I was only there for a little bit shy of a year, but I still find myself romanticizing that time of my life to this day. Call me biased, but I mean, who wouldn’t want to work there? I was surrounded by a constantly rotating collection of fun products, worked with an all-women team, and the company’s playlist was literally perfect (Taylor Swift’s cardigan and Lana del Rey’s Love? It was like I plugged in my own phone to the store’s aux).

I saw every season change at World Market and was able to get very familiar with their top-selling items and popular furniture picks. I also picked up a lot of items with that sweet discount of mine, and they’re all still going strong four years later. Between my dining chairs, desk chair, throw pillows, utensils, rugs, and seasonal decor, I would say that half of my place is furnished by World Market to this day.

While it has been a while since I’ve worked there, every time I visit, I’m transported right back to the times I’d wander the aisles and happily organize products and help customers load furniture into their cars. If you’re not familiar with World Market, let this be your sign to start getting acquainted. As a former employee, I’ve got all my recommendations for their tried and true best-sellers below.

The World Market Products I’ll Always Recommend

Kitchen Essentials

World Market

Icon glasses are all the rage right now, and World Market’s version of them are luckily always in stock. Our editors love to collect them throughout the different seasons for a fun way to spice up their afternoon iced coffees. Read our review of them here!

Bathroom Decor

World Market

I would always recommend this Bamboo Bath Mat to customers looking to add something different to their bathroom. It’s a chic way to catch water after a shower, easier to maintain than a bath rug, and brings a natural touch to your bathroom.

Furniture

World Market

If there’s one item that stands out against all World Market products, it’s the Papasan Chair. The base and cushions are sold separately, so you can easily replace one or the other when needed. It’s an incredibly comfortable chair and adds the perfect spot to curl up and read a book to any room.

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Shop the cushions here

Home Accents and Decor

World Market

Whenever we’d get seasonal shipments in, the faux flower selections would be one of the first to sell out. World Market’s faux flowers are high quality (I’ve had mine for years!) and add the perfect little accessory to any room with no effort at all.

Accessories

World Market

World Market’s clothing selection is small, but boy does it have some eye-catching pieces. I particularly loved the different robes offered in fun floral patterns. They make for a great gift or a little treat-yourself moment.

Seasonal Items

World Market

World Market’s Icon Glasses also come in fun seasonal patterns. From ghosts to pumpkins to skulls, your Halloween parties just got 10 times better.

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MEET THE AUHTOR

Bella Gil, Associate Commerce Editor

Because shopping is quite literally her full-time job, Bella is dedicated to making sure you spend your hard-earned money on products you’ll fall in love with. She spends her days testing, researching, and writing about a wide range of topics, from beauty products to rug cleaners and everything in between.