Cynthia Erivo’s Hidden Past And Blackout Fury Revealed

Cynthia Erivo is known for her powerhouse voice, commanding presence, and award-winning performances, but behind the spotlight lies a history marked by rupture, revelation, and raw emotion.

In her new memoir, the celebrated performer opens up about the family fractures that shaped her, the difficult journey toward embracing her identity, and the shocking moment of “blackout rage” that altered a key professional relationship forever.

She writes per Page Six, “I was 16 when he left me, alone, in a London underground station after an argument about a transit pass.”

It was the moment that severed their relationship entirely. They have not spoken since.

For years, she admits she tried to prove her worth to him, attempting to reconcile the hurt he caused with the lingering desire to feel valued. However, with time, distance, and reflection, she reached a hard-won peace with his absence. As she puts it, “I have come to understand he was never meant to be a dad.”

The wound may have shaped her, but her willingness to confront it openly signals how far she has come. Rather than hiding the pain, she folds it into her story with the same honesty that powers her performances.

While she remains close with her mother and sister, Erivo reveals that acceptance didn’t come easily when she began to embrace her queerness.

Calling it “a territory we’re still navigating,” she describes how, as a teenager, an unreturned crush on another girl sent her retreating back into the closet.

It would take years before she felt safe enough to open up, first confiding in trusted friends in drama school. She remembers urging them to help her make sense of “a bit about what I was feeling.”

Even later, as she continued discovering her truth, she found herself cautious around her family.

Erivo writes candidly, “My queerness goes against the grain of what many people think is right and proper.”

She adds, “I think my mother is worried about what others think … I see her working to reconcile the idea of what she had in her head for me, her plans for me, and then working to let go of those plans. I’m aware that this must be hard.”

Her sister’s journey toward acceptance has been slower, but lately Erivo has noticed a shift. She said, “But we’ve recently come over a bit of a hump, finding our way toward each other.”

Publicly, Erivo came out as bisexual in a 2022 British Vogue interview, a moment she says took far longer than many may realize.

At the time, she affirmed the pressure many queer individuals still face, saying, “[LGBTQ+ people] still feel the need to be constantly justifying why we deserve to be treated as equal beings, when really the only difference is that we love differently and we express ourselves differently.”

Before reaching the point where she could openly own her identity, Erivo had to peel back layers of fear, conditioning, and past wounds.

During her twenties, she continued dating men exclusively, despite feeling the stirrings of something deeper. She reveals in her memoir, “I don’t think I dated a woman until my late twenties.” However, as time passed, she began stepping into herself more boldly.

That evolution wasn’t instant, nor was it without inner conflict, yet it marked one of the most important transitions in her life. She recalls that she began to “see who I was and began to accept myself. To own myself fully.”

Now, she is in a committed relationship with actress and producer Lena Waithe.

While their connection reflects joy and stability, Erivo makes clear that arriving here required courage, particularly when it came to navigating family expectations and societal pressure.