Dear Coleen,
A close friend got married recently to a woman he met through someone at work, so we didn’t know her before they got together. He’d been seeing her for just over a year when they got married, so everything happened very quickly.
This raised a few eyebrows among our group, but we were happy for him, as he’d been on his own a while. A few months ago, he invited us over for drinks to meet her and we were all taken aback. She’s very different to us and unlike any of his previous girlfriends. She’s quite loud and “in your face” and a bit rude.
She said a few things that maybe she thought were funny, but they didn’t land well, including, “I’ve finally met my sugar daddy”. My friend is doing well in life and he’s a bit older than her, although there’s only a six-year age gap. We’ve met her a few times since and our impression of her hasn’t changed.
He seems genuinely happy, although we never see him on his own any more – she’s always with him. Recently, I met one of his colleagues who knows her quite well and it was clear from the expression on her face that she didn’t like her either, although all she said was, “She’s an interesting character”.
I am a bit worried about him and she’s changed our close-knit friendship group, but what can I do?
Coleen says,
Nothing I’m afraid. Look, we don’t always like the partners our friends choose, but maybe your annoyance is more to do with the fact that she’s changed the dynamic of your group and he’s less available, but that can happen.
He’s married now and he’s happy so, unless he tells you otherwise, you have to accept it. You don’t know what makes their relationship work, but it obviously does. Maybe it’s a case of “opposites attract” and he likes that she’s confident and outgoing, and not afraid to be herself.
The sugar daddy thing probably was a joke or maybe she was being a bit provocative because she knows that none of you approve. It’s not nice to pick up on a vibe that your husband’s friends don’t approve of you.
My advice would be to give her a chance and try to get to know her better – you might even like her. However, if it does turn out that she’s the wrong person, then be a shoulder to cry on and don’t say, “I told you so”.
In the meantime, your friend won’t like you judging or excluding his new wife, so try to be supportive of the marriage and give it time. If you don’t, you might lose your friend.
Coleen’s words of wisdom
Remind yourself it’s never too late to make changes, whether it’s in your daily habits, your attitude, your job or the people you surround yourself with. You don’t have to stay stuck where you are.



































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