Entertainment
Controversial Director’s R-Rated, Very Graphic Thriller Goes All In On Star Power And Spectacle
By Robert Scucci
| Published
While I’m admittedly far from an expert when it comes to sword and sorcery films and video game lore, I’m an avid fan of B-movie schlock and just about anything Uwe Boll has his name attached to. This lack of knowledge about 18th century Romania and vampiric etymology works to my advantage when reviewing 2005’s BloodRayne because I’m not convinced Boll knows much about these things either. There’s a revenge arc, a smoking hot lead who knows how to seduce with her fangs and slice with a sword, Michael Madsen and Billy Zane showing up in some of their most bizarre roles to date, and production values in BloodRayne that cannot be denied. It’s absolutely worth your time if you want to see what a spectacular failure looks like.
Billy Zane has gone on record saying it was a “pleasure to work with such a decisive director,” and Michael Madsen, who referred to the final product as a “horrifying and preposterous movie,” didn’t mince words when he said he’d gladly work with Boll again if the opportunity ever presented itself. For my money, BloodRayne is leaps and bounds better than some of Boll’s previous video game adaptations, like the Christian Slater-starring Alone in the Dark that came out the same year.
That said, I can see why BloodRayne currently boasts a punishing 4 percent critical score on Rotten Tomatoes because everything you’ll read about it is true. It’s tragically hamfisted, fumbling its worldbuilding through dialogue-heavy exposition dumps and delivering some of the most baffling fight choreography you’ll ever lay eyes on. Uwe Boll is also one of the most passionate filmmakers to ever walk this Earth, and you can tell how sincerely he wanted to tell this story, which makes the whole disaster drip with unexpected charm. It’s a total mess, but you can tell a lot of heart went into its production.
Our Ballsy Heroine Is A Dhampir
BloodRayne, set in 18th century Romania, tells the tale of Rayne (Kristanna Loken), a vampire and human half-breed known as a dhampir. While she exhibits typical vampiric behavior when pushed to her limit, her genetics allow her to touch crucifixes, though holy water still poses a problem. She was conceived when her father Kagan (Ben Kingsley), the king of vampires, forced himself on her mother before eventually killing her. Naturally, Rayne is primed for revenge for being born under the circumstances, but we first meet her in captivity, working as a circus freak who sustains brutal injuries that are then healed when she’s fed goat blood.
Learning about Rayne’s existence and wanting to use her abilities against Kagan in his own crusade is Vladimir (Michael Madsen), a senior member of the Brimstone Society, a secret organization dedicated to one thing: killing vampires. Along for the ride are Katarin (Michelle Rodriguez), who distrusts Rayne because of her vampiric lineage, and Sebastian (Matthew Davis), who will eventually fall in love with Rayne with tragic results.
Rayne eventually learns of three sacred talismans and sets out to procure them before her father does. Possession of an eyeball, a rib, and a cross would allow whoever gathers them to become immune to holy water, crosses, and sunlight, respectively. Complicating matters are Katarin’s ties to her noble father, Elrich (Billy Zane), who secretly seeks power for himself while presenting himself as an ally to Kagan. We learn about all these moving parts through dialogue dumps, and a Fortune Teller (Geraldine Chaplin). From there, it’s up to us to decide whether any of this makes sense.
A Beautifully Shot Cinematic Disaster
While watching BloodRayne, I had two competing thoughts. First, the actual production quality is surprisingly strong for a 2005 release thanks to its $25 million budget. The sound design specifically is immersive, and some of the more intense sequences nearly blew my head off. Every sword clang and explosion feels deliberate, and you can tell a lot of care went into this aspect of the production.
My second thought was that all of this potential was wasted on some of the worst dialogue I’ve ever heard and fight choreography that makes absolutely no sense. In my mind, the cameraman was just spinning around during the fight scenes to make them look more elaborate than the actors were capable of pulling off. Some of the set pieces are equally preposterous, breaking the immersion entirely.
There’s even a scene with Rayne, Vladimir, and Sebastian walking down a cobblestone street where a bakery sign looks like it came straight from a Panera Bread. I guess they couldn’t get the “Ye Olde Bagel Shop” placard ready on time, which honestly would have been more authentic than what we see in the final cut. And don’t even get me started on Meat Loaf’s Leonid rolling around with a more nude side-women than any mortal man could realistically handle in a thousand lifetimes.
That said, BloodRayne is an absolute pleasure to watch if you’re into the kind of cinematic experimentation that Uwe Boll is known for. You can tell how much care went into this movie, but it’s all focused on the wrong things. I actually think it would play better with half the budget because the campiness would feel earned. The production values and execution are constantly at odds with each other here, making for a strangely fascinating watch.
If you’re interested in seeing a movie with genuinely great gore and creature effects but lacking in almost every other department, you can stream BloodRayne for free on Pluto TV as of this writing.
