Dogma’s Buddy Christ Prediction Has Come True In The Worst Way Possible, Sign Up For Jesus+ Now!

By Chris Snellgrove
| Published 1 hour ago

Back in 1999, Kevin Smith ended the millennium with Dogma, arguably the most ambitious film he ever made. His previous movies focused on more down-to-earth affairs, including the miseries of retail work and the joys of hanging out at the local mall. By comparison, Dogma followed the misadventures of two angels trying to get back into Heaven and the heroes who have to stop them from destroying the world. Along the way, Smith also brutally skewered the Christian faith through the character of Cardinal Glick, who tried to sell the public on Buddy Christ, a grinning caricature of Jesus who is perpetually giving a thumbs up.

As part of Glick’s speech, he described why he wanted the Buddy Christ to replace the crucifix: that it offered everyone who saw it “a positive reinforcement that whatever we do, God thinks is ‘A-okay.’” At the time, teenage me shook my head at Smith’s satire about a society that wanted the Almighty to rubber-stamp everything they say and do. Now, though, it seems Smith was a prophet: tech company Just Like Me is selling access to an AI-powered Jesus for the not-so-low, low price of $1.99 a minute.

He Is Ri$en

The concept of people talking to AI chatbots isn’t very new: in fact, people are chatting with, arguing with, and even falling in love with a plethora of bots each and every day. But what Just Like Me is doing is targeting Christians who long for a more personal relationship with Jesus Christ. For $1.99 a minute (or $49.99 a month for 45 minutes), users can speak to an AI bot that has been trained on the King James Bible and an array of unspecified sermons. Visually, the bot is modeled after actor Jonathan Roumie, who (thanks to long hair and a patina of heavenly light) really does look like Jesus.

Personally, I have a number of misgivings with this app. As someone who grew up going to church, this seems like a pretty clear violation of the Second Commandment, which tells humans not to create idols of God or Jesus. On a less religious note, this seems like a really gross way of taking people’s money. Like, who needs evangelistic grifters once you have Jesus himself asking you to upgrade to a premium subscription? Also, let’s be real: in the best case, this thing is going to lie to vulnerable people looking for someone to trust. In the worst case, this is going to create case after case of outright religious psychosis.

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As a big Kevin Smith fan, though, I have been grimly amused at how much this AI-powered Jesus mirrors the portrayal of the Buddy Christ in Dogma. In the film, Cardinal Glick describes how he wanted Jesus to give everyone a  thumbs-up to offer “positive reinforcement” for “whatever we do.” This is, of course, what AI is notorious for: simply telling users what they want to hear. 

Glick also described Buddy Christ as a “happy Jesus” that he wanted to replace the “wholly depressing” image of the crucifix. Rhetorically, he asked the crowd, “Can’t you just see it on chains around people’s necks, and as the new background in avant-garde MTV videos?” The Jesus chatbot from Just Like Me really parallels this idea because the app developers aren’t trying to develop a Jesus avatar that will challenge beliefs and make someone’s faith stronger. Like the fictional Cardinal Glick, they just want to commodify Christ, turning this spiritual leader into an empty vessel filled with equally empty AI platitudes. 

Your Karma Ran Over My Dogma

Make no mistake: apps like this are designed to prey on people, and those of faith are uniquely vulnerable because, by definition, they are looking for someone else to guide their lives. The Jesus app from Just Like Me is one of many that will soon be offering spiritual advice to your friends and family members, especially older ones. Before they completely empty their wallets for this graven image, be sure to watch Dogma with them. That way, they’ll learn the danger of Buddy Christ and, through Glick’s grisly fate, the danger of supporting it.

Alternatively, they might just learn how hot Salma Hayek looks as a stripper. Either way, I’m calling that a win!