Netflix’s Raunchy, Unrated Comedy Is For Members Only

By Robert Scucci
| Updated 40 seconds ago

There’s a time and a place for one-note humor, and more often than not it’s used wrong. South Park’s most recent seasons proved you can only stretch “the President has a small wee-wee” jokes so far before they fall apart. There are only so many punchlines that can land before the humor goes stale.

Speaking of wee-wees, I expected that same kind of thin delivery when I fired up the 2018 Netflix Original, The Package, which does the unthinkable by taking a one-note joke about somebody getting their wiener chopped off and trying to get it reattached, stretching it across 94 minutes, and somehow keeping things fresh the entire time.

I went in fully prepared to hate-watch it. I wanted to channel my inner old man and say, “They don’t make raunchy teen comedies like they used to,” right before complaining about how restaurant menus are all QR codes now. The Package is a perfect example of a one-note joke done right because it constantly escalates, pushing itself from one extreme situation to the next.

Knowing full well, as a 37-year-old father, that my days of regularly enjoying movies like The Package are well behind me, I’m glad the next generation of young adults still gets raunchy comedies like this one. Had it come out around the same time as Road Trip (2000) or Without a Paddle (2004), everybody my age would treat The Package with the same level of reverence, because it’s just that funny.

The Worst Kind Of Whoopsie

Here’s the plot to The Package. Sean (Daniel Doheny) is planning a bros only weekend in the woods with his best friends, Jeremy (Eduardo Franco) and Donnie (Luke Spencer Roberts). At the last minute, Jeremy announces that his twin sister Becky (Geraldine Viswanathan), who has a crush on Sean, and Sarah (Sadie Calvano), who Donnie used to date, will be tagging along for the camping trip.

The kids head deep into the woods and start drinking and doing spring break stuff, which is par for the course in your typical teen comedy, and then everything goes to hell. Jeremy, who’s been practicing party tricks with his razor-sharp switchblade, accidentally lops off his penis while peeing over a cliff because he’s having just a little too much drunken fun slicing through his own stream. That’s the joke.

Rightfully panicked, a now penisless Jeremy goes into shock and is airlifted to the hospital, his member packed in a cooler after Sarah and Donnie find it in the bushes. For a brief moment, all is right in the world. Until the hospital staff learns that the cooler handed to the first responders was actually the one full of food and drinks, meaning Jeremy’s unit is still with Sean, Donnie, Becky, and Sarah, who are miles from their car and without cell phones because Sean accidentally dropped them off the cliff while searching for service.

The Package Goes Hard

The reason this one-note setup works so well in The Package is because of how fully it commits to the bit. And in this context, “bit” means “Argyle from Stranger Things’ severed dong.” I can’t remember the last time I crossed my legs and winced while watching a comedy, but they truly go all out here.

Bit by a rattlesnake? Someone has to suck out the venom. Covered in dirt and wilderness debris after a chaotic trek? Don’t worry, the gas station clerk will rinse it off in the soda fountain and buff it clean because, strangely enough, he was a military combat medic previously, and this isn’t his first rodeo. Finally make it to the hospital with the package, only to find out it was sewn onto Redneck Reginald (Blake Anderson), whose girlfriend Sheryl (Sugar Lyn Beard) landed him in the hospital at the same time by cutting off his pee pee and “flushing it like a poo poo”? Don’t worry, the gang will figure it out.

The Package will make you want to gag. It will make you cringe and wince. You’ll throw your hands up and yell, “Oh, come on!” to nobody in particular. But nearly every joke lands. It’s juvenile and vulgar in all the right ways, and I give The Package serious credit for taking a one-note joke and committing to it so hard that it keeps paying off.

The Package is a Netflix Original, and you can stream it if you’re a member.