Sexy Comedy Featuring America’s Girl Next Door Explains Why Your Relationships Always Fail

By Chris Snellgrove
| Published 11 seconds ago

You know how memes can sometimes be accidentally profound? For example, one of my favorites is when people share this hilarious quote from Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace: “I know writers who use subtext, they’re all cowards.” In the context of the show, this quote is meant to highlight what a bad storyteller Marenghi himself is. Over two decades after that show aired its last episode, this quote highlights how the very opposite is true. Writers who use subtext are actually quite brave because they are unleashing intelligent content on audiences who are largely too dumb to actually understand any of it.

This is particularly true of screenwriting because so many movie lovers never look beyond the surface. That’s why, say, people think RoboCop and Starship Troopers are just cool, violent action movies instead of a poignant commentary on society. The best example of this phenomenon, however, is actually a sweet, sexy romantic comedy: (500) Days of Summer. It’s easy to get lost in the banter and the bluster of the relationship between characters played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel. However, beneath the silly comedy is a very serious truth, one that explains why your relationships keep falling apart, no matter how hard you try.

An Adorkable Office Romance

The premise of (500) Days of Summer (and beware some spoilers if you’ve never seen it!) is that an aspiring architect (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) falls head over heels in love with his boss’s new assistant (Zooey Deschanel). After she spontaneously kisses him, he agrees to a casual relationship, and the two end up having plenty of fun together. Unfortunately, he wants something serious, and she wants more of a casual, friends-with-benefits kind of relationship. Eventually, they have a nasty breakup, but things work out for the best: he rebounds by throwing himself into his dream career, while his carefree ex eventually finds a man that she wants to marry. 

For the most part, (500) Days of Summer plays out like a standard rom-com with a few heavy doses of drama thrown in. In other words, not the kind of movie that men usually get their panties in a twist over. Nonetheless, this fluffy film has proven controversial because it is built around an unreliable narrator. Most of the film is from the perspective of Tom, the hopeless romantic played by Gordon-Levitt. After Summer (the carefree cutie played by Deschanel) breaks up with Tom because she doesn’t want anything serious, many viewers felt a sense of betrayal, as if she had thrown away a good man and settled down with her first rebound.

This Is Why Your Relationships Fail

Of course, the irony of dudes getting big mad at this film is that (500) Days of Summer is trying to gently explain why so many relationships fail. There’s a common belief that most couples break up because one partner stops putting in much effort, effectively killing the spark they once shared. But that isn’t the case in this movie because Tom tries so hard to make things work with Summer; in point of fact, he tries too hard, which ultimately pushes her away. Men who take Tom’s side in all this are often perplexed and even angry. After all, how can Tom do everything right and still lose the girl?

The short answer, of course, is that he didn’t do everything right. The timey-wimey structure of (500) Days of Summer shows us different points in the couple’s relationships, effectively exploring the emotional highs and lows of their time together. Viewers, much like Tom himself, subconsciously focus only on the happy moments, not realizing how important their fights and differing viewpoints are. These aren’t small issues; rather, they are cracks in a foundation that wasn’t very strong to begin with. A foundation that began with a critical misunderstanding: Tom wants a serious girlfriend, and Summer just wants casual fun without putting any kind of definitive label on what they’re doing.

Are You Thinking The Same Thing?

The people who get angriest at Summer are the men who feel like she’s giving off mixed messages with her behavior. We see her holding hands with Tom, enjoying romantic dinners, and even watching weird porn together, which some think are signifiers of a serious relationship. But to believe that, the haters have to do exactly what Tom did: ignore the words coming out of Summer’s mouth. She repeatedly tries telling the man that she doesn’t want a committed, long-term relationship, but he only really sees and hears what he wants to. Therefore, his attempts to be the ultimate marriage material boyfriend backfire because that’s the last thing she’s looking for.

So, fellas, what’s the lesson here, and how can it help you navigate your own relationships? The first and arguably most important thing is making sure that all parties are on the same page. If you’re interested in a girl, you need to ask her exactly what she’s looking for. Is she trying to find Mr. Right or just Mr. Right Now? There’s nothing wrong if you both want a friends-with-benefits situationship or even if you want to explore more adventurous dynamics like ethical nonmonogamy or polyamory. The only thing wrong at this stage is doing exactly what Tom did: simply assuming your partner wants the exact same thing you do.

Much To Ponder

Beyond that, there’s a lesson especially pertinent to younger viewers: your love life doesn’t have to move at warp speed. It doesn’t matter if all your friends are getting engaged or whatever; if you’re not ready to be, then don’t worry about it. Once you find someone, you shouldn’t be like Tom and instantly assume you’re in love. Instead, you should take the time to make sure you are both compatible. Finally, you need to be honest in assessing the good and the bad of your relationship. If you put on optimistic blinders as Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character did, it’s only a matter of time before you get blindsided.

(500) Days of Summer is a great movie, specifically because of its brilliant subtext. To really appreciate the film, you must do as Tom did and see things from Summer’s perspective. Doing this in your own relationship is a great way to stay connected to your partner and prevent minor issues from becoming major catastrophes. Doing so also helps you understand whether you’re in love with the real person or just your idea of them. Need a little more love advice? Believe it or not, it’s free! (500) Days of Summer is currently streaming on Tubi.