The Raunchiest Comedy Of All Time Was Brought To You By A Beloved Christmas Icon

By Brian Myers
| Published 30 seconds ago

Director and screenwriter Bob Clark did such a masterful job with the 1983 movie A Christmas Story that it’s hard to imagine the man creating anything that wasn’t wholesome. But two years before little Ralphie gets his Red Ryder gun, Clark wrote and directed a comedy so lewd and outrageous that modern audiences are still shocked by it. 1981’s Porky’s was one of the raunchiest comedy movies ever released by a major studio and served as an important milestone in shock comedy.

A Filthy, Iconic Revenge Arc

The story arc of Clark’s semi-autobiographical movie follows a group of high school basketball players who live in Angel Beach, FL in the 1950s. Their hormones raging, they conceive a plan to lose their virginities to an older sex worker, not realizing that they are being set up for a humiliating (and pretty darn funny) prank set up by one of their older brothers.

Determined to follow through with the plan of getting their first times out of the way, the boys believe that their dreams can be fulfilled at a strip club located deep in the Everglades. The seedy establishment is the film’s namesake, owned and operated by an older, hefty character named Porky Wallace. The team makes their way to the strip club, makes an arrangement with Porky for a handful of ladies, and are guided to a darkened room to await their fates.

Unfortunately, it’s a trap. A literal one. Porky pulls a lever from the outside the room the boys are waiting in, springing open a hatch in the floor. The boys plummet down and into the swamp water below.

Enraged, the team storms back in to get their money back and to take a crack at the source of their collective humiliation. Outnumbered and outwitted, they decide to leave while they are still in one piece. They make the long drive back to Angel Beach, still virgins.

The remainder of the film’s primary plotline involves subsequent attempts at revenge on Porky Wallace by one of the group, who only gets severely beaten. Finally, with the help of one of their older brothers (a local policeman), the boys hatch an elaborate vengeance plot that they hope will ruin Porky forever.

But Wait, There’s Sidequests!

The film’s main story is compelling enough. The initial visit to the strip club is equal parts funny and cringy, and the final 20 minutes showcase one of the greatest revenge ideas ever. But it’s all of the side stories that spring up along the way that really make Porky’s a raunchy comedy well worth the time. One subplot involves the new gym coach wondering why one of the younger girls’ coaches (played by Kim Cattrall) has the nickname “Lassie.” No spoilers, but it has nothing to do with her love of collies.

Another sub-plot concerns several of the basketball players discovering that there are ways to view the girls while they shower after practice. Tommy Turner, Pee Wee Morris, and Billy McCarty try and fail several times, mistiming when the girls would be there. But one time, they get lucky and then get caught. No spoilers here, either, but an unnamed appendage of Tommy Turners accidentally winds up in the hands of a woman that the girls call “Kong,” the cranky old Coach Ballbricker.

Porky’s is a mashup of sophomoric pranks, full frontal nudity, hilarious sex scenes, and satisfying revenge. The Movie somehow manages to capture the nostalgic feeling of the 1950s, making the Angel Beach high school and its student body part of Rockwell illustration that is then caked in phallic jokes and bare-breasted women. If Happy Days and late 70s soft-core pornography gave birth to a film that was narrated by a group of 17-year-old boys, the finished product wouldn’t be that far from the film written and directed by Clark.

Porky’s went where no other major release had gone before. Multiple scenes of full-frontal nudity, lewd discussions about quests to lose virginities, and one character’s hilarious obsession with the size of his manhood (he measures it every morning and actually keeps a “growth chart” and pencil next to his bed) paved the way for even raunchier comedy movies throughout the remainder of the 80s and forward. Where Animal House didn’t dare to go, Porky’s said “hold my beer” and delivered shock, awe, and tear-jerking laughter. To be sure, without Porky’s, there would be no Revenge of the Nerds or American Pie.

From Progressive To Perverse

Clark would go on to direct the first sequel, Porky’s II: The Next Day two years later, the same year that he directed the timeless Christmas movie that so many people watch each holiday season. This was certainly the filmmaker’s peak, as the entries later in his career included the bombs Loose Cannons, Turk 182, and Rhinestone.

In case you thought that Porky’s might be an aberration in Clark’s career as a family-friendly filmmaker, guess again. The New Orleans native began making exploitation movies in the late 1960s, beginning with the cult classic She-Man. The plot centers around a former GI that discovers that he enjoys wearing women’s clothing, giving audiences a look at the trans community.

Clark followed that work up with a documentary titled Queens at Heart in 1967. This piece centered around the lives of four transwomen, each of whom dresses to match their genders assigned at birth by day but live as women after work. Both of these early films by Clark are considered ground-breaking, given that they provide a candid and honest glimpse into the lives of a community that was scarcely represented during that era.

From there, Clark shifted his focus to horror. His first genre film was the gruesome zombie movie Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things (1972). Shot with a budget of $50,000, the cult classic was the result of Clark’s tireless diligence and the participation of a group of the director’s friends from college. It helped to cement his reputation as one of the best B-horror filmmakers of the decade and quickly became a late-night drive-in favorite.

In 1974, Clark directed two additional horror films. The first, Death Dream, was a reimagining of the W. W. Jacobs tale “The Monkey’s Paw.” Though a low-budget feature, it starred future multi-Emmy Award nominee Richard Backus (One Life to Live, Ryan’s Hope), as well as Academy Award nominee Lynn Carlin (Faces). Horror fans will recognize the special effects makeup work of master artist Tom Savini, who would soon go on to work with George Romero.

The second horror entry that year was, ironically enough, Clark’s first Christmas movie. Black Christmas is regarded by many as the first slasher film and has been remade twice (2006 and 2019). The original stars future Superman and Amityville Horror actress Margot Kidder, Olivia Hussey, and John Saxon.

Bob Clark’s Legendary Run

Rounding out the decade for Clark was a leap to yet another genre of film. In 1976, he filmed Breaking Point, a low-budget crime drama starring Bo Svenson and Robert Culp. Three years later he brought to life Sherlock Holmes and Watson in the mystery thriller Murder by Decree. The plot follows the British duo as they track the Whitechapel killings committed by the notorious Jack the Ripper. It was his biggest budget film by far at that point, and boasted a cast consisting of James Mason (Salem’s Lot, Lolita), Christopher Plummer (Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country), and Donald Sutherland (Invasion of the Body Snatchers).

So, the next time you and your family gather around the TV with the family and begin quoting along with Ralphie and the bunch, remember that the brain behind it was also the same fellow who orchestrated an on-screen tug-of-war between Coach Ballbricker and that rascal Tommy Turner, using the latter’s genitalia as sports equipment.

As of this writing, Porky’s is currently unavailable for Streaming.