The Raunchy 80s Comedy Slasher That George Clooney Wants You To Forget

By Brian Myers
| Updated 33 seconds ago

The 1980s introduced horror fans to scores of slasher franchises and stand-alone movies that have been cemented into history by way of ravenous cult followings. Whether it’s Jason Vorhees chasing a victim through the woods with a machete, Freddy Kruger stalking them in their dreams, or the Tall Man crossing dimensions to capture their souls, the gore and violence (with a little bit of humor) captivated audiences and kept them returning to the screen time and again.

With so many genre films from that era, it’s easy to imagine how some otherwise great films can be forgotten. One particular movie, 1987’s Return to Horror High, is an excellent example of a film that deserves another look. The horror-comedy packs in everything that makes these films so great and comes with the bonus of co-starring a young George Clooney.

From the opening, audiences are hit with the sick and twisted humor that sets the pace for the remaining 90+ minutes. Called onto the scene of a multiple murder, a police investigator exits his vehicle and barks at a uniformed officer, “How many?” “Six or seven. Maybe eight,” she responds to him. “What’s the matter, can’t you count?” he snaps back. “They’re not exactly all together, sir,” she quips with a straight face.

Bloody sheets covering multiple bodies are scattered across the lawn of what is soon to be revealed as a local high school. The lone survivor of the massacre, a screenwriter named Arthur, is interviewed by investigators.

As his story unfolds, audiences begin to understand that the shocked filmmaker was part of a group that had set up camp in the school, which was the site of a series of grisly, unsolved murders several years before. Arthur and the rest of the film crew were in the midst of making a movie based on the killings from years prior, and decided that filming on location at the actual high school where they occurred would give the project a more realistic edge.

As the film progresses, Arthur’s story takes the investigators through a gory sequence of events that eventually unravels the grotesque truth behind the present-day killings as well as the unsolved murders from the past. One by one, the film crew is picked off, leading audiences to believe that the original killer has returned. (Spoiler alert: Clooney’s character is the first to die off, 13 minutes into the film).

The remaining death scenes won’t disappoint gore fans. One victim is lured to a sand pit and pulled into it by unknown hands. Another finds himself cut to pieces by the blades of an industrial fan. Want to see a teacher get dissected by a masked assailant? Return to Horror High has you covered. Bodies hacked to pieces and flushed down toilets? Death by javelin? The film’s killer has methods of murder and torture that could well give Freddy and Jason a run for their money.

The film is more than just young adults getting offed on camera, though. Good special effects makeup and an eerie cinematic score accompany some well-timed jump scares and low-brow humor. Add the handful of creative on-screen deaths and an ending with two unexpected plot twists, and you get the sum of a gory movie that’s well worth the viewing time.

Return to Horror High is a genre entry filled with multiple horror movie tropes, without a doubt. Cheesy dialogue, low-budget special effects, and quirky one-liners were all par for the course in this era of cheaply made splatter films, and this example doesn’t stray far from that formula. But the well-timed humor and the terror are set in tandem with one another, creating a near-perfectly balanced horror comedy.

Surprising to some might be the level of acting presented in a movie with such a minimal budget. Clooney’s efforts shine through the blood and gore, helping to pave the young actor’s path to becoming one of Hollywood’s leading men in the coming decades.

The film also shows audiences a multitude of other familiar faces, some before they became stars, others long since their cinematic or small-screen peaks. Maureen McCormick, over a decade after her Brady Bunch character Marcia brushed her hair for the final time, plays a supporting role as a police officer.

Anyone who watched the 70s/80s sitcom Alice will recognize the actor who played the title character’s son, Philip McKeon. Rounding out the cast are Alex Rocco (The Godfather, Lady in White), character actor Andy Romano (How to Stuff a Wild Bikini, Hill Street Blues), and pro wrestler-turned actor Pepper Martin (Walking Tall, Superman II).

RETURN TO HORROR HIGH SCORE

You can stream the 1987 horror comedy Return to Horror High for free on Tubi.