The Series That Scarred 80s Kids Forever

By Jonathan Klotz
| Published 1 hour ago

Every child of the ’80s carries with them scars to this day. We watched Artax lose the will to live in the Swamp of Sorrow, half the Autobots blown up in the first 10 minutes of Transformers: The Movie, and Punky Brewster turning refrigerators into the scariest household appliance. Even the original 1983 G.I. Joe got in on the action with surprisingly dark episodes, including one in which a traitor is consumed by piranhas, but none hit as hard as “There’s No Place Like Springfield,” a two-part psychological horror focused on breaking Shipwreck, a fan favorite character, so that he’d give up the secret formula that turns water into an explosive. Cobra never did anything the way, so the master plan was to pay homage to the mind-bending sci-fi series The Prisoner. 

G.I. Joe’s Psychological Horror Season Finale

After the required bumper saying “G.I. Joe will return after these messages,” Shipwreck wakes up in a hospital and learns that his family was concerned about him. Not Uncle Al, but his wife (Mara, the Cobra operative spliced with fish DNA who previously fell in love with Shipwreck) and daughter, which is news to the career soldier who had given up on ever having a normal life. Haunted by nightmares, Shipwreck nonetheless falls into a routine with the family he always wanted in the idyllic town of Springfield. 

The two-part episode is the equivalent of a slow-burning episode for G.I. Joe, which normally wrapped up the entire story in 22-minutes with a massive gun battle. “There’s No Place Like Springfield” slowly peels back the curtain as Shipwreck realizes there’s something wrong with the town, and he uncovers the Cobra conspiracy behind it all. With the town burning down around him when the Joes arrive on a rescue mission, Shipwreck is confronted by Mara, the woman he loves, who’s still fighting for Cobra, and his daughter, armed with a rocket launcher.. Until they melt into goo. 

G.I. Joe was a very light-hearted children’s show designed to sell toys, which is why the sheer anguish in Shipwreck’s voice when he realizes that his family were synthoids is so haunting. He knows he’s been lied to by Cobra, he knows everything is fake, but in those final moments, he’s still hoping that it could be real. A glorified commercial wasn’t supposed to include deep themes about life, love, and trauma. All it needed was for the loved ones of a fan favorite character to start melting as he helplessly looked on. 

G.I. Joe’s Best Episode

“There’s No Place Like Springfield” clearly took cues from Patrick McGoohan’s psychological sci-fi drama by dropping the hero in the middle of a perfect town, where other residents use various methods, both overt and covert, to get information from him. Shipwreck’s house is also located at 6 Village Drive, an obvious homage to Number Six and The Village from The Prisoner. As a kid, it’s easy to miss references to a show from the 60s, even the large, white, gelatinous mass that attacks Shipwreck is a direct reference to The Village’s bouncy, balloon security device, Rover. All the kids cared about was that Shipwreck made it out alive. 

G.I. Joe ended Season 1 with the two-part psychological horror, but when Season 2 came around a year later, Shipwreck wasn’t shown dealing with the trauma; instead, he was reduced to comic relief. The addition of Sgt. Slaughter in Season 2 forced Season 1’s fan favorites to get less of the spotlight, but of all of them, Shipwreck deserved to remain a featured player, and he deserved to eventually settle down with the real Mara. 

Melting loved ones turned “There’s No Place Like Springfield” into a memorable G.I. Joe episode that’s remained at the top of fan favorite lists for decades. 80s kids were used to horrible, horrible things happening to their heroes ever since we watched E.T. get sick. There had to be a better way to introduce new toys than to kill off the old favorites.   

If you want to relive the 80s or check it out for the first time, G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero is currently streaming for free on Pluto TV.