Dear Coleen
I HAVE been in a relationship with my wife for 10 years. We’ve known each other since school and have enjoyed intimacy and a good sex life, or so I thought.
Recently, she admitted she’s never had an orgasm with me and always faked it.
I asked what I was lacking, and she told me size was an issue and I didn’t give her pleasure, as she couldn’t feel anything. I tried to look at ways to resolve this problem and found a swingers’ website.
I joined up and found a mature couple in the looking to entertain a younger couple. The location had to be far away from where we live, so this fitted the bill.
We arranged to meet with this couple and travelled up to see them. They were both a lot older than us, but looked young for their age.
After a chat we moved to the bedroom. Visually, it was a turn on. I really enjoyed seeing another man satisfy my wife – is there something wrong with me for feeling like this?
She enjoyed the experience, too, and wants to continue meeting swingers, but I have mixed feelings. I’d love some guidance on this.
Coleen says
YOU’VE done something to please her and it worked, but now you have to think about what’s in this for you long term. If you’re having doubts, that’s a concern. You enjoyed that experience, but the possibility of it becoming a regular thing is a different scenario and it obviously bothers you.
If sex becomes all about you watching her with someone else, it can be very damaging for your self-esteem and for your relationship. So, I think you need a bigger conversation about where you take this because both of you need to be on board. The fact you’re writing to me suggests you’re not happy, but you’re terrified of admitting it in case it causes problems.
I think you also need to talk about what does please her in bed. Maybe it is down to that excitement of doing something that other people would consider naughty. But you can be naughty without others being involved.
There’s a great book called She Comes First by Ian Kerner, and I know quite a few guys who read it and it transformed their sex life, so maybe give that a go and look into some other self-help guides.
But, as far as the swinging goes, you have to ask yourself whether it’s really for you. I dated someone once who loved lap dancing clubs and was also into porn. At first, I was cool with it because I loved this person but, as time went on, it destroyed my self-esteem because I wasn’t the one turning him on.
Think about what you want and whether it’s time to find someone who loves you for you.
Get more Daily Record exclusives by signing up for free to Google’s preferred sources. Click HERE