Far too many people now swipe left – and it could spell the end of the world: SARAH VINE

My mother always used to say (usually when my brother or I had done something idiotic) that if people thought about having children for more than five minutes, humans would swiftly die out.

She’s right, of course. Having babies requires a blind, some might even say reckless, leap of faith, both in terms of the basic practicalities (house, money, education etc), but also emotionally.

Motherhood is a minefield, and thoroughly unpredictable, no matter how carefully you prepare for it (or think you’ve prepared for it). You realise quickly that if anything were to happen to this mewling bundle of dubious-smelling fluids, you would be devastated.

At the same time you are beset by a growing panic at the realisation that your carefree life, as you once knew it, is effectively over.

But it’s fine because Mother Nature, clever thing that she is, floods your system with the most powerful drugs known to mankind – hormones – thus ensuring the future of humanity.

For countless generations, this has been the way of the world. But not any more. People are starting to think twice before having babies, and it’s taking its toll.

The developed world, including Britain, is experiencing unprecedented low rates of reproduction. According to the Office for National Statistics, the UK birth rate is at a record low of 1.39 children per woman, and the figure for white Anglo-Saxon British women is even lower, at 1.1 (although the ONS also notes that mothers from other backgrounds, in particular those of Asian heritage, maintain significant rates, between 2.5 and 2.9 children per woman).

The overall cultural and social repercussions are clear. Large numbers of women deciding either not to have children at all, or having fewer, or having them late (the average age of new mothers in the UK is 31) has serious knock-on effects. For a population to remain stable, a ‘replacement rate’ of 2.1 children per family is required; we are a long way off that.

The situation is so dire that one commentator, the crossbench peer Camilla Cavendish, has compared it to the Black Death. In her new book, Generation Maybe, she notes that a trend that began in the West has spread globally, with countries like China, Japan, Russia and even staunch Catholic nations such as Colombia and Italy reporting record low birth rates.

Perhaps we don’t need to worry about being wiped out by AI – we’re managing it all by ourselves. The question is, as Cavendish asks, why? And what can be done?

It’s clear that this is a problem that can no longer be deposited at the door of stroppy feminists or ‘have-it-all women’ (as has been the case in the past). There are other factors at play.

One is what Cavendish calls a ‘romance famine’, that is to say a difficulty – or maybe a reluctance – for couples, particularly men, to form committed relationships, in part driven by modern swipe-left-for-no, right-for-yes dating app culture (and, I would hazard, the proliferation of online porn).

This is an astute and accurate observation – although I would not say it’s an entirely new phenomenon, just a further iteration of an ongoing shift in attitudes.

When I was in my early 30s, for example, I was dumped by a man I had thought would be the father of my children. We were in what I believed was a long-term relationship; he had other ideas. With hindsight, I dodged a bullet.

But his actions might have deprived me of the chance to have children, had I not been lucky enough to meet and marry my ex-husband.

There are plenty of women of my generation who found themselves in similar situations, hence the rise in IVF treatments, which has tripled over the past 30 years as women come to motherhood later. The assumption that they are prioritising career is popular, but not always correct. In many cases it’s down to a lack of men willing to step up and commit.

Another factor Cavendish identifies is the rise in ‘greedy’ jobs, which are unstable, underpaid and make no concessions for the needs of a young family. This feeds into a general sense of economic and political uncertainty – and a growing feeling of pessimism, especially in the younger generation.

Only the other week my daughter suddenly announced that she wasn’t sure she was going to have children. When I asked her what had prompted this, she replied she had just listened to a podcast about AI, and had concluded that, given the impending jobs apocalypse, there was probably no point. I told her not to be silly – but in the back of my mind I wasn’t so sure.

If not AI, then climate change, or Russia invading… there are any number of things going on right now that would make me question the wisdom of having a child.

And when I think of the joy that my two have brought me over the years, and of how so very much they add to my happiness and general entertainment, that makes me very sad indeed. Without children there is no hope for the future, and sometimes hope is all we have.

Don’t pick on an emu!

A viral video of a man attempting to wrestle an escaped emu to the ground in Devon reminds me of one of my favourite episodes from history, Australia’s Emu War, in which the army attempted to cull 20,000 emus that were terrorising local farmers and destroying crops. Even though they used up 10,000 rounds of ammunition, fewer than 1,000 of the birds were killed, resulting in widespread ridicule for the mission’s commander, one Major Meredith.

Apparently the birds split into fast-moving formations of about 50-strong each, deploying guerrilla tactics to evade the bullets and outrunning the military vehicles at speeds of up to 30mph on rough terrain. Not such a bird-brain after all.

Traitors with talent

The new series of Celebrity Traitors boasts a stellar line-up: Ross Kemp, Richard E. Grant, Bella Ramsey, James Blunt, Miranda Hart, Michael Sheen – even Jerry Hall, left. These are people who have genuine talent and real careers in their respective fields, and not – as is so often the case these days with ‘celebrity’ line-ups – just a bunch of wannabes. There are also a very high proportion of actors – which will make for a more gripping show. 

• The strongest indication yet that Andy Burnham will not call a snap election comes from the fact that his wife has given up her corporate job to be a full-time ‘first lady’. So much for all the briefing that she was less than impressed by the thought of life in Downing Street – she’s clearly got her bum in the butter and is loving every second of it. Roll on 2029. 

• Poor Ed Sheeran, who has found out to his detriment who his friends really are. This extended to his cousin, Jethro Sheeran, who appeared on YouTube to explain why he, too, had stabbed his relative in the back. Branding Ed a ‘snake and a coward’ and claiming he was by far the more talented Sheeran, Jethro (who goes by the stage name of ‘Alonestar’) proceeded to subject viewers to a demonstration of his rapping ‘skills’. Whatever other worries Ed may face, I don’t think ‘Alonestar’ is one of them. 

What is it about Labour and booze? Tony Blair abolished licensing hours – and now Andy Burnham wants to bring back alcohol on the terraces. Do they hope people get so drunk they don’t notice the mess the country’s in?