‘Foid’ Meaning And Why It’s Important To Pull Kids Up If They Use It

A derogatory slur aimed at women has made its way into the vocabulary of teens.

The term ‘foid’, made popular among online incel (involuntary celibate) communities, has entered the mainstream with parents and researchers noting some kids are now saying it.

Incel communities tend to be made up of men who forge a sense of identity around their perceived inability to form sexual or romantic relationships. They might say this is because of how they look or because they’re “low status”. Either way, much of their anger is directed at women.

These views and terms have trickled down into mainstream culture through manosphere influencers – who, as HuffPost’s Brittany Wong puts it, “mask their misogyny in self-help, fitness tips and ‘pickup artist’-style dating advice”.

Girls have shared stories of teen brothers saying it. One parent shared on Reddit that their 16-year-old son “used to talk about girls like a normal teenager but now he says things like ‘foids only respect you if you jestermaxx correctly’ which I had to search and it made me feel sick”.

“We’re also ‘thots’ (whores), ‘community pussy’ and ‘bops’,” she added. The latter is an offensive term used to call girls or women promiscuous or a sl*t.

Speaking to Joeli Brearley and Elliott Rae on their To Be A Boy podcast this week, Meadhbh Park, the author of Blackpilled, said: “I have come across cases where a young person was outwardly saying how women have too much power, and women are stupid, and calling them ‘foid’ …”

She described foid as being like “female robot” or “android”, adding: “So basically, women have no humanity, they’re actually just stupid robots who go along with what they’re told by the media.”

This tracks with what Wired noted in an article a few months back: “Women were disparaged as ‘female humanoids,’ then ‘femoids,’ and finally just ‘foids’.”

If boys are using this language, calling girls ‘females’ or ‘bops’, or being outwardly mean towards girls in their class, experts say it’s definitely worth exploring with them.

“As parents, we cannot let conversations about misogyny slide, particularly given how it’s rapidly changing the landscape for children, teens and young people,” family therapist Fiona Yassin told HuffPost UK. “The severity of misogyny is great and we cannot ignore it.”

Instead of responding instinctively with “don’t say that!” or “do you know what you just said?” (which can shut down the conversation rather than open it up), the founder and clinical director of The Wave Clinic suggested saying something like: “Hey, I just heard you use this word. I’d like to understand what you think it means when you’re using it.”

You can then sit down with them and, using short simple sentences, explain what it means.

“This gentle approach works across age groups and invites dialogue. For younger boys, we can explain that it’s an unkind word that doesn’t belong in kind interactions: ‘Foids’ isn’t a fun or silly word – it’s mean, offensive and harmful,” she explained.

“With older children, we can begin to introduce the concept of misogyny and explain how this word diminishes respect for a group of people. Its cultural implications are significant, and it’s important that children understand that. Again, explanations should always be age-appropriate.”

It’s important to bear in mind that because the word’s becoming normalised online, some children – especially younger ones – might be repeating it innocently, without an understanding of what it actually means.

“But others will know exactly what it means, and for them, it may carry intent,” added the therapist. “That intent could be disrespectful, bullying, belittling, or shaming. It could even be part of a broader campaign of unkindness targeting certain groups of children and young people. This makes it all the more important for adults to intervene.”

If your child was called a foid by someone else – whether online or at school – parents must intervene here, too. Especially if they feel targeted or attacked.

“Support your child by helping them find firm, respectful responses – something like, ‘I’m not available for that kind of language,’” said Yassin.

“Also, acknowledge how hurtful this can be. Parents need to be aware of the emotional impact this word can have, and ensure their children feel safe and supported.”

For kids who show consistent behaviour based on resentment, jealousy and a feeling of inadequacy, Park urged parents to intervene.

Sometimes kids might become quiet and spend a lot more time online – this can be a red flag. In this case, Park advised checking their computers or phones, regardless of the discomfort that might initially bring.

She spoke of how there are new groups popping up called nihilistic violent extremists, which she described as “like incels on steroids”.

“These groups are also teaching kids how to use VPNs, how to go on torrents, how to scrape other people’s details and hack them and dox them … their ability, unfortunately, to conceal their own stuff from their parents is getting better,” she explained.

“So it’s really difficult and complicated but you do have to, as much as you can, lay down the law if you are concerned about your boy who has suddenly become very quiet online …

“Best situation is he’s having fun on a game, worst situation is he’s in these very popular spaces online.”

If you’re concerned that your child is being radicalised online, speak to their school who can make a referral to Prevent, which works to protect vulnerable people from being exploited by extremists.