You may have found yourself in a situation where a well-meaning compliment hasn’t been received well. So what should you do in this scenario? “This can actually provoke shame in both the person giving the compliment and the person receiving it,” says Rachel. “The receiver might have a negative bias toward that particular compliment or even toward the person giving it. At the same time, the giver can feel exposed or rejected.” She adds that the brain also tends to hold onto negative experiences longer than positive ones, so a moment like this can linger and feel harder to move past. Because of that, it can take more conscious effort from both sides to reframe the interaction and not let it define future exchanges.”
NewsBeat
How to compliment someone
We often think kind things about the people around us, but how often do we share them? Giving a compliment not only gives the recipient a huge boost but it also releases feel-good endorphins in the brain of the giver.
However, the thought of giving compliments can feel daunting. What if it sounds cheesy, awkward or insincere? What if it’s not received in the way it was intended? While these worries are all understandable, with a few simple considerations, giving a genuine compliment can be easier than you think.
Read on to learn more about how to compliment someone effectively, with expert insight from relationship coach and author Rachel Rose.
How to compliment someone
Knowing how to compliment someone effectively comes down to three main steps: understanding the power of a compliment and how you want to make the recipient feel, preparing yourself to give it, and considering the elements that go into a good delivery.
Step 1: Understand the power of a compliment
First things first, consider how powerful a genuine compliment can be to the recipient. By complimenting someone on their character, energy or how they make you feel can positively impact them for months, if not years, to come. When a compliment feels disingenuous, however, the recipient will feel it. It may make them feel misunderstood or point to the fact that you’ve created a false sense of who they are in your head.
What makes a compliment meaningful?
A meaningful compliment is always one that you genuinely feel or have thought to yourself. For instance, you may have noticed how charismatic someone is, or how others seem to feel comfortable in their presence. Likewise, you might admire their quick wit or listening skills. As a general rule of thumb, if you’re really taking notice and like the person, genuine compliments should come easily.
Read more: How to tell if someone likes you
The psychological benefits of giving and receiving compliments
We all know how warm we feel inside when someone gives us a really thoughtful compliment. But what actually happens in our brains during this type of interaction? “Giving and receiving compliments activates reward pathways in the brain and gives you a hit of dopamine,” explains relationship coach Rachel Rose.
“The more you do this, the more your brain starts to associate compliments (both giving and receiving) with a feel-good emotional state.” She adds that this is why, for people who feel comfortable with giving compliments, it can become something they naturally want to do more often. “Over time, it builds positive reinforcement and can even shift your baseline mood in a more optimistic direction.”
Step 2: Preparing to give a compliment
Once you know what you’d like to compliment someone on, the next step is preparing yourself to give it. Delivering it in the right circumstances can make all the difference in how it’s received. Here are a few pointers to consider:
Recognise appropriate situations for compliments
First of all, think about an appropriate situation when you could give a compliment such as on a walk, at an intimate dinner, or having a coffee. It should flow naturally with the conversation. A compliment delivered out of context could surprise the recipient and make them feel embarrassed.
Understanding your intent: genuine vs superficial compliments
Compliments are generally well received when the recipient understands that your intent is real. Superficial compliments that you don’t really mean will land badly and come across as insincere. For example, there’s no point telling someone they look amazing when they are unwell and tired and not looking their best.
Tailoring your compliment to the person
Dishing out generalised and impersonal compliments can come across as transactional. Instead, think about the things you like about the recipient and the positive moments or exchanges that have affected how you feel about them.
Step 3: The art of giving compliments
Delivering an authentic compliment is easy when you know how. Here’s what to bear in mind:
How to be sincere
The most convincing compliments are offered when the moment’s right or it flows within a conversation. For instance, you may be having a conversation about how you first met and your first impressions – prime time for a compliment. Or, if you’ve noticed something you really love about them, such as how funny they are, you could say this after they’ve made you laugh. If the person makes you feel uplifted, tell them so after spending the day with them. “You’re so naturally funny – I haven’t stopped laughing all day!” for instance, or “you always put me in such a good mood”.
Use compliments to acknowledge shared interests
Acknowledging your shared interests is also a natural way of delivering a compliment. For instance, if you both love film and you admire how much they know about the subject, tell them.
Or, if you both enjoy running or playing tennis, saying something like, “Just when I thought I couldn’t be more obsessed with tennis, you came along and made me love it even more”. Likewise, if food is your thing, share a compliment such as, “I really love how much thought you put into organising our dates. You’re so good at finding the best restaurants’. Compliments like this aren’t overdone or grand, but they reinforce a positive relationship built on trust and honesty.
Focus on effort and achievements rather than just physical traits
While it’s always nice to tell someone they look good, if the only thing you ever compliment someone on is their physical traits, it may make the recipient feel like that’s all you value about them. Instead, compliment them on their effort and achievements, such as how good a parent or friend they are, how dedicated they are to charity and community work, or how you admire their talent for hosting.
Pay attention to your recipient’s body language
Taking notice of a person’s body language is a great way of knowing when to give a compliment. If they’re sitting in a relaxed position, giving you plenty of eye contact and mirroring your body language, you’ll find it easier to deliver a compliment in a confident way. If a person’s body language feels more closed and dismissive, you may be more likely to receive a negative reaction. In cases like this, wait for a better time when the mood feels lighter.
Types of compliment to give
Struggling for ideas of how to compliment someone you care about? Here are a few places to start:
Best compliments for women
- I really admire how you always see the best in people.
- You always put me in the best mood.
- You’re so knowledgeable about such and such. It’s really impressive.
- You have the warmest energy. That’s why so many people gravitate to you.
- I feel so relaxed and happy when we spend time together.
- I really value your opinion so I’d love to get your perspective on something.
Best compliments for men
- I love how passionate you are about such and such
- You always make me feel really understood.
- You show such dedication to such and such. I really admire that about you.
- I love that you aren’t afraid to show your softer side.
- I love the way you treat the women in your life.
Best compliments for friends and family
- You always make sure that everyone is included.
- You’re such a kind friend/sister/brother/mum. I’d be lost without you.
- I love spending quality time with you.
- I can always count on you.
Building a habit of complimenting others
If you’d like to feel more confident in complimenting others, you need to build it into your life as a habit. Here are some simple ways to do so:
How to integrate compliments into daily life
Start with the simple rule: if you think of something kind, share it. If you love what someone is wearing, tell them. If you enjoyed spending time with a friend, send them a message afterwards to tell them. If you’ve noticed a friend or loved one has made extra effort in an area of their life such as exercising more, or committing to a community project, tell them how much you admire them and how they motivate you.
Encourage others to compliment
Some people find giving compliments easier than others. You can encourage those around you by paying someone a compliment and asking them if they agree. This allows them to add their own thoughts and feelings without having to initiate it. This fosters a culture of positivity and inspires those around you to concentrate on each other’s strong points.
Track the impact of your compliments on a relationship
Once you feel comfortable enough around someone to give them a compliment, you may see that it strengthens and deepens your relationship. This is because a compliment that shows you really understand a person improves trust and connection. When you make others feel good, they will feel more positive. These feelings will form the basis of your entire relationship.
FAQs
The best compliments are always ones that are the most genuine. Complimenting someone on their character or how they make you feel, for instance, is also a nice thing to share with someone you care about. “I think telling someone that their energy radiates a positive vibration is one of the best compliments you can give,” says Rachel. “It doesn’t focus on physical appearance, so it avoids accidentally offending or triggering insecurities. Instead, it highlights something more personal and unique. Energy is individual. No one else has the same presence or aura so it feels more meaningful and less tied to social expectations or conventional standards.” She adds that compliments like this also tend to land as more genuine, because it reflects how someone feels to be around rather than how they look.
Giving compliments doesn’t come naturally to everyone and it’s understandable to feel shy about it. Rachel suggests you gently gauge the recipient’s level of receptivity first. You could say something like, “I noticed something really lovely about you. Would you be open to me sharing it with you?”
“That small step sets the scene, gives the other person a sense of choice, and makes the interaction feel more emotionally safe,” she explains. “It also takes some pressure off you, because you’re not just putting the compliment out there without context. You’re creating a moment that both of you step into more consciously.”
“It’s generally in good taste, and really important for your own self-worth, to receive and accept a compliment,” says Rachel. “Simply acknowledging it with a ‘thank you’ allows the moment to land.” She adds that rejecting or deflecting a compliment can unintentionally activate shame in the person giving it, even if that’s not your intention. “Over time, consistently downplaying positive feedback can also reinforce a habit of self-depreciation, where it feels more comfortable to dismiss praise than to accept it. Learning to receive compliments, even if it feels slightly uncomfortable at first, helps build self-acceptance and confidence over time.”
If you are single and interested in meeting like-minded people, join Telegraph Dating. With more than 220,000 single people, Telegraph Dating is the perfect place to find online romance.
You must be logged in to post a comment Login