I broke my summer holiday sex drought with a romp in the back garden

Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.

This week we hear from Melanie*, a 45-year-old married mother of four who has sex about once a week on average.

But, the PR executive would like her sex life to be more frequent, with parenting often getting in the way of any one-on-one time with her husband Ian*.

‘Sex is something I have a bit of a hangup about,’ Melanie explains. ‘I’m happily married but I’d like my sex life to be more numerous, because four kids means it doesn’t happen that often.’

She met Ian when they were at university together and married a few years after graduating, with children following close behind.

Without further ado, here’s how Melanie got on this week…

The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work.

Monday

I pull myself out of bed and get the kids dressed, feed them breakfast, and ferry them off to school.

Unusually for us we arrived home late last night from a weekend abroad in Brittany where all six of us shared two rooms, which obviously meant intimacy was off the cards.

In a normal working week there is precisely no action from Monday to Friday for my husband and I.

I spend the day working from home and, as soon as the kids walk through the door, Ian and I feed them dinner and pack them off to bed so we can get an early night.

I think what makes us a strong couple is that we have the same dry sense of humour, which means we can laugh about pretty much anything, including sex droughts.

I go to sleep, knowing I love my husband and how he tries to be a better person each day, and always thinks deeply and profoundly about everything. 

Tuesday

Our daughter has finished her exams, so today she’s at home all day.

With the summer holidays in motion, it usually means a dry sex spell is coming my way. It’s manageable, but I do find that if it reaches over two weeks Ian and I start to bicker.

It doesn’t affect me so much, unless I’m in my fertile period, but I have noticed it really affects Ian’s mood.

Midweek, the only opportunity to ‘do it’ is when no children are at home, to avoid being awkwardly walked in on. With older teenagers around, intimacy is virtually impossible.

Tonight it’s the typical post-work routine and off to sleep.

Wednesday

The summer sex drought continues — but this time, it’s our fault.

Our son was working in London this week and our daughter was at her Sixth Form taster day so if we had been organised and intentional about it we could have had sex today.

But, as usual, we were working and forgot all about this opportunity that was staring us in the face.

I don’t attach meaning to it though. We’ve been married long enough to know that sometimes, these opportunities pass up by — there’ll always be another one.

Thursday

Today I’m fortunate enough to be given last minute tickets to a sporting event so I take a friend (not my husband who is not interested in sport and large crowds) and arrive home at 10:30pm.

This could be a good opportunity for physical intimacy because, by some miracle, Ian has managed to put the younger children to bed.

Bu he wants to talk about the news that some friends of ours are getting divorced.

As we talk, it’s a relief that both of our points on separation are aligned and we agree that the couple’s lack of humour, minimal connection and communication was probably the reason it ended.

It’s rare for us to have such an unusually good chat, not because we can’t communicate, but because it’s rare we have to time during the week to do so.

Plus, at weekends we often have people over and the kids’ friends over. We have to practically diarise a deep conversation.

We both go to bed happy, despite not having had sex.

Friday

Today is a busy day catching up on work. Ian and I have an argument with our daughter who is being difficult and hormonal, and by 6pm I’ve received a text from my husband saying: ‘I’m so tired I could curl up and go to bed!’

Sometimes I wonder about how frequently we have sex, especially because I have a lower libido to my partner — I don’t think the frequency of our intimacy is ideal from his point of view. 

My libido tends to be quite up and down depending on mood, where I am in my cycle (during my fertile periods I am much more interested) and, to be honest, if I’m a bit tipsy after a dinner party it’s much more likely to happen.

We go to bed early and sexless.

Saturday

Today is a calmer day for us. Despite having all of our children at home we find a place at the bottom of the garden to have sex. It’s hidden from the house, so I’m not that worried about anyone seeing.

I think the precursor for this is the children being inside watching a film, while I was out sunbathing in my bikini.

After a gay friend of mine recently said ‘never have sex sober’ I joked to my husband that he needs to ply me with more wine to get me in the mood.

Ian found it funny but actually agreed that setting the mood with a few drinks could help our sex life, and I feel the same.

I’ve given up drinking midweek (unless we’re on holiday) but it’s the weekend and I’ve been indulging in a bottle of wine as I tan.

In my experience men are much more visual than women, so after a week without sex, I think lying on the grass in a slinky bikini is just too tempting for Ian. We manage to do a quickie there and then, missionary style with him on top.

The sun is in my eyes and it’s fairly romantic, but quite short, as we worry about someone appearing and getting the shock of their lives.

It’s nice for sex to feel good, rather than be on a deadline and it feel like a chore.

Sunday

Today I’m up bright and early to take my older children with a friend to a sporting event.

It lasts all day so I arrive home late and tired. My husband, despite looking exhausted from looking after the younger two children, doesn’t look too downtrodden, as he’s still riding on a high from our quickie yesterday.

Then we head off to bed and get ready to do it all over again next week.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@metro.co.uk

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