A brother whose sister travelled from the UK to Dignitas is pleading with the House of Lords to “show some compassion” as he recalls the last time he saw her alive.
Terminally ill protesters will be outside Parliament on Friday to mark the second anniversary of Paola Marra’s death at Dignitas.
The grim anniversary coincides with the 11th Day of Committee Stage and Dying In Dignity with their campaigners are urging the Lords to stop ‘blocking’ the bill and remember Paola. Before Paula, the ex-wife of Blur drummer Dave Rowntree, travelled to the Swiss clinic she was in “unbearable” pain from breast and bowel cancer. But the former music industry and charity worker, 53, put that aside to make a film about the need for a UK law change. It began: “When you watch this, I will be dead.
Her brother, actor and film maker, Tony Marra, 56, who lives in Canada, told of the last time he saw his sister alive.
READ MORE: Assisted dying bill defeat won’t stop change in England, campaigners vow
“It was a video call and she was at Dignitas. The connection wasn’t very strong, so we were kind of speaking over each other, one of those awkward conversations,” he said.
Finally, she said, “I’ve got to go,” and we said, “I love you.” The look on her face – I’ll never forget – it was just full of love and despite the bad connection, that look of love came through.”
Asked how he coped knowing she was alone in Switzerland, he said: “I was gutted. I really wanted to be there with her. I told her I just need a day’s notice and I’ll fly over. I said I want to respect your wishes and she said, ‘I want to do this. I need to do it alone.’
“She was determined to see it through and not get me in trouble. I think it’s cruel. Thankfully the people at Dignitas are very loving. She spoke about them before she died, so that was reassuring.”
His sister made two films, one to be released to the public and one for her brother and friends. In the former she said: “I’m choosing to seek assisted dying because I refuse to let a terminal illness dictate the terms of my existence.
“The pain and suffering can become unbearable. It’s a slow erosion of dignity, the loss of independence, the stripping away of everything that makes life worth living.
“Assisted dying is not about giving up. In fact, it’s about reclaiming control. It’s not about death, it’s about dignity. It’s about giving people the right to end their suffering on their own terms, with compassion and respect.
“So, as you watch this, I am dead. But you watching this could help change the laws around assisted dying.”
Her brother said in a message to the House of Lords: “I would ask them to have some compassion and put their personal beliefs, whether they be religious or political, aside.
“Think of those who are currently dying and even those who have yet to be diagnosed, those are the ones that will benefit from law change.”
Of the assisted dying bill defeat in Scotland this week, he said: “I was a little gutted because I thought it would create great momentum and show that the country wants it and the Scottish want it.
“But I think that we’re heading in the right direction. There’s more MSPs that have voted for it than ever, so. I think we’ll get there in Scotland eventually. But it was tough.
“I’m remaining optimistic [about England]. I think the bill will fail. I think that’s obvious. But I think that we need to get it back into the h
House of Commons. I think there’s more appetite than before actually because even MPs that have voted against the bill are really angry about what these few peers have done.”
He told how despite his sister’s “unbearable” pain she had a date organised for her death and was determined to “celebrate her life with her friends”.
“She loved London and when she had a date picked, I came to the tea party and really celebrated. We weren’t able to explore London like we used to, but just to be with her was very sweet.”
He told when she was first diagnosed he had been with her and had spoken of him joining her in Switzerland.
“But as she dug in and researched, she found that I might be, in trouble if I went with her, so she said, ‘Tony, as much as I like you there, you can’t. So I honoured her wishes’.
“She really wanted to make a mark when the video was really incredible to me. To be able to organise that as she was dying was remarkable.
“She was in pain throughout, but she really wanted to do something before she died. So that’s why I’m so proud to try to keep her voice alive.
“She was very open about what she was going through. So she had a lot of drug treatments, chemotherapy, and a lot of surgeries.
“And with the surgeries on her bowel, often when it healed, it would create lesions and then blockages. So those blockages were quite painful, the scar tissue. And then there were side effects from those blockages. Quite horrendous.” He described how people are unable to have an assisted death in the UK as “cruel”.
“She knew that as she got close to the end that those side effects would prevail and so the pain plus those side-effects were something she wanted to avoid.”
Tony explained how his wife has secondary breast cancer and as they live in Toronto has access to an assisted death “should she choose that”.
Dying in Dignity, who organised Friday’s protest, said: “While the Lords scrutinise this Bill, people are still being failed by the current law in the same way Paola was,” they said.
“Two years on, Paola’s anniversary is a powerful moment to ask: what has changed, and what hasn’t?
“This Bill has been supported by MPs in 2 free votes and enjoys significant public support, yet it is being blocked by a small group of unelected peers who all have historic opposition to the principle of assisted dying.”
Opponents raised several concerns about the proposed bill in England and Scotland, particularly fears of people being coerced into an assisted death.
Independent MSP Jeremy Balfour – born with no left arm and a right arm that ends at the elbow – said disabled people were “terrified” of assisted dying legislation.
He warned the bill would open “a pandora’s box” and said there could be “no meaningful protection” against coercion.
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