I’m Calling It: The ‘Terrible Twos’ Deserve A Rebrand

Most parents have heard a variation on the phrase “Oooh, terrible twos!” uttered with eyebrows raised and a knowing look at their toddler.

In fact, such is the bad rap two-year-olds have that before my eldest had even reached her toddler years, I was extremely nervous about what the age would hold for us. I genuinely thought she was going to morph into some nightmarish, uber-emotional hellbat on her second birthday.

But, two kids later (and having met my fair share of two-year-olds in the process), I have to say: two is perhaps my favourite age.

So, I’m here to bang the drum for a rebrand of ‘terrible twos’ to ‘terrific twos’.

The ‘terrible twos’ descriptor largely stems from the fact previously-compliant babies grow up and become louder, more mobile and in need of independence – but they’re obviously still very little, so can’t have full autonomy over every little thing.

“Around this age, children are beginning to realise they are their own person with their own thoughts, preferences and opinions,” Dr Sasha Hall, a senior educational and child psychologist, told me. “It becomes the ‘me do it’ stage. They want to put on their own shoes, choose their own clothes and do things for themselves.

“That growing autonomy is exactly what we want to see, but it often arrives before they have the emotional regulation skills to cope when things do not go to plan.”

Yes, two is when the pushback begins. You might hear more of the word ‘no’. You might also be on the receiving end of some pretty irrational requests. And Dr Hall noted these moments often happen at moments of high stress, like when you’re trying to get out of the door in the morning – “they’re insisting their sandals are on the right feet when they are not, or they want to wear wellies in the middle of a heatwave,” she said. “Those everyday moments can really test our own patience and emotional regulation.”

If they can’t make their own choices, or feel like the choice has been taken out of their tiny hands, this can certainly spark a big old tantrum – hitting, kicking, biting, screeching – as they still don’t have the ability to manage their emotions very well. (They’re only two after all – most adults I know still haven’t quite mastered that either, but nobody’s going around calling them ‘terrible’.)

I want to share a bit of reassurance for other parents approaching the toddler years that, aside from the meltdowns, which can obviously be tough to handle (especially in public), two is a marvellous age.

You see, your child is learning so much – songs, stories, words, how to navigate relationships with others. There’s nothing like having an unhinged dinnertime conversation with a two-year-old or trying to decode what they’re saying (the other day my youngest said we were going “to the zoom, then the flaps, then the books”). Another time she abruptly told me “no, you can’t” but didn’t quite pronounce the last word correctly. (I’ll let you determine how that actually came out.)

Two is the age of them not quite nailing long words, like blupperply (butterfly) and squealing with excitement when an ant runs past. It’s a time of potty training pride (“look Mummy, my got pants on!”), phallic art work, and being extra-willing to help you with any household chore. (Ask a toddler to help you hang up washing on a clothes horse, or empty the dishwasher, and it’s like you’ve just promised them a lifetime supply of ice cream.)

There’s mischief and mayhem, for sure, but there are also so many exciting firsts, and their personality begins to really shine through. You begin to see yourself – or your partner – reflected back in the mannerisms of a tiny person, or watch as they develop their own interests. Right now we’re loving cooking and playing in the pretend kitchen – and nothing brings my toddler joy quite like making me a ‘coffee and a croissant’ or simply a plate of ‘couscous’.

Perhaps the most wonderful thing about two-year-olds, though, is the sheer amount of love they have to give those around them.

There is something so special about going into my two-year-old’s room each morning and seeing her beaming at me from her cot. I’ll pick her up and she’ll lean in close for a cuddle, like she’s not seen me for weeks on end. She’ll gently tell me she loves me and has figured out how to make a heart shape with her fingers. Honestly, there’s nothing cuter.

If I’m not well (I was recently bedridden with a horrendous stomach bug) she’ll come and lie with me, wide-eyed but still sucking her thumb, asking “you OK, mummy?” before tenderly stroking my face. Then she’ll rush off somewhere in a hurry, shouting back: “I get you teddy.” Granted that teddy might end up bouncing off my face in the next 30 seconds, but it’s the thought that counts.

I guess all of this is to say: if you’re a new parent, or your child’s approaching toddlerhood, and someone warns you about the “terrible twos”, let it wash over you like water off a duck’s back.

Because yes, there will be meltdowns. But there will also be laughter until your stomach hurts, fierce cuddles, endless curiosity and the privilege of watching a tiny person discover who they are.

And if you ask me, that’s far from terrible.