James Haskell tells his crush Coleen Nolan to ‘sit on his lap’ and we’re cringing

There are many phrases a woman wants to hear from a man expressing romantic interest; ‘I probably would’ve given her a spin’ is certainly not one of them.

Sadly for Coleen Nolan, James Haskell hasn’t learned that lesson.

Appearing on This Morning, the former rugby player admitted he has ‘a real crush’ on his Celebs Go Dating co-star before adding the really cringeworthy sentence: ‘I probably would’ve given her a spin.’

Like she’s a discounted Fiat 500 he’s considering taking round the block before committing.

Somehow, things got even harder to watch from there.

When Coleen later surprised him in the studio, Haskell immediately asked: ‘Do you wanna sit on my knee?’ Ugh.

To be fair to Coleen, she handled the interaction with the exact weary energy of a woman who has spent decades professionally tolerating men saying embarrassing things in ITV studios.

Her immediate response — ‘Not again’ — honestly deserved a BAFTA.

The entire exchange felt like watching somebody’s recently divorced uncle attempt banter at a wedding reception after five warm Peronis.

What makes it especially grim is that Haskell’s comments arrived in the context of a dating show where experts have apparently already been trying to explain to him that women tend to enjoy things like emotional depth, curiosity, and conversation.

Instead, he continues to flirt like a man whose understanding of romance was frozen in carbonite sometime around 2007.

There’s also a particular kind of exhausting masculinity in the ‘she was all over me really’ style of joking that followed, with Haskell claiming he had to ‘put multiple locks on the door’ because Nolan was supposedly ‘coming at him’.

Again: this is the language of a Year 10 boy who has just discovered laddish podcasts.

And look, perhaps everyone involved was in on the joke.

Coleen certainly seemed unbothered. But there’s still something deeply cringe-inducing about watching grown men perform this kind of wink-wink heterosexuality like they’re contractually obliged to keep Loaded magazine culture alive through sheer force of will.

Because contrary to what certain former rugby players appear to believe, flirting is not just saying increasingly alarming things until somebody from ITV coughs politely and cuts to ad break.

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