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Michael McIntyre’s Big Show celebrity guest moved to tears after surprise reunion

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Wales Online

Michael McIntyre’s Big Show viewers were also left emotional following a reunion during the Remember Me challenge

A beloved comedy figure was moved to tears within moments of stepping onto Michael McIntyre’s Big Show.

On Saturday evening (January 31), Michael McIntyre was back with his unmissable family entertainment spectacular, recorded at the iconic Theatre Royal Drury Lane in London.

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BAFTA-winning comedian Frank Skinner was the opening guest on the BBC One programme, participating in a touching and amusing round of Remember Me.

The segment features a famous participant being reunited with a series of figures from their past who emerge onto the stage via a trapdoor, with the celebrity tasked with identifying each figure. First to surface was Shayda, Frank’s optician, then Jeff, a former primary school classmate of Frank’s.

READ MORE: Romesh Ranganathan mortified over awkward reunion on Michael McIntyre’s Big ShowREAD MORE: KSI’s real name, mammoth net worth and ‘secret girlfriend’ he’s been dating for eight years

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Yet it was the third surprise guest who truly stirred Frank’s emotions – Cathy, the doctor who delivered his son 13 years earlier. As she walked onto the stage, Frank immediately appeared to recognise her, reports the Mirror.

“If you are who I think you are, are you Cathy?” Frank enquired as the audience erupted in applause.

Visibly emotional, the comedian revealed his connection to the guest: “This is Cathy, Cathy delivered my baby, and he’s actually here tonight, he’s 13 now.

“It was actually an emergency caesarean, and Cathy put her scrubs on and was totally in control, and handed me this beautiful baby.”

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Cathy appeared to be on the verge of tears as Frank, also visibly emotional, left his seat in the Royal box to join her on stage.

Embracing Cathy, Frank expressed his gratitude, saying, “Thank you so so much”, to which she responded, “I’m so pleased to see you”.

As he wiped away his tears, he praised her, stating, “What an amazing woman she is, honestly. You handed me the most amazing gift I have ever had in my entire life, Cathy. Thank you so much.”

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Viewers of Michael McIntyre’s Big Show were deeply moved by the heartfelt reunion between Frank and Cathy. One viewer posted on X: “Well, I didn’t have blubbing at Frank Skinner on my bingo card EVER #michaelmcintyresbigshow.”

Another commented: “Not me crying cos Frank Skinner is crying cos Cathy is there who delivered his son 13 yrs ago #michaelmcintyresbigshow”, while a third simply stated: “I love Frank Skinner #BigShow.”

One viewer praised the moment, saying, “Frank Skinner remembering Kathy (sic) is one of the best and most genuine things I’ve watched on television”.

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“Frank Skinner. Brilliant comedian and now an unexpected National Treasure (love heart). Wonderful stuff”, wrote another viewer.

Michael McIntyre’s Big Show airs Saturday on BBC One and iPlayer

**For the latest showbiz, TV, movie and streaming news, go to the new **Everything Gossip** website**

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Serial conman who targeted old folk in Wishaw jailed for nearly three years

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Jordan Nisbet offered his unsuspecting victims gutter and wheelie bin cleaning services, but disappeared after taking their money.

A serial conman who targeted old folk in Wishaw has been jailed for nearly three years.

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Jordan Nisbet offered his unsuspecting victims gutter and wheelie bin cleaning services, but disappeared after taking their money.

The 29-year-old, who has a long record for this type of crime, appeared from custody at Hamilton Sheriff Court.

He admitted theft, fraud and robbery charges spanning a five-week period in October and November last year.

The court heard he got £30 from a couple in their 80s in Miller Street after promising to clean their gutters.

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Two victims in their 70s in Caledonian Road and Carfin Road, Craigneuk, were each conned out of £18.

They handed over the money after Nisbet told them of his wheelie bin cleaning service. He also stole cash from the Carfin Road address.

Nisbert then robbed a woman of her handbag and purse at Caledonian Retail Park.

Sheriff Louise Gallacher jailed him for 32 months.

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READ MORE: Thug attacked new girlfriend 10 days into their new relationship

Nisbet had not long completed a 40-month prison sentence when he was caught.

In 2024 he admitted conning householders over gutter work, stealing three piggy banks containing cash from a school and grabbing a charity tin from a shop.

Cash problems have been blamed for his behaviour which have led to a series of jail sentences.

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Previously his lawyer told the court: “His crimes are doomed to fail because he lives in Wishaw, is easily recognisable and, given his record, is an immediate suspect for the police.”

READ MORE: High-risk offender jailed again for domestic abuse

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Latest update in case of man accused of Huntingdon train stabbings

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Cambridgeshire Live

A court hearing was held in Cambridge regarding charges faced by Anthony Williams.

A provisional trial date has been set for the man accused of a mass stabbing on a train in Huntingdon. A hearing took place at Cambridge Crown Court for Anthony Williams, 32, on Wednesday (February 4).

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Williams, of Langford Road, Peterborough, has been charged in relation to a knife attack on a LNER train that diverted to Huntingdon on November 1. Gillian Jones KC, defending Williams, said he is currently at Rampton Hospital, a high-security psychiatric hospital, in Nottinghamshire.

Judge Mark Bishop ordered that a report about the defendant’s fitness to plead should be prepared by April 7. The case has been adjourned until April 14 for a mention hearing.

Williams is charged with 10 counts of attempted murder, possession of a bladed article, and actual bodily harm in connection with the attack on November 1.

He is also charged with attempted murder and possession of a bladed article following an incident at Pontoon Dock DLR station in London, and attempted murder of a 14-year-old boy and a 22-year-old man in Peterborough on October 31.

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Other charges, which will be considered alongside the above, include attempted wounding with intent of a 28-year-old man, possession of a bladed article, and affray in Peterborough on October 31.

He was also charged with common assault of a 31-year-old man on a train travelling between Hitchin and Biggleswade on November 1. A provisional trial date of June 22 has been set.

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Major update amid investigation into fatal plane crash in Littleborough

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Manchester Evening News

Two men were tragically found death following the light aircraft crash

A major update has been given amid investigations into a fatal plane crash in Littleborough. Emergency services were sent out to farmland near Blackstone Edge shortly after 11am on Tuesday morning (February 3).

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Greater Manchester Police says the bodies of two men were recovered, with both sadly pronounced dead at the scene. It is not believed that anyone else was on board the Cirrus SR20 light aircraft which plummeted to the ground.

Images from the scene on Wednesday showed emergency crews in attendance continuing to conduct enquiries, along with specialist investigators from the Air Accident Investigation Branch (AAIB). The aircraft at the centre of the investigation remains at the scene.

Formal identification is yet to take place for the two victims, according to Greater Manchester Police. There were not thought to be any other passengers on board and nobody else was injured.

In an update, the AAIB confirmed the aircraft is to be recovered and transported for further inspections at the authority’s headquarters, with investigators due to remain at the scene until Friday (February 6).

It’s understood that ‘all lines of enquiry remain open’ into the cause of the fatal crash. It’s thought that the deployment of a parachute is also forming as part of the probe. The M.E.N reported yesterday how the Cirrus aircraft is fit with automatic features, including a parachute to lower the aircraft to the ground in emergencies.

A spokesperson for the AAIB said: “An accident involving a light aircraft which occurred yesterday morning (3 February) near Rochdale, Greater Manchester was notified to the AAIB. An investigation has been launched and a multidisciplinary team of inspectors are at the accident site.”

The aircraft involved, registered G-GXVV, was owned by Daedalus Aviation (Services) Ltd – a Birmingham-based company offering pilot training experiences. FlightRadar24 data shows the aircraft left Birmingham Airport before heading north. The final signal was sent around 40 minutes later near Marsden, West Yorkshire.

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Daedalus Aviation (Services) Ltd said it was ‘currently working with the authorities on the investigation’. A company representative added that the firm has ‘no further comment’ to make.

Chief Superintendent Danny Inglis, from GMP’s Rochdale district, said on Tuesday: “This is a devastating incident where two people have lost their lives and our thoughts are with their families and friends. We have been working closely with emergency service colleagues and partner agencies throughout the day to establish the full circumstances and we will be on scene overnight and into tomorrow.

“There will be an enhanced presence as officers and investigators comprehensively survey the area and ensure all available evidence is recovered. If anyone has any information, or witnessed the crash, we would urge you to get in touch with us.”

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Witnesses are being asked to come forward to GMP. Details can be passed on by calling 101 or using Live Chat on GMP’s website, quoting log number 1056 of February 3, 2026.

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Darlington man backs oesophageal Cancer Research UK trial

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Darlington man backs oesophageal Cancer Research UK trial

Anthony Kelly, 71, from Haughton, took part in the BEST4 Screening trial this morning (February 3), where a mobile screening unit visited the ASDA Darlington Superstore.

Having lived with reflux and heartburn for most of his life, and experienced first-hand the devastating impact cancer can have, Antony said he was keen to take part.

The retired electrical inspector, who now volunteers at St Teresa’s Hospice, has suffered from stomach problems since childhood.

He said: “When I was seven years old, I was told I had a ‘nervous stomach’ and since then I’ve been on every tablet and prescription you can imagine.

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“It’s a lot worse now I’m older and it keeps me up most of the night, so I’m very keen to get it looked at.”

Anthony has seen the impact cancer can have after losing his first wife to leukaemia when he was 23-years-old, and then having lost both parents to the disease. 

Anthony Kelly and Irene Debiram-Beecham, Principal Research Nurse and the BEST4 Clinical Coordinator, who carried out the procedures today. (Image: Cancer Research UK)

He said: “I take prescribed medication for the symptoms, but if I miss any doses, I notice it getting worse. I had an endoscopy a few years ago, but this sounds much more straightforward.

“Any new development which makes it cheaper and less intrusive for these kind of tests is good news. The pill on the thread is fascinating and I’m happy to be involved in something which could help create a future screening programme.”

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The BEST4 Screening trial is testing whether a ‘pill-on-a-thread’ capsule sponge test could be used to screen people with chronic heartburn for Barrett’s oesophagus – a condition that can lead to oesophageal cancer.

The trial is backed by £6.4 million of funding from Cancer Research UK and the National Institute for Health and Care Research (NIHR).

The test takes ten minutes to do, making it much faster and less expensive than an endoscopy. The trial will find out if the capsule sponge test can detect oesophageal cancers earlier, reducing the need for intensive treatments and preventing deaths.

Anthony Kelly and Irene Debiram-Beecham, Principal Research Nurse and the BEST4 Clinical Coordinator, who carried out the procedures today. (Image: Cancer Research UK)

The capsule sponge starts off as a small, coated pill attached to a piece of thread. When a patient swallows the pill and it reaches the stomach, the coating dissolves and the sponge inside it expands to the size of a cherry tomato.

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The sponge collects cells from the oesophagus, and they are sent for testing for two proteins which tell doctors if someone has Barrett’s oesophagus or oesophageal cancer.

Following the initial rollout of the trial in Cambridgeshire in November 2024, the trial aims to recruit 120,000 people who regularly take medication for heartburn.

According to analysis from Cancer Research UK, there are around 9,300 new cases of oesophageal cancer in the UK every year.

It is the seventh most common cause of cancer death in the UK, with around 22 deaths a day from the disease.

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The BEST4 Screening trial will find out if a new ‘pill-on-a-thread’ test could be used to screen people with heartburn for Barrett’s oesophagus (Image: Cancer Research UK)

Consultant gastroenterologist at North Tees and Hartlepool NHS Foundation Trust and principal investigator of the BEST4 Screening trial in North Teesside and Darlington, Professor Matt Rutter, said: “Oesophageal cancer is becoming more commonly recognised in the UK. Despite advances in treating the disease over recent years, only one in five people survive this cancer for five years or more.

“The capsule sponge test is much quicker, less expensive and can be delivered in the community. We hope that the BEST4 Screening trial will help us identify more people earlier and crucially reduce deaths from oesophageal cancer.”

The trial is open to men aged 55 to 79 and women aged 65 to 79 who have regular symptoms of heartburn, acid reflux, or indigestion, or who regularly use medication to manage these symptoms.

If you receive a text message from NHSresearch, you can click the link to sign up, or sign up through the Heartburn Health website: https://www.heartburnhealth.org/join-the-programme/ 

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David Beckham return as Man United owner addressed as ‘dream come true’ comments say it all

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Manchester Evening News

Former Manchester United and England defender Wes Brown has been asked about the prospect of former team-mate David Beckham owning his first club in the future

Former Manchester United star Wes Brown believes it would be a dream come true if David Beckham returned to Old Trafford as an owner in the future. The megastar departed United in 2003 to join Real Madrid for a £25million fee after falling out with Sir Alex Ferguson.

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The ex-England captain and United academy product is already firmly involved in the world of football club ownership. Beckham, 50, is a team owner of Inter Miami in Major League Soccer and, more recently, became a leading member of a consortium that owns Salford City.

United’s major shareholders, the Glazer family, have proven deeply unpopular in their time with the club, and speculation over a sale has been rife in recent years. Such uncertainty saw Sir Jim Ratcliffe arrive as a co-owner in 2024 after buying a 27 per cent share for £1.25bn

Ratcliffe’s tenure has seen him become a face of the club’s ownership and he has proven controversial. United have seen a number of cost-cutting measures, including widespread redundancies, and in some corners, an appetitite for a takeover remains.

Brown does not believe a bid from Beckham is imminent, but believes it would be a dream move. “Could Becks come back to United as owner one day? Becks has done fantastic at Inter Miami,” the former defender told BettingLounge.

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He’s brought in some great players. They are building the team again now to go bigger and bigger to become this worldwide brand. He’s done brilliantly in that sense.

Manchester United is a little bit different. Inter Miami are a new team that needs to get itself out there to the world. I don’t think anybody thinks United need to get themselves out there!

But Becks back at United? It would be a dream come true if that was ever the case but I think Sir David is busy enough at the moment.

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Beckham’s ownership group behind Inter Miami formed in 2013 as Miami Beckham United. The ex-AC Milan and Paris Saint-Germain loanee agreed a deal when he joined LA Galaxy that allowed him to own an expansion team for a discounted franchise fee.

Speaking in 2023, when United were actively in search of new owners, Beckham explained what he wanted to see happen at that level.

“Whoever is running your club, you want them to be passionate, be involved, make the right decisions, bring in the right players and invest in the club,” he said.

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“Because the club does need investment, whether it’s the training facility, stadium, on the field…these kinds of big things need to be made and changes do need to happen, especially when you see the likes of Man City and what they’re doing.”

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‘More than 170’ killed in suspected Islamist attack in Nigeria | World News

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A woman prays at church in Minna, Nigeria, after a separate incident last year which saw scores of people kidnapped. The country has been rocked by sectarian violence in recent years. Pic: Reuters

At least 170 people have been killed by a mob of gunmen in Nigeria, a local lawmaker has told the Reuters news agency.

The attack on the remote village of Woro on Tuesday is among the deadliest of the year so far in a country currently rocked by sectarian violence.

The jihadist raiders had demanded villagers embrace Sharia law, survivors told Reuters.

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When they pushed back the militants opened fire.

Residents were rounded up, with their hands bound behind their backs before being executed, local lawmaker Saidu Baba Ahmed claimed.

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He added that authorities are still combing through the bushland to find survivors.

He told Reuters: “As I’m speaking to you ​now, I’m in the village along with military personnel, sorting dead bodies and combing the surrounding areas for more.”

The attackers also torched homes and shops before fleeing.

Read more from Sky News:
Teen swims four hours to save family
Air India flight grounded after ‘possible defect’

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Woro sits in the central region of Kwara – an area increasingly targeted by gunmen who raid ​villages, kidnap residents and loot livestock.

Kwara police spokesperson Adetoun Ejire-Adeyem said the police and ‌military have been mobilised to the area for a search-and-rescue ‍operation.

He declined to provide exact casualty details.

Just last month around 150 churchgoers were kidnapped by a group of bandits in Nigeria.

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Nigeria has become a focal point for the United States in recent months, after President Donald Trump accused it last year of failing to protect Christians.

It led to American forces striking what they described as terrorist targets on Christmas Day.

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Comedian Jon Richardson’s TV series to rescue The Plough

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Comedian Jon Richardson's TV series to rescue The Plough

In a new Channel 4 documentary Our Yorkshire Pub Rescue, Richardson, 43, who is known for his appearances on 8 Out of 10 Cats and 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown becomes a shareholder in Fadmoor Community Pub Limited, and shows how he works with the community to breathe life back into their local boozer.

Along the way, the Waterloo Road star will get involved in the renovation and be on hand to tackle a variety of challenges.

Ahead of the release of Our Yorkshire Pub Rescue, Richardson discusses what his experience has been like.

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HAS IT ALWAYS BEEN A DREAM TO OWN A PUB?

JON RICHARDSON: Yeah, it has been. I mentioned to my accountant once that my long-term goal was to own a pub, and I think it was the closest he’s come to punching me in the face. So this is like a dream. It’s a dream option where you don’t have to own the full pub, but you get to gob off about what you think they should have and what you think they should sell.

HOW DID YOU GET INVOLVED WITH THE PLOUGH?

JON RICHARDSON: We talked with a production company about doing something around pubs, and specifically community-owned pubs, and then they heard about The Plough. We went up and did a visit and met everyone, and it just seemed right immediately. The people there were amazing, and the building was great. It was a quick turnaround from finding the building to getting Channel 4 to back it, so we were quite lucky.

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THE RELEASE OF THIS DOCUMENTARY COMES AS THE GOVERNMENT ANNOUNCED ITS U-TURN AND A SUPPORT PACKAGE FOR PUBs. DOES it HIGHLIGHT HOW MUCH LOCAL PUBS ARE STRUGGLING?

JON RICHARDSON: Yeah, I think that’s been happening a long time. I think pubs have faced various challenges over the years. There’s always something on beer duties. At the moment, I think there’s a big problem around pubs, and a limit to what the publicans themselves are able to do in in the buildings that they run.

You can feel a clash between the problems that pubs are facing and their importance in the country. Lockdown was defined by the access you had to a pub. I feel like every different phase we were in was about whether you could eat in a pub, drink in a pub, sitting two people in a pub. Their importance can’t be overstated.

“We haven’t got into the business race thing on this series, because it just feels like pubs face one problem after another. What we’re trying to get into are the core values of a pub and what do you have to offer a local community that means you get to stay open for 50 years.

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WHAT OBSTACLES DID YOU COME ACROSS?

JON RICHARDSON: There’s been so many. The first time I walked in, I could not believe there were no walls, no floor, no electrics, no toilets. I was flabbergasted. So even the starting point to me was this is more Grand Designs than a pub series. This is actually building something from scratch.

WHAT SORT OF LANDLORD WOULD YOU BE?

JON RICHARDSON: I’d be a terrible landlord because I’m quite grumpy. Ultimately, what I like, this is the real problem facing pubs: quiet pubs. I like pubs where I can sit in the corner, maybe stroke a dog now and again, go and get a pint, sit and not be bothered.

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But for The Plough to succeed, it needs to be busy and full all the time, which I would be advising them against – let’s not have too many people in.

The great thing about this is that I don’t have to be. At some point, the shareholders will have to hand over the pub to somebody who’s going to run it, and that’ll be a really interesting phase, because at the moment, they’re doing everything themselves.

HOW DID YOU FIND THE MANUAL LABOUR? DO WE SEE YOU DOING A LOT OF IT DURING THE SERIES?

JON RICHARDSON: That is a recurring theme. If that’s what you’re into, people laughing at my efforts, then I’ll be pleased to tell you people were mocking my driving, my parking, the sandwiches that I bring at lunchtime. That is a recurring theme. But the manual labour I loved, because I’ve never done anything like it.

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I’ve been doing comedy for 20 years, so there’s no tangible thing I’ve ever achieved.

So even just to grout a tile and to be able to say, ‘I can come for a wee in here in like 30 years and see that bit of grouting and know that I did it’, it’s a totally unique feeling to me.

So I’ll take the mockery. Just to say, we did a bit of plastering outside. I repointed part of the stone wall outside, and I never felt more like a toddler showing a picture of a dog to be pinned on the fridge. I’ve sent that picture of that repointing to every friend and family member I’ve got.

DO PUBS NEED TO EMBRACE THE COUNTRY’S CHANGING DRINKING HABITS?

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JON RICHARDSON: I think we’re known as being a bit uptight in this country. And I think the pub is one of the few places where you’ll have a table full of nanas together, just giggling and howling and owning up to stuff.

And you’ll have men who wouldn’t talk in any other situation having conversations that they didn’t think they were going to talk about when they arrived. There are essentials for that, and that is not booze-reliant, which I’m realising now.

Our Yorkshire Pub Rescue, is on More 4 tonight (Wednesday) at 9pm. on Wednesday.

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What is the ton in Bridgerton?

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Daily Mirror

Netflix’s hit period romance Bridgerton has returned for a fourth season and fans want to know more about one of its most important features

Bridgerton season four part two teased in trailer

Bridgerton has come back for an electrifying fourth season and fans want to know more about the ‘ton’.

Set in the Regency era in the first half of the 19th Century, the popular period drama based on the books by Julia Quinn follows a noble family finding love in London’s high society.

After eldest daughter Daphne (played by Phoebe Dynevor), and sons Anthony (Jonathan Bailey) and Colin’s (Luke Newton) time in the spotlight, this time Benedict Bridgerton (Luke Thompson) is taking centre stage.

Following a memorable meeting with a mysterious Lady in Silver at a masquerade ball, Benedict strikes up a hidden romance with new maid Sophie Baek (Yerin Ha), unaware that they are one and the same.

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Throughout the series there are frequent references to the ‘ton’, including local gossip being spread by Penelope aka Lady Whistledown (Nicola Coughlan) being referred to as the ‘talk of the ton’.

But what is Bridgerton’s ton?

During the Regency era, the ton simply referred to the upper echelons of society in London.

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Whenever the aristocracy and wealthy elite gather in the court of Queen Charlotte (Golda Rosheuvel), they are collectively referred to as the ton as a shorthand for the most powerful and influential class of the capital.

The term originated in the 1800s and is actually derived from the French phrase ‘le bon ton’, which means good manners.

**For the latest showbiz, TV, movie and streaming news, go to the new **Everything Gossip** website**

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Throughout the series, the ton gathers during the ‘season’, ie the spring and summer months, for luxurious balls and banquets.

One of the main focuses of these events was the ‘marriage mart’, a highly competitive and cutthroat period of the year where debutantes (unmarried daughters) of the family were announced as young women of marrying age.

While many young women were almost immediately wedded to the most rich and powerful bachelors, such as Francesca Bridgerton (Hannah Dodd), others take longer to find a match while some, including Eloise (Claudia Jessie), for now, swear off marriage for good.

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‘Dearest gentle reader’, as the fourth season of Bridgerton follows second son Benedict love story, there’s a way to watch this fairytale-like season for less.

Sky is giving away a free Netflix subscription with its new Sky Stream TV bundles, including the £15 Essential TV plan. This lets customers watch live and on-demand TV content without a satellite dish or aerial and includes the new season of Bridgerton.

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In Bridgerton’s fourth season, Benedict defies convention entirely after years of casual affairs when he strikes up a budding relationship with Sophie, a young woman of the servant class.

Assuming she’s a member of the ton when he meets her at the ball, Benedict has an impossible decision to make when he eventually discovers that the Lady in Silver is, in fact, Sophie and not a member of high society after all.

And before then, Benedict will have to make amends after insulting his secret paramour by asking her to be his mistress. Find out if they can bring their clandestine affair out into the light when the second half of season four drops later this month.

Bridgerton season 4, part 2 releases Thursday, 26th February on Netflix.

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Students turned away from school after ‘threat’ in Cambridgeshire town

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Cambridgeshire Live

Entry to the school was restricted as a precaution

A small number of school children were turned away from a school in a Cambridgeshire town due to a threat in the area. Ernulf Academy were made aware of a “threat in the community” this morning (Wednesday, February 4).

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Ernulf Academy took the precaution of restricting entry to the school. The school is in touch with the police and is following their advice.

Lessons at the school are continuing as normal. Ernulf Academy is keeping parents updated on the situation. The threat has not been disclosed.

A spokesperson for Ernulf Academy said: “This morning, we were made aware of a threat in the community and we have taken the precaution of restricting entry to the school. We are in touch with the police for their advice.

“Lessons are continuing as normal and the school is safe, calm and happy. We have procedures in place to respond to situations such as this and students have responded well to what has been asked of them.

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“A small number of students were turned away from school this morning as the safety precaution took effect, we are sorry for any disruption caused by this.

“We are keeping parents and the local community updated whilst we take advice from the police. The safety of all our students and staff remains our top priority.”

To get more breaking news and top stories delivered directly to your phone, join our new WhatsApp community. Click this link to receive your daily dose of CambridgeshireLive content.

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4 Science-Backed Signs You’re Headed For Divorce

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4 Science-Backed Signs You're Headed For Divorce

Curveball divorces,” or those which blindside one member of a splitting couple, are apparently on the rise.

But according to research conducted by Dr John Gottman and Dr Julie Schwartz Gottman of the Gottman Institute (GI), there are four “horsemen” which pretty consistently spell relationship disaster.

The researchers, who studied couples and relationships for five decades, use the horsemen metaphor (in the Bible the four horsemen – Conquest, War, Hunger, and Death – herald the apocalypse) as a way to describe the collapse of a relationship.

Their terms, meanwhile, describe “communication styles that, according to our research, can predict the end of a relationship”.

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What are the “four horsemen” of separation?

1) Criticism

This, the experts say, is different to offering your partner critiques or bringing up the odd complaint with them.

Instead, it’s about acting as if an issue with your partner says something fundamental about that person: “an ad hominem attack”.

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So, rather than saying “I feel unappreciated when the bin bag is allowed to get too full. We agreed that was a task you would undertake,” you might say, “You’re lazy, messy, and selfish”.

This doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed, said the GI. But, “It makes the victim feel assaulted, rejected, and hurt, and often causes the perpetrator and victim to fall into an escalating pattern.”

Try using “I” statements (“I feel scared when…”) and suggesting a positive change if you want to make corrections, rather than being critical.

2) Contempt

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“While criticism attacks your partner’s character, contempt assumes a position of moral superiority over them,” the GI shared.

It means you approach your partner with sarcasm, ridicule, and/or mockery: you might roll your eyes, make fun of them, repeat what they said in a silly voice, or call them names.

For instance, a contemptuous member of a couple might say, “Boo-hoo, I’m SO sorry that working a desk job is making you so ‘tired’. Try spending one day at my job, you’d never survive, you’re being such a baby.”

This is so corrosive to a relationship that it can lower a couple’s physical immune system. It is, the GI said, the “single greatest predictor of divorce”.

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Building a “culture of appreciation” can help to remedy contempt; learning to notice and be grateful for the small things may be transformative.

3) Defensiveness

This is common among rocky relationships and can arise when criticism is high.

A defensive partner may feel that criticisms of them are unjust, so instead of addressing them head-on, they may reverse the “blame” on their partner, and/or try to seem innocent.

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For instance, if your partner had made the complaint about not taking the bin bag out we mentioned earlier, a defensive person might say, “I’ve been busy making money to finance the holiday you wanted. Why did you look at an overflowing bin and not simply take it out?”

It can be a natural enough response to criticism, the GI said, and “will only escalate the conflict if the critical spouse does not back down or apologise.”

Taking responsibility and apologising can go a long way to reducing the harm here.

4) Stonewalling

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Often a response to contempt, “stonewalling” involves one partner simply withdrawing from their partner and refusing to talk to them.

They might act busy, turn away, or tune out. It can happen because the other three “horsemen” are overwhelming, and can become a hard habit to break once it’s been formed.

If you want to break the habit, try taking a short, soothing break, like reading for 20 minutes, before returning for a fully present discussion.

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