Playing It Cool When Dating Is Out, According To Research

When I was dating, I found ‘playing it cool’ impossibly hard. In fact, I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t understand the dance of chasing somebody, getting a date, and then pretending I didn’t care what happened next. I wanted another date! Dating is fun! Why would I pretend I wasn’t interested in this?

Needless to say, this did put people off. What I saw as natural enthusiasm for dating and having fun, my potential suitors saw as a little too intense, potentially needy and a bit ‘much’.

To be fair, I did ask somebody why he hadn’t kissed me yet towards the end of a date. Which is a little much by some standards.

I did try to tone down this ‘muchness’ and tried to make myself a more ‘cool’ person to date but ultimately, I am a big softie! I like having fun and if I’m falling for somebody, I want them to know. I’ve always loved loudly and in the end, my open-hearted ways did result in the relationship I’m in now so I was on to something!

Lauren, a writer from Glasgow says: “On my first coffee date with my now-husband, I remember specifically saying to him ‘I’m going to kiss you now’ once we were in his car.

“On our fifth date, I said to him ’you know that feeling when you’re falling in love with somebody, isn’t that really great?”

I love it. So bold and in this case, worth it. He replied to her admission saying “oh yeah, I’m already there.”

Johnny, the host of Just A State of Mind podcast confesses that he and his girlfriend Laurene, “Can’t go five minutes without calling each other “chaton” (kitten in French) or “bébé chat” baby kitten in French).

According to research from dating app Hinge, people are now embracing being open-hearted when dating. Hinge found that in 2025, searches for “chalant” – the opposite of nonchalant – jumped 217%, reflecting daters’ desire for enthusiasm, intention, and emotional availability.

Hinge says: “People are ready for romance and the vulnerability it takes to get there!”

Can I just say it’s about time. The world is on fire! Embrace joy where you find it!

Now, this Valentine’s Day, Hinge is encouraging people to lean into being ‘chalant’ by sending voice notes, especially if they’re in early dating stages.

“Valentine’s Day has a way of amplifying uncertainty in early dating,” says Logan Ury, Hinge’s Lead Relationship Scientist. “Voice notes help cut through that by adding tone, warmth, and effort. Hearing someone’s voice makes the connection feel more human, without turning it into a big, defining conversation.”

Some people love a voice note, some hate them but according to Hinge’s research, they are rising in popularity. In fact, in 2025, there was a 34% increase in voice notes sent on Hinge between February 1 through February 14, compared to the same time period in 2024.

If you are a little nervous about getting into voice notes, the dating experts have created a voice note guide for daters to get you started.