Taking my mum to Italy helped us both grieve, and laugh, again

There was a time when I thought my mother would never laugh again.

It would be an understatement to say that after my father’s death ended their enviably contented 43-year marriage, she lost her sparkle.

Our family GP suggested that a change of scenery could help with the grief. My mother, a sweet but steely Irishwoman in her 70s, did not agree.

But eventually, whether we want it to or not, time becomes a healer.

It has been almost four years since my father died.

And for the past three of those, I have managed to convince my mother to come on holiday with me: just once a year, just for a few days, and just, if we’re honest with ourselves, to shut me up.

It can be upsetting, but Dr Anna Batho, an NHS clinical psychologist, tells me there are many benefits to travelling with a parent after their partner has passed away.

‘Travel can help them step out of their role as ‘widowed’ and back into the identity they knew before,’ she says.

‘Perhaps they were a real foodie who loved discovering cuisines, perhaps they were the organised one who took on big-trip planning.

‘That person is still there and they can reconnect with that.’

Travel can be a healthy distraction from the day-to-day slog of grief, adds Dr Jeff Gardere, clinical psychologist at Touro University.

‘When a person is grieving, they can become quite isolated and their interests in the outside world become much narrower. Travel interrupts that cycle. It activates different parts of the brain to absorb and express positive emotions,’ he says.

Travel is also, in its way, a tribute.

‘You both get to honour the person who has died by enjoying the life that sadly, they cannot,’ Dr Batho explains.

My mother doesn’t ‘do’ social media, and I have reason to believe that revealing her name to an audience of strangers could result in immediate disinheritance.

So from here on out, we’ll just call her Mam.

This year, on the back of a newfound fitness addiction that compels her to attend aqua aerobics and a variety of gym classes almost every day, I had new criteria to meet.

We needed a short-haul destination that offered good food, rest and relaxation, but also activities.

I researched much as one might for a holiday with a dog. Because on top of her exercise classes, Mam routinely walks 20,000 steps a day.

There had to be trails, paths, and plenty of them.

During said research, I received an invitation to review Palazzo di Varignana, a resort in the Bolognese hills of northern Italy.

I saw that The Telegraph had included it as one of the best holidays for your health in 2025, so I checked it out.

Not only does it have a sprawling spa complete with a hammam, Finnish sauna, and something called a face gym, there is a driving range; tennis and padel courts; e-bikes; several swimming pools and a saltwater crystal pool to boot.

There is a vineyard, a Roman Amphitheatre and an exquisitely restored 1921 royal train carriage where you can gorge on a seven-course feast.

As far as the eye can see, the whole caboodle is enveloped by landscaped gardens, elegant terraces and verdant countryside crisscrossed with – you guessed it – plenty of paths.

Mam, I knew, would be in her element. I’d just have to keep up.

Palazzo di Varignana is about 30 minutes by car from Bologna in the heart of Emilia Romagna, Italy’s ‘food valley’.

The scenery is spectacular: rolling hills dotted with medieval castles and undulating plains of fertile land.

As we cruise up the driveway, both Mam and I are impressed.

There are 150 bedrooms, including a recently renovated two-bedroom suite perfect for families, plus six larger villas close by that would be great for a hen.

Interiors are slick and unfussy; the aforementioned gardens, glorious.

All of it sprawls around an 18th-century villa on an immaculately manicured 30-acre estate.

It is, genuinely, just a beautiful place to be.

And if it sounds aspirational, it’s probably less so than you imagine. Rooms start from £250 a night, breakfast and spa access included.

When I think of what I’ve spent on a grubby bed at Luton Airport…

Mam hits the ground running. We cycle. We swim. We even try a golf lesson, during which she tells instructor Luca that he’s not the first person to say she has no wrist action.

I’m not sure she knows how that could be interpreted. Some things are better left unsaid.

We walk. We swim. We stuff ourselves to bursting at the resort’s five restaurants.

Our fine dining experience in Treno Reale, the one inside the vintage train carriage, is the star of the show.

Mam texts our family WhatsApp to say the dessert, a decadent slab gianduja, praline and raspberry sorbet, is now part of her death row meal.

We taste wine. We have aperitivi in the evenings.

But more than any of that, we talk about my dad and how much he would have enjoyed it all.

A lunch to remember

Many come to Palazzo di Varignana for high-end health retreats curated by Dr Annamaria Acquaviva, a multihyphenate dietician-nutritionist-pharmacist who is also an expert in mindfulness.

We have lunch with the good Doctor at Gingko, a ‘longevity restaurant’ whose menu she designed to ‘help guests live longer’.

With pride, she tells us that everything we’re eating is anti-inflammatory, low-FODMAP, gluten-free, dairy-free and free of refined carbohydrates, inspired by the Mediterranean diet, balanced in macronutrients and enriched with antioxidant phytochemicals.

At one point, a waiter arrives with plush black blindfolds which Dr Annamaria insists we all wear to ‘eat mindfully and consider what we are putting in our bodies’.

She advises us to chew each bite ‘around 30 times’.

Mam, I can tell, is not convinced.

Of course she is unfailingly polite and to the outside gaze, totally engaged.

But this is my mother, a no-nonsense Irishwoman raised on potatoes, butter and whatever could be found at the back of the cupboard.

I know what she’s thinking: ‘What a load of *****’.

After a lengthy education about sleep, superfoods and brain chemistry, I ask Dr Annamaria to tell us the most important thing we should do if we want to live to 100.

‘Laugh,’ she says.

I wasn’t expecting that.

A few days after we get home, Mam and I are sitting on the sofa.

Out of nowhere, she bursts into uproarious laughter, her face red and eyes brimming with tears of delight.

‘What?’ I ask, amused.

‘Remember the lunch with the blindfolds,’ she says, and the two of us are cackling, lost to the ridiculousness of the memory.

Which leads us on to several other ridiculous memories, most of them involving my dad.

Turns out Dr Annamaria is right: laughter really is the best medicine.

Alice Murphy was a guest of Palazzo di Varignana, but don’t expect us to sugarcoat anything — our reviews are 100% independent.

Rooms at Palazzo di Varignana start from €289 (approx £250) per night based on two people sharing. This includes breakfast and three hours access to the spa.

For best rates, book through the website.

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