The ‘Biggest Misconception’ About Lonely People

You might have heard of the “loneliness epidemic”, which the World Health Organisation has dubbed a “global public health concern”.

Over nine million people in the UK say they feel lonely all or most of the time, the Red Cross reports.

But stigma around loneliness, and in turn lonely people, remains.

Speaking to HuffPost UK, psychologist and CEO of Male Allies UK, Lee Chambers, said: “Loneliness isn’t always understood well. People tend to fall into lazy stereotypes based on what we expect a lonely person to be”.

Here, he shared what we get wrong about lonely people:

“The biggest misconception when it comes to loneliness is that it happens to a certain type of person,” Chambers told us.

“Loneliness doesn’t have a type, and it can affect anyone. You can feel lonely even when you are surrounded by people.”

Sometimes, he added, life transitions like divorce, parenthood, retirement, or changing jobs can bring it about. It can reach all demographics and personality types.

“Like with many associated challenges, men are less likely to speak about it or seek help and support. And research shows that both younger and older adults report the highest levels of loneliness, but there are differences in why they feel it,” Chambers explained.

“The societal expectation that personality traits dictate loneliness are a distraction, it’s about meaningful connection, not whether your extroverted or introverted. And we need to be mindful of those care for others and those who lead, as they are often seen as the supporter rather than needing support.”

Additionally, he continued, loneliness is not always the same as being alone.

“The quality of your relationships matter a lot more than the quantity, and in the modern world we live in, social contact is becoming less, spaces to build relationship depth are more scarce and many people are searching for meaningful connection and somewhere to belong.

“Loneliness is much more to do with peoples life circumstances and the social structures around them, and much less to do with individual personalities.”

Chambers said that he thinks tackling the issue will prove “tough”, adding that he thinks we need more physical spaces to connect in person.

This, he thinks, may make our interactions with one another feel less transactional.

The psychologist, who runs a gender bias consultancy, added: “82% of the boys we surveyed said there were not enough spaces for them to play and connect in. We need these spaces in communities and in workplaces, and space at work to build deeper relationships…

“Normalising conversations around the topic also makes it easier for people to share what they are feeling. Something I’m passionate about is small moments of connection, rather than just waiting for big occasions, and moving from [focusing on the] number of friends to meaningful friendships.

“And finally, a powerful antidote to loneliness is belonging, and we can all be a part of inviting people in, and creating spaces where people feel welcome.”