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The Dark Side Of Trying To Adopt That Rarely Gets Talked About

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The Dark Side Of Trying To Adopt That Rarely Gets Talked About

His name was Henry. A beautiful baby boy, born in a San Diego hospital in February.

Once we got the call from our adoption agency that Henry’s birth mother was in labour, my husband and I grabbed our go-bag, jumped into our car, and drove throughout the night – over 400 miles from San Francisco to San Diego – arriving just in time to witness his birth and cut the umbilical cord.

By 3am, I was living the greatest moment of my life, holding him in my arms for his first skin-to-skin, feeling his first few breaths in rhythm with mine. I can relive those 16 minutes over and over again; it was the happiest I’ve ever been.

I was finally a father. This was the baby we’d been waiting for, and the awful, ridiculous, painful adoption journey that we’d been on for the past four years was coming to an end.

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The next day, his birth mother signed off on her rights, giving us her blessing to care for her child moving forward. We were cleared to leave the hospital with our new baby.

It wasn’t long, however, before we got a call from our social worker informing us that the father of the baby had come back just to contest the adoption. He did not want two “f*****s” to raise his son.

For the brief time we had Henry, I called one lawyer after another, looking for any way to keep custody. The answer was the same: “Right now you’re a glorified babysitter and if the baby’s father is unwilling to sign his rights, you have to give the baby back. Otherwise, you’ll be arrested for kidnapping.”

A few days later, I was handing Henry back to his mom and grandmother. The baby’s father was nowhere to be found. Henry gripped my thumb one last time before he was put into their car, my heart going with him.

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We never saw Henry again. I wouldn’t wish the pain and suffering on anyone.

My husband and I have still barely recovered from losing Henry, but that wasn’t the end of our attempts to adopt. We tried for four more years after that, before officially calling it quits in 2024.

In total, that’s eight grueling years of background checks, financial and medical evaluations, home visits and interviews, parenting classes and Baby CPR and First Aid certifications, over $50,000 out of pocket for social workers and lawyers, and so many painful failed matches with birth mothers.

This is the dark side of private adoption that rarely gets discussed publicly. Just keep waiting, just keep paying, and maybe a birth mother will choose you and you’ll get to be a parent.

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This disproportionately affects the LGBTQ+ community. There are 2.57 million LGBTQ+ adults in the U.S. parenting children, and same-sex couples are seven times more likely to adopt and 10 times more likely to foster than non-same-sex couples.

Adopting from the nonprofit foster care system is theoretically more accessible, but four in 10 (41%) LGBT adults disagree or strongly disagree that it’s equally accessible to everyone, regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation. And more than a third of LGBT adults say the discrimination they may face within the foster care system is a major barrier between them and a child who needs a home.

In 2024, after eight years of trying to prove again and again that we were good enough to be parents, we had nothing to show for it but heartache and regret. We didn’t have eight more years to waste.

So, we started considering IVF and surrogacy instead. For two gay men, that path meant finding an egg donor, fertilizing the eggs in a lab with our own DNA, and then finding a gestational surrogate willing to carry the pregnancy for us. Each step has its own medical process, its own contract and its own bill.

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IVF and surrogacy together cost over $150,000 – or three times what we had invested in adoption – with no guarantee it would work the first time, or the third. Even the insurance plans that readily cover fertility treatment for heterosexual couples declined to cover it for us.

Still, I’m reignited with new hope. Sen. Tammy Duckworth (D-Ill.), alongside other Senate Democrats, recently reintroduced the Right to IVF Act. Initially introduced in 2024, but blocked by Senate Republicans, the legislation would establish a nationwide right to access IVF, lower costs and require insurance plans to cover the process.

Senate Republicans argued that mandating IVF coverage would raise insurance premiums and burden small employers. This despite Trump and his administration pushing for more births in order to combat the plummeting U.S. fertility rate. Instead, as an incentive to have more children, the same administration built a $1,000 “baby bonus” into last year’s tax bill,

What that doesn’t account for is a family like mine, still fighting just for the opportunity to have a child. My husband and I don’t need $1,000 deposited after a birth. We needed help affording the birth itself.

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Starting this year, in my home state of California, a new state law will require insurance to cover IVF, which is a welcome and meaningful step. Unfortunately, the mandate stops short of covering gestational surrogates, which means male couples could still be paying close to $100,000 out of pocket for that service.

If a state as committed to LGBTQ+ families as California didn’t close that gap, no state can be counted on to do it on its own. Congress needs to show up for families like mine and expand the Right to IVF Act to mandate coverage of gestational surrogacy nationwide.

For my family, and for so many LGBTQ+ families, the difference between a bill that helps you have a child and a bonus that only rewards you once you already have one isn’t an abstract policy fight. It’s the difference between building the family we’ve spent nearly a decade trying to build, or being priced out of parenthood entirely – again.

My husband and I still carry the dream we glimpsed for 16 minutes in a San Diego hospital room. I don’t know if IVF will be what finally gets us there. But I do know that parenthood should be accessible to everyone, including the thousands of LGBTQ+ people who are fighting for laws that include our families.

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Ryyn Schumacher is a Ventura City Councilmember and the Chief of Strategy and Communications for the County of Santa Barbara Health Department. He is a Public Voices Fellow on Public Health with The OpEd Project and Blue Shield of California Foundation.

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York’s best pubs with highly rated beer gardens revealed

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York's best pubs with highly rated beer gardens revealed

To help you find the best beer garden in your area, you might check reviews on Tripadvisor to see what locals recommend.

If you live in York or are visiting the city for a day, three pubs have made it into the 50 best-rated pubs with beer gardens in the UK on Tripadvisor.

Here are the three York pubs that are must-visits on a hot summery day.

The Lendal Cellars has cosy indoor seating as well. (Image: Tripadvisor)

Best pubs with beer gardens in York

Ye Olde Starre Inne

This pub was built in 1644 and is believed to be the oldest pub in York and was used as a hospital in the English Civil War.

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Now it is a popular choice for drinks and a meal while sitting in the little courtyard beer garden.

The pub has a four out of five rating from 1,650 reviews with people saying it’s very “charming” with “excellent” food.

One reviewer said: “Hidden behind one of the main shopping streets this Inn has great food and drinks.

“It is right in the heart of York and definitely one to visit.”

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Lendal Cellars

Lendal Cellars has a rich history and outdoor space with tables where you can have some small plates or a pub classic dish.

Not only is there a beer garden, but you can also enjoy your pint in the cosy cellar with exposed brick walls and archways.

People love the “quirky” pub thanks to its “friendly” atmosphere and range of cocktails.

The Old Bank

The Old Bank offers a range of facilities including pool tables, dart board, board games, and foosball as well as events like quiz nights and bingo.

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The Old Bank has a cute little courtyard with fairy lights and plants dotted around where you can enjoy a cocktail, beer, or simple soft drink during your visit.

The pub also offers a range of food from fish and chips and pizzas, to curries and loaded fries.

One reviewer on Tripadvisor said: “We had such a lovely time at Old Bank!

“The atmosphere was welcoming and relaxed, and the drinks were excellent.

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“Our server, Isabelle, really made the experience special – she was so friendly, attentive, and genuinely made us feel looked after.



“It’s always nice when staff go that extra mile, and she did exactly that.

“We’ll definitely be coming back again soon!”

What is your favourite beer garden in York? Let us know in the comments.

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How to watch Bulls vs New Zealand – TV channel and kick-off time

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Wales Online

The All Blacks face one final test before taking on South Africa in Johannesburg – here’s how to watch

New Zealand face one final challenge before their four-match Test series with the Springboks gets underway, as they take on the Bulls in Pretoria on Saturday evening.

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The All Blacks remain unbeaten on their tour of South Africa so far, with an opening 21-38 win over the Stormers in Cape Town followed by an emphatic 54-0 nilling of the Sharks in Durban earlier this week. But Dave Rennie’s side will be keen to finish their first run of franchise matches in similar style, with the Springboks awaiting them in Johannesburg next weekend.

Here’s everything you need to know to watch Saturday’s clash…

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What time is Bulls v New Zealand?

Bulls v New Zealand kicks off at 6pm BST (7pm local time) on Saturday, August 15, at Loftus Versfeld, Pretoria

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What channel is Bulls v New Zealand on?

Bulls v New Zealand is being broadcast on Sky Sports Mix.

Coverage begins at 5.45pm.

What about live streaming?

You can stream Bulls v New Zealand via the Sky Go app

Bulls v New Zealand teams

Bulls: 15. Willie le Roux, 14. Thaakir Abrahams, 13. Stedman Gans, 12. Harold Vortster, 11. Stravino Jacobs, 10. Curwin Bosch, 9. Embrose Papier, 8. Jeandre Rudolph, 7. Hanro Liebenberg, 6. Marcell Coetzee (captain), 5. JF van Heerden, 4. Ruan Vermaak, 3. Francois Klopper, 2. Juann Else, 1. Alu Tshakweni.

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Replacements: 16. Johan Grobbelaar, 17. Sti Sithole, 18. Khuta Mchunu, 19. Reinhardt Ludwig, 20. Elrigh Louw, 21. Paul de Wet, 22. Katlego Letebele, 23. Hakeem Kunene.

New Zealand: 15. Beauden Barrett, 14. Leroy Carter, 13. Rieko Ioane, 12. Anton Lienert-Brown, 11. Josh Moorby, 10. Josh Jacomb, 9 .Cortez Ratima, 8. Peter Lakai, 7. Anton Segner, 6. Simon Parker, 5. Patrick Tuipulotu, 4. Fabian Holland, 3. Tyrel Lomax, 2. Codie Taylor (capt), 1 . Xavier Numia

Replacements: 16. Samisoni Taukei’aho, 17. George Bower, 18. Siale Lauaki, 19. Josh Lord, 20. Wallace Sititi, 21. Kyle Preston, 22. Timoci Tavatavanawai, 23. Emoni Narawa

Bulls v New Zealand referees

Referee: Nika Amashukeli (GRU)

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Assistant Referee 1: Karl Dickson (RFU)

Assistant Referee 2: Matthew Carley (RFU)

TMO: Eric Gauzins (FFR)

FPRO: Mike Adamson (SRU)

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Heathrow flooding – live: Airport passengers warned ‘don’t travel by road’

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Daily Mirror

A statement from Heathrow Airport on X reads: “Flooding in the central terminal area has resulted in on-going road closures restricting access to Terminals 2 and 3.

“Passengers travelling to or from either of these terminals today must not travel by road. Passengers are strongly advised to use Heathrow Express, Elizabeth Line and Piccadilly Line rail services where possible.

“Any passengers that must travel by car must use Park and Ride, head to Terminals 4 or 5 and take free rail services from there, or change at local rail stations. Please allow extra time for your journey. Our teams are working to resolve the situation as quickly as possible, we apologise for any disruption caused.”

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Premier League: Why clubs are targeting EFL academy players

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Antoine Semenyo (left) and Eberechi Eze's (right)

There is no uniform approach to youth development among Premier League clubs.

International Centre for Sports Studies (CIES) figures for 2025-26 show club-trained players accounted for 16.2% of Manchester City‘s Premier League minutes, followed by Chelsea on 15.5% and Brighton on 12.5%.

CIES defines a club-trained player as someone registered with their current club for at least three full seasons, or 36 months, between the ages of 15 and 21. That means an 18-year-old recruited from an EFL academy can still go on to qualify as club-trained if he spends the next three seasons with his new Premier League club.

At the other end of the scale, Tottenham‘s club-trained players accounted for just 0.1% of league minutes, while Bournemouth, Brentford and Burnley were all at zero.

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Recruiting from EFL and Scottish academies therefore offers another way of building that development pipeline.

Rather than relying solely on players who have been with a club since childhood, a Premier League side can identify somebody developed elsewhere, bring them into their under-21 structure at 17, 18 or 19 and take responsibility for the final stages of their development.

The numbers do not yet show a relentless increase. There were 18 such moves in 2023-24, meaning this summer’s 14 cannot be described as unprecedented.

But the concentration of 18-year-olds and League One players suggests clubs are becoming increasingly precise about the market they are targeting.

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For EFL clubs, that raises questions over how long their best youngsters can realistically be retained.

For Premier League clubs, the calculation is different. The next Watkins, Eze, Wharton or Semenyo may already be somewhere further down the pyramid. The challenge is finding them before everybody else does.

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York field fire believed to have started by self-combustion

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York field fire believed to have started by self-combustion

Crews were called to incidents in Northallerton, Acomb, Monk Fryston, York, Selby and Scarborough, with several alerts found to involve supervised barbecues or braziers.

One fire in a York field was believed to have started after a pile of leaves and organic matter self-combusted.

A crew from Northallerton responded to reports of smoke at about 7.08pm, which turned out to be a supervised barbecue.

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An hour later, Acomb firefighters were called to a similar incident involving a brazier. However, due to embers coming from it, the crew extinguished the fire using a hose.

A crew from Selby responded to reports of smoke coming from a controlled burn in the Monk Fryston area at 8.14pm, which turned out to be a false alarm.

Later, at 8.39pm, York firefighters responded to a fire in a field.

The fire turned out to be a pile of leaves and organic matter, which was believed to have caught fire due to self-combustion. Crews used a hose to dampen down the area.

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At 9.04pm, Scarborough firefighters were called to a fire in the rear garden of a property in Eastfield.

This turned out to be a controlled burn in a brazier and advice was given to the person in attendance.

At around 9.12pm, York firefighters were called to another garden fire.

This was also a small fire in a brazier, under supervision, and advice was given.

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At 4.39am, York firefighters responded to an automatic fire alarm activation, which turned out to be a false alarm.

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At least 14 dead after 7.7-magnitude earthquake strikes Indonesia

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A map showing the location of the Indonesian earthquake

The shallower an earthquake is, the more destructive its effects on the surface tend to be.

Strong aftershocks were felt in the same area, including one with a magnitude of 6.1.

Video taken at the port in Maumere showed large chunks of concrete breaking off the terminal building onto passengers waiting to board an inter-island ferry. Some were thrown into the sea when the gangway to a ship collapsed.

Emanuel Melkiades Laka Lena, governor of East Nusa Tenggara province, told a news conference that they were killed in their sleep by collapsing rubble.

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Arnold Welianto, who lives in Talibura, a village near the coastline in Sikka, East Nusa Tenggara, said he was awoken by the “very strong shaking”, adding: “I was startled awake and immediately went to my child’s room.”

He told the BBC that many people had already fled into the hills.

“Some other residents were standing along the roadside because the sea had also receded,” he explained. “The water remained low for quite some time, so everyone panicked and ran – I went around to the community health centre, and the people there had already been evacuated.”

A tsunami warning was issued but lifted around three hours after the initial jolt when no significant sea level rise was detected.

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A stream of people could be seen moving inland on motorbikes after authorities issued a tsunami warning. BNPB said 2,000 people had evacuated or relocated on their own.

It said three fatalities had been recorded in Sikka province, six in Manggarai province, and five in East Manggarai province.

At least two others had been seriously injured and 11 slightly injured, the disaster agency added.

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Horoscope today: Your daily guide for Saturday, August 15, 2026

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Horoscope today: Your daily guide for Sunday, April 5, 2026

Aries (March 21st – April 20th)

Today gives you a chance to shine naturally. Mercury meets Jupiter in Leo, and the exhibitionist in you comes to the fore. A bold idea or spontaneous comment surprises and delights. Confidence grows when you stop explaining yourself. Speak or act with flair, and others notice.

Taurus (April 21st – May 21st)

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Small gestures of warmth create a ripple effect. You notice that people respond more to sincerity than showmanship. What you tolerate quietly teaches people how to treat you, Taurus. Use patience to guide conversation today.

Gemini (May 22nd – June 21st)

Your words carry weight today, and timing is everything. Mercury meets Jupiter in Leo and big ideas feel even bigger than usual. The right choice feels calmer, not louder. Pause, consider, and then act. The future is yours to write from today.

Cancer (June 22nd – July 23rd)

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The exhibitionist in you is subtle but magnetic. You may want to be noticed for talents rarely shared. Confidence grows when you stop explaining yourself. Even a small act of flair changes how others perceive you. Texts tell lies regarding work rumours.

Leo (July 24th – August 23rd)

Everything about today encourages boldness. Mercury meets Jupiter in your sign, and the exhibitionist in you steps forward. Life improves when effort goes where appreciation lives. This is your moment to act with style, not apology.

Virgo (August 24th – September 23rd)

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Quiet observation gives you an edge today, my friend. You notice what others miss while Mercury meets Jupiter in Leo. New faces make your path a more interesting path, if you follow your gut instincts. Patience and timing turn small insights into advantages professionally.

Libra (September 24th – October 23rd)

Social energy runs high today. The exhibitionist in you may feel a spark of curiosity or playfulness. What you tolerate quietly teaches people how to treat you. Choose wisely where to show enthusiasm and where to stay composed.

Scorpio (October 24th – November 22nd)

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Big ideas can move forward quietly. Mercury meets Jupiter in Leo, but you don’t need to shout to be heard. Confidence grows when you stop explaining yourself. A subtle suggestion to older faces in your life has more impact than a loud claim.

Sagittarius (November 23rd – December 21st)

Opportunities appear when you step out of routine. The exhibitionist in you enjoys attention but can use it wisely. Not every delay is a denial, some things need you ready first. Trust instincts before leaping in love. You have no valid reason to rush.

Capricorn (December 22nd – January 20th)

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Professional matters gain momentum today. Mercury meets Jupiter in Leo, and careful timing makes your actions more noticeable. The right choice feels calmer, not louder. Small strategic moves bring recognition without noise.

Aquarius (January 21st – February 19th)

Connections flourish when you speak honestly. The exhibitionist in you emerges subtly and your personality draws attention without effort. Life improves when effort goes where appreciation lives, my friend. Show restraint and authenticity in talks you can’t get out of today.

Pisces (February 20th – March 20th)

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A creative spark emerges today, Pisces. Mercury meets Jupiter in Leo, giving confidence to express what you usually keep private, or felt you had to. Legal links go in your sign’s favour at this time. Sharing your ideas opens doors.

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*Astro line horoscopes are updated every Thursday. Calls cost 65p per minute plus your telephone company’s network access charge and will last approximately five minutes. You must be over 18 and have the bill payer’s permission. Service provided by Spoke. Customer service: 0333 202 3390

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Cambridge University college wants to expand and renovate ‘outdated’ boathouse

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Cambridgeshire Live

The original boathouse dates back to 1900

A Cambridge University college is looking to expand its boathouse. Clare College’s boathouse was constructed between around 1900.

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Located on the River Cam near Cutter Ferry Lane, it is home to Clare Boat Club and Clare Hall Boat Club. The college said that the 120-year-old building has become “outdated”.

As a result, Clare College plans to extend and renovate the boathouse. In documents explaining the plans, it said that a workshop that is part of the building has “deteriorated”. There is also a “lack of insulation” and “unsatisfactory” shower and changing facilities.

The college also said there is “subsidence on the hard landscaping”, as well as “cracking” brickwork. The plans to renovate and expand, if approved, will make “major improvements” to access, the documents said.

They added: “[There will be] protected and safer indoor racking for boats currently stored outside. Increased access to gym facilities for all three rowing clubs. Spacious and modern changing facilities, suitable for any future junior rowers in town rowing clubs.”

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If approved, the college hopes to “echo and complement” the design of the original boathouse from 1900. It would use materials including darker-toned brick and zinc.

Clare College is currently holding a public consultation to gain the public’s views on the plans. The college is holding two events to give people a chance to view the plans.

These will be held on: Saturday, August 15, from 11am until 1pm and Thursday, September 3, from 7pm until 9pm. These will be held at the boathouse in Cutter Ferry Lane, CB1 1JN.

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Keely Hodgkinson: Great Britain’s Olympic champion ready for fight against fresh rivals

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Keely Hodgkinson in a crown with her coaches in the background

Werro survived an almighty scare on Thursday when she suffered a nasty fall in her semi-final, before later being reinstated in the competition.

Recovering impressively both physically and mentally from that shock, she showed great maturity to hold off Hodgkinson in the tense closing stages – while breaking a championship record that had stood since 1982.

“I knew I could be European champion one day. I hope to be faster and faster next year,” Werro said.

“When I was a child, my dad used to tell me I have to be a lion. I shouldn’t be shy and let other athletes go past me, so I decided to do a celebration with that when I crossed the line.”

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In claiming her first senior international title, Werro has proven she is ready to rival the Briton for the sport’s biggest prizes for years to come.

“Audrey Werro is still young and that was a huge amount of pressure, even without the fall and the bruising,” former marathon world record holder Paula Radcliffe told BBC TV.

“She pulled it together and took the race by the scruff of the neck, which I think Keely did intend for her to do – but she thought she could come back at her.

“Werro just had another gear.”

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Hodgkinson jokingly removed her medal in disgust when asked how she felt after the final.

Despite her disappointment, this was her 12th senior international medal and she continues to progress her times, lowering her personal best in all but her injury-devastated 2025 season across the past four years.

Hodgkinson has long maintained that she has felt the world record is within her reach.

Going forward, she will be aware that may soon be required just to win the titles she craves.

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Rory McIlroy on course to break prize money record – but rival could beat him to it

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Belfast Live

The six-time major champion has every chance of eclipsing 15-time major champion Woods on the all-time PGA Tour earnings list.

Rory McIlroy has the opportunity to surpass the great Tiger Woods in the coming weeks – but one of his biggest rivals might beat him to it.

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McIlroy is competing in the FedEx Cup playoffs this month, with huge prize money on offer for the world’s best players.

The Holywood star’s career earnings on the PGA Tour currently stand at a whopping $116,446,772.

And he has every chance of eclipsing 15-time major champion Woods on the all-time PGA Tour earnings list.

Woods, arguably the greatest golfer in history, currently leads the way with $120,999,166 to his name.

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But McIlroy is just $4,552,394 behind Woods, a gap the 37-year-old could easily bridge this month.

This week at the FedEx St. Jude Championship in Memphis, players are competing for a $3.6million first prize before playing for the same amount at the BMW Championship in Missouri next week.

And if McIlroy has not surpassed Woods by then, he will have a huge opportunity at the season-ending Tour Championship later this month, where the winner will pocket $10million.

However, McIlroy could well be beaten to the punch by current world No.1 Scottie Scheffler.

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Despite being seven years McIlroy’s junior, Scheffler has been the dominant player in world golf during a period in which prize money on the PGA Tour has skyrocketed.

The American has competed in just 167 PGA Tour events but trails McIlroy on the all-time earnings list by less than $100,000.

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