Thin walls? The 11 best quiet sex toys to use discreetly when you’re stuck in a flatshare

Nothing is more of a turn-off than worrying you’re going to be overheard when you’re having some ‘alone time’.

With the laughably horrific London rental market and the likelihood of buying a property in the city ever-dwindling, the chances of having a neighbour, flatmate, or — heaven forbid — family member catching wind of the fact you’re getting down to business have never been higher.

Ever creative, Gen Z (who are living at home for longer) has turned to having sex in bathrooms, cars, and hotel rooms to avoid that awkward possibility entirely. But if you’re lucky enough to be having any sex at all in this economy and don’t fancy doing it al fresco, there are other options. Don’t let the housing crisis get in your pants! Whether you’re playing solo or with a partner, there are ways to do it without rattling the walls.

Quiet sex toys are a great way of getting off worry-free, resident sexologist at sexual wellness brand SheSpot, Emily King, explains. “Quiet sex toys are a great option for anyone with more limited privacy; students, those living with parents, parents living with children, even those living in flats who are mindful of walls on the thin side”.

While you have nature’s tools at your disposal, using them can come with limitations. We can all recognise the sound of a clapping cheek or a squeaking bed frame in an instant. And, let’s be honest, for most people with vulvas, penetrative sex is not always enough to get over the finish line.

But adding in a sex toy is almost pointless if it makes a noise so deafening that it distracts you from the task at hand. “The promise of a quiet toy helps people to experience more relaxed pleasure as they aren’t overly focused on loud noises,” King adds. “They can offer relief and help people stay in their bodies rather than their minds during sex. Louder toys can cause anxiety around being overheard and therefore can disrupt arousal.”

We all have enough on our minds, so investing in a quiet (or best case, silent) toy could dissolve stress in more ways than one.

“Quiet toys often come with a lower buzz, even on higher/stronger settings,” King explains. “Silent sex toys offer even less noise, often described as ‘whisper quiet’ if they’re vibration or suction based toys. There are lots of non-vibrating toys which are completely silent.”

For an added layer of reassurance, you can also experiment with switching up how and where you use your sex toy, King suggests. “Create an environment and space that supports your comfort and sense of ease as this will contribute to less anxiety around being heard,” she says. “Music can help to buffer any sound, and making sure your space is secured can contribute to increased relaxation.

Other rooms such as the bathroom can offer more privacy due to locked doors and sound buffers such as running water. Lots of toys are waterproof and can be used in the bath or shower. Look for toys that offer ‘whisper quiet’ or ‘discreet’ in their descriptions.”

As well as assessing for the obvious pleasure factor, I tested each toy for noise levels by using them in a variety of locations, including under duvets and blankets, and in the shower — both with a partner and alone.

To double check no one could overhear, I turned the toys on and left them over the covers on my bed before standing outside my room to see if I could hear them. Each toy has been given a ‘noise rating’, with one being inescapably cacophonous and 10 being undetectable to the naked ear.