5 Common Sex-Ed Questions Teens Want Answered

Talking about sex with your children can be hard. It can feel awkward, and therefore it can be easier to just skip it altogether.

But young people tell us that they wish their parents were able to talk to them more about these topics – and to answer the questions that they have.

Young people are curious, and sex ed at school is outdated, so often they have no option but to look elsewhere, which can lead to them stumbling across misinformation in the black hole that is the internet.

At Fumble, we share sex ed content that’s written by young people for young people. Here are some of our most-asked questions – and how to go about answering them if your teen plucks up the courage to ask.

Consent is more topical than ever, and it’s something that concerns young people a lot. We often get asked: if people find it hard to say ‘no’, how can you be sure the person you’re intimate with definitely wants to be?

A clear ‘yes’ is the absolute minimum, but even if they have that, having open, frequent discussions with their partner about how they want to communicate and give consent will help them be sure they’re both happy.

Comfortable, communicative intimacy is the best, most pleasurable, and safest type for everyone involved. Encourage them to give their partner opportunities to say ‘no’ indirectly, by suggesting alternatives to sex, too.

Many young people find it hard to talk about STIs, as parents and teachers only tend to talk about safe sex, and often STIs are unnecessarily stigmatised. But the fact is, STIs are very common, and having one doesn’t mean the person has done anything wrong.

Being tested regularly for STIs is a great habit to be in, regardless of whether you are having unprotected sex.

As a general rule, everyone should get tested before each new sexual partner (ideally with their partner tested, too) and once a year. They should get tested sooner if they’ve developed symptoms or had unprotected sex.

Want to help your young person do this in practice? Help them book in at their GP, or check out online and remote sexual health check providers. Most STIs can be treated with antibiotics or managed by the person, so it’s best to know as early as possible.

It is way more common to feel guilty or blue after sex than we usually acknowledge, especially if it’s a new experience.

Sex is a physical, psychological and emotional experience with heightened intimacy and intensity. When that stops, it’s perfectly natural to feel a little sad. There are sometimes other reasons why they might be feeling down, for example, they weren’t ready for it, it wasn’t with the right person, or it wasn’t what they were expecting.

Reassure them that that’s okay. Let them know that these feelings usually pass and encourage them to talk to their partner.

Often, young people can feel awkward about telling an adult, so just being there and not judging can help. This is where having built up trust and open dialogue with your child over the longer term is really important. For tips on how to do that as a parent, head to our free masterclass.

When it comes to sex, arousal and pleasure, there is a lot of focus on the penis and erections, so it can feel like this is the only way to tell if a boy is aroused. But there are actually lots of gender-neutral signs of arousal.

These can include rising blood pressure and heart rate, breathing becoming heavier, flushed cheeks, positive sounds of enjoyment, and smiling or voicing enjoyment.

Erogenous zones are areas that feel sensitive and can create a sexual response when touched. This includes genitals, but also for both men and women can include the neck, ears, nipples and back.

Remind them that even if someone is visibly aroused, that doesn’t mean they consent to sex or sexual intimacy.

Sending nudes under the age of 18 is illegal, so lots of young people are reluctant to speak up about it at all if they’re struggling with this, as they’re worried they will get in trouble.

Let them know the law is there to protect them, and you will help them navigate this. Try not to panic (we know this can feel tricky as a parent!), and try to avoid the temptation to ask them why they shared pictures, or tell them they shouldn’t have.

Reassure them that they haven’t done anything wrong. Sharing someone’s nude photos without their consent is a form of image-based sexual abuse. It can be reported online via the CEOP, part of the UK’s national crime agency.

Organisations like Childline and The Internet Watch Foundation also provide extensive information and support on this topic.

Lucy Whitehouse is the CEO of sex-ed charity Fumble. If you’re looking for more information or an answer to a specific question, get access to all of Fumble’s resources and guides at fumble.org.uk.