How To Talk To Boys About Sexual Harassment And Catcalling

Every day it seems like there’s a new slang term doing the rounds among Gen Alpha – in recent times, kids have been using bop, huzz and gyatt, all of which are typically used to describe girls in a sexualised way.

Government research suggests sexual harassment – which can include sexual comments, remarks and jokes – is widespread in schools in England. What’s more, data from the Youth Justice Board shows the number of children committing sexual offences is on the rise.

Yet when you search for parenting advice on sexual harassment and catcalling online, much of the focus is tailored to those who have girls, who are more likely to be on the receiving end of this harassment.

With Louis Theroux’s latest documentary exploring the ‘manosphere’ and the misogynistic views of those within it, conversation has once again turned to how we can help raise boys who shun this damaging ideology.

If boys are seeing misogynistic content online, this kind of behaviour can become normalised in real life, too. So, how do we protect against it?

Ongoing conversations, says Lee Chambers, founder of Male Allies UK. Namely ones about values and respect.

According to Hilber Psychological Services, making boys aware of inappropriate behaviours at a young age can help prevent this behaviour as they grow up.

You can use pop culture or things you see in the media or on TV to show them what is inappropriate, and discuss how it makes other people feel.

Chambers said discussions should be honest and clear – remain curious, not shaming or blaming, but instead trying to connect with your child. Listening and asking questions is often more effective at communicating with teens than lecturing.

“Make it a regular conversation about values and respect, not a special case,” said Chambers.

It might be helpful to actually explain what sexual harassment is: unwanted behaviour of a sexual nature. It can include many things – from sexual assault to unwanted touching or gestures, sexual innuendos, catcalling, and making sexual comments about a person’s looks or clothing.

Per Hilber Psychological Services, you could ask your son why they think other men do this, and offer them examples of how to help stop it, “such as standing up for girls or refusing to laugh at inappropriate jokes”.

Encouraging them to put themselves in others’ shoes is key. Chambers urges parents: “Reflect questions toward them, ask them: how they would feel if this happened to women in their lives? What [do] they think when they see others doing it? What [do] people at school think?”

The male allyship specialist said you can then begin to explore the impact of this on women and girls, including how catcalling and sexual harassment can make them change their behaviour to stay safe.

Ultimately, it’s about teaching respect and consent throughout their upbringing – and this can start really early and continue right into their teens.

And parents need to be role models for this too, for example, when referring to others or watching television, etc. “Kids are always watching, learning and copying,” Chambers added.

While you should be prepared for defensiveness and responses that “the other lads do it” among teens, Chambers said it’s key to validate that it can be hard to challenge others – especially when their mates might just respond that “it’s a joke”.

He ends that boys should bring it back to the fact it’s not fun to make others feel unsafe. This way, they can “be part of the solution, not the problem”, he ended.