How To Talk To Kids If They Bring Up The Perez Hilton Livestream Video

Earlier this week, it was reported that celebrity blogger Perez Hilton was receiving emergency medical care following a livestream in which he appeared to self-harm.

Police were dispatched to the internet personality’s home in Florida on Tuesday night, after concerning footage was circulated on social media, according to reports. He was then taken to a nearby hospital where he received medical attention and care from mental health professionals.

His family have since shared a statement saying Perez – who has three children aged 13, 11 and eight – is “able to communicate”. They asked for “continued prayers, understanding, and grace” as he continues to recover.

While TikTok confirmed it had removed the livestream, the Guardian reported that footage has also been “widely circulated across other platforms”. As a result, there’s a chance kids and teens might come across it – or actively seek it out.

Dr Catherine Knibbs, a therapist and online harms expert, shared that she’d been messaged a number of times about the Perez Hilton livestream.

She said in a social media video that she wanted to give parents a “heads up” as “your children might have seen, might still see, or might know about” what happened with the online personality.

“Some of your children will be, kind of just, they’ll pass it by; other children might be distressed, confused, want to understand it – and this is where, as a parent, we need to have open conversations,” said Dr Knibbs.

If your child mentions the video, or what happened to Perez Hilton, experts agree that the best thing parents can do in this instance is keep the conversation going, and not shut it down.

“When children don’t understand what they’ve seen and we shut the door on communication, they tend to fill in the gaps themselves,” said Fiona Yassin, family psychotherapist, and founder and clinical director of The Wave Clinic.

“This has the potential to increase fear, confusion or distress about what they’ve seen, plus it might exacerbate anxiety and lead them to withdraw.”

But where do you even begin when talking about something that a) you might not have seen yourself or know much about, and b) is clearly a very complicated, emotive and sensitive situation?

Yassin suggested for parents to start by asking their child exactly what they’d seen or heard, and how it made them feel.

“Listen without judgement, acknowledge that it may have been upsetting to them, and answer their questions honestly using simple, age-appropriate language,” she advised.

“Stick to the facts and avoid speculation, as children often take their cues from the adults around them. You don’t need to have all the answers, but you do want to be a calm, reliable and trusted source of information for your child.”

If your child seems unusually anxious, withdrawn, or preoccupied after seeing the video – or if the conversation raises concerns about their own wellbeing or that of a friend – Yassin said “it’s really important to see support from a trusted mental health professional”.

“Young people can be exposed to highly distressing content without warning, and some may not have the emotional maturity or support to process what they’ve seen,” she added.

Dr Knibbs suggested that it’s important to have conversations with our children about human behaviour and mental health, as “you could be walking around a public environment such as a town centre and come across somebody ‘crashing out’ [slang for becoming suddenly, uncontrollably angry or distressed]”.

“We need to have conversations about human behaviour – and human behaviour is complicated,” she said in a video, before adding: “Your children need to know they can come and talk to you about this stuff.”

While talking about self-harm as a topic can feel scary and overwhelming for parents, Yassin said avoiding it “can leave young people feeling more isolated”.

“If we reflect on why we might be avoiding a conversation about something distressing, it’s usually because of our own discomfort, not our child’s. Instead, try to lean into the conversation in a considered, compassionate and open way,” she advised.

“When someone in the public eye shares something distressing, it can have a particularly powerful impact on young people because they’re naturally influenced by people they admire or follow in online spaces.

“Exposure to self-harm online involving a public figure can unintentionally make the behaviour seem more familiar and normal than it is.”

The therapist recommended steering clear of criticising the person involved or sensationalising what’s happened.

“This is an opportunity to help our child make sense of what they’ve seen in an age-appropriate way – a sign that someone is experiencing significant emotional distress and needs support,” she said.

“This helps separate the person from the behaviour, reducing the risk of young people seeing self-harm as something to copy or as an effective way of managing difficult emotions.”

If the conversation gives your child the courage to open up about their own personal struggle with self-harm, or that of a friend, the most important response is to “stay calm, listen without judgement, and thank them for trusting you”, said the therapist.

Dr Josephine Neale, consultant child and adolescent psychiatrist at Priory, said parents should see self-harm as a “signal” of underlying emotional distress, “rather than simply a behaviour that needs to be stopped”.

“Let them know you take their concerns seriously, and create a safe space for ongoing conversations rather than treating it as a one-off discussion,” she advised.

If they are worried about a friend doing it, the psychiatrist suggested encouraging them not to carry that responsibility on their own and to involve a trusted adult.

It’s normal to feel overwhelmed, frightened or even guilty when a child shares they have been self-harming, but it’s important not to let these emotions get in the way of offering them support.

“If you need a moment to gather yourself, take it, then come back to the conversation with reassurance and openness,” said Yassin.

“Let your child know you’re there to support them, listen carefully to what they have to say, and acknowledge how difficult things must feel for them.

“Even if they insist they don’t need help, it’s important to seek professional support as soon as possible. Many young people feel self-harm is helping them cope, or worry that asking for help will make things worse, but while it may bring temporary relief, it doesn’t address the underlying distress.”

You can tell your child you are seeking support for them because you care about their safety and wellbeing. “Keeping them involved in the process helps build trust,” Yassin added. “With the right support, young people can learn healthier ways to manage overwhelming emotions and recover.

“Recovery isn’t always linear, and setbacks can happen, but it’s important for parents to remind young people of the progress they have made and reassure them that their recovery will continue.”

Any concerns about immediate safety, serious injury, or thoughts of wanting to end their life should be assessed by emergency or crisis services.

• Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
• Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
• CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
• The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
• Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.