How To Talk To Teens About Their AI Use

Artificial intelligence (AI) isn’t new, but it’s quietly shaping our kids’ lives.

It might feel like it’s ‘just a bit of fun’, but in conversations with over 1,000 boys in schools, I heard first-hand how AI chatbots are starting to replace other forms of communication.

One boy told me: “It’s just there in my pocket, it remembers everything I tell it, there is nothing that I can’t ask it, and it doesn’t judge me. That’s why I use it.”

This was a common theme: being able to have judgement-free conversations removes the awkwardness from needing to ask a parent or even a friend.

But not all AI is good AI; the reality is that some creators gamify and target youngsters to get them hooked on their bots because it’s good for business. As one teen told me: “At first, it was fun and felt like a game, but it started to suggest I do things that didn’t feel right, so I stopped using it.” Scary, right?

Here’s how parents can get smart quickly in the age of AI with some key rules and conversation starters.

The most important conversation that we can have with young people is to explain that whilst AI can sound clever and caring, it is not a person – and it is certainly not a friend.

It can help to set new non-negotiables at home. For example, AI companions shouldn’t be used for emotional support or secret conversations. These tools can give unsafe advice, encourage secrecy, send inappropriate messages, and replace real conversations with people.

Have conversations about this openly, ask whether they have ever used AI for advice about something personal, and use this as a way in to explain that these bots are not their friends and should not be a replacement for real conversations.

Nudification is on the rise, with content being manipulated and shared at school. AI can now create very realistic fake pictures, videos and voice clips, including nude photos and videos. These can be used for bullying, harassment, blackmail and scams.

This is a good opportunity to chat to your children about permission and how important it is not to cross this line. Even though it can seem like harmless fun, the content and the consequences can live on.

Teach them that it’s not OK to edit someone’s picture without their permission, to pause before they believe what they see, and not to repost or engage with it.

Also, make it clear that if someone manipulates a picture of them, they can come to you and they won’t be in trouble for telling you.

Having access to AI with homework feels like having a calculator in a maths exam, and many children are already using it for homework revision and writing support.

The problem with using AI for homework is that it can end up doing the thinking for young people. It can also give answers that sound right, but are wrong.

The key is to teach children to use AI with learning, not instead of learning. Use it for brainstorming, explaining things they don’t understand and for feedback, but not to do the initial thinking. You can’t take it with you into an exam hall, and that’s important to remember.

It’s important for children to understand that AI is working hard in the games that they are playing to keep them engaged so they stick around for longer.

AI tends to reward based on shock and outrage, and it shows more extreme content over time. There can also be a push to spend money.

Where possible, they should keep device use visible and shared rather than in private or isolation. Explain to them that their feed is designed around their behaviour – it’s showing what it thinks they will engage with.

You can also turn off autoplay to reduce endless scrolling, lock in-app purchases, and review chat settings together.

Screens can be tricky to navigate – on the one hand, they are a natural part of the world today and will influence our children into adulthood and their future careers.

But there are also some warning signs to look out for that could flag something might be off: late-night scrolling, increased secrecy around phone use, hiding the screen when others are near, a change in their mood or behaviour after they have been online and an increased interest in their appearance or showing extreme views.

If they are starting to withdraw from real-life friendships and turning to AI in a crisis, then it’s really important to open up the line of communication. Ask questions about AI, their views on it and what sort of things they are seeing. Listen before lecturing, and keep the chats short and regular.

Make it a normal conversation to have so that if they are in trouble, they feel able to tell you. Help them to understand how the increased time they are spending online impacts them – and how their apps are typically encouraging this.

Parenting in the time of AI isn’t easy, so much is changing and evolving all of the time. The key is to stay interested, keep chatting to your kids about AI, help them to understand how the tech is working, and, most importantly, that it is not their friend.

Lee Chambers is the founder of Male Allies UK.