Son’s Language Around Money And Girls Changed: Therapist Advice

If you tuned in to Louis Theroux’s Inside The Manosphere, you might’ve been jaw-to-the-floor shocked to hear the influencers’ reductive views of women. (Or maybe, if you’ve come across this content online before, you weren’t.)

You’ll also have picked up on the huge onus placed on wealth and success.

These influencers are selling a ‘dream’ to other young men, encouraging them to follow their formula to become rich and ‘successful’ – to up their value and worth in a society where they are “born without it”. And some boys are taking it all in.

According to Educate Against Hate, boys are drawn to this kind of content because it offers a sense of belonging, simple answers to complex societal problems, and an element of control or empowerment.

We’re now at the point where nearly 70% of boys aged 11-14 years old have been exposed to misogynistic content online, per Ofcom, and most primary and secondary school teachers are “extremely concerned” about the influence of the manosphere – a collection of websites and forums that typically promote masculinity, some of which amplify misogynistic views – on children and young people.

It’s not a new problem either. This tap has been drip, drip, dripping for some time as social media’s popularity has grown. While there will be plenty of boys who shun these narratives, over time this content can – and does – shift perceptions.

Mandy Hickson, a former fast jet pilot who is now a motivational speaker, began to notice subtle changes in her two sons, then in their mid-teens, seven years ago. She said not only did their language, tone and the way they spoke about women gradually change, but so too did their views on success and self-worth.

“For example, despite growing up in a home where both my husband and I worked equally and shared parenting responsibilities, they began questioning why I would ‘want’ to work at all,” she told me.

“They began making quite extreme statements about money and status. For example, suggesting that if they reached a certain age and didn’t have significant financial success or material markers like expensive cars, they would see themselves as failures.”

If your child’s attitude towards money and girls seems to have shifted, you might pick up on small changes in their language, too.

Fiona Yassin, a family psychotherapist and founder and clinical director of The Wave Clinic, tells HuffPost UK: “Rather than, ‘Do you think she likes me?’ or ‘Do you think she’s interested in me?’, it becomes more success-orientated to, ‘If I’m more successful, she’s more likely to like me’.”

You might sense a reductionist mindset emerging, where value is assigned to individuals. This framing can then develop into narratives such as “all women want a rich partner” or ideas around them “marrying up” in terms of financial or perceived social status. One mum noted how her teen son had made a comment about women being “gold diggers” – a viewpoint he’d heard online.

There’s also a prevailing ‘winners’ and ‘losers’ mindset. “We’ve seen this come up repeatedly in content shared by various influencers – the idea that to ‘win’ at life, one of the key measures is wealth, alongside being surrounded by women of your choosing,” adds Yassin.

Some kids might become very aware (and borderline obsessed) with social media metrics: post likes, shares, who’s engaging with their posts, etc. You might also notice they’re less empathetic than they used to be – “when someone adopts a very reductionist viewpoint and becomes fixated on certain measures, empathy for others tends to decrease,” the therapist says.

“That goes hand in hand with objectification because you can’t have high empathy while also objectifying others.”

Parents should remain curious and non-confrontational when kids mention wealth or seem to offer up differing views around women and relationships that seem, well, off.

Staying non-judgemental and asking open-ended questions, like “What do you like about that content?” or “How did you come across that idea?”, is key.

If they’re discussing relationships with girls specifically, questions you could ask to find out a bit more about what they’re thinking include: What qualities make you want to get to know someone more? What do you find interesting about them? What makes you curious about that person?

“These kinds of questions encourage reflection without confrontation. However, not confronting doesn’t mean ignoring,” notes Yassin.

“It’s important for parents to name what’s happening. For example, acknowledging that there are online spaces where relationships are framed transactionally – where worth is tied to wealth, appearance, or sexual history.”

Parents can show awareness, and therefore signal understanding, without endorsement. You could say something like: “I understand this is something people are talking about right now.”

The therapist also advises educating yourself on the manosphere, as this is no longer fringe subculture, but increasingly visible in everyday online content. “Many parents, if they looked at their child’s social media, would likely see elements of this thinking,” she continues.

“It’s important for parents to understand that not every young person engaging with these ideas is doing so harmfully, but there can be a contagion effect. Naming that gently can help.”

Teaching and encouraging critical thinking is important, so too is reinforcing your family values, particularly around relationships. You can emphasise curiosity about the person they might be interested in, the importance of connection, and how relationships endure over time.

You could also share more about how your own relationship came to be – what drew you to each other and what qualities mattered beyond superficial measures.

“These grounded, real-world examples can help re-anchor conversations about relationships in something more human, relational, and meaningful,” says Yassin.

Looking at wealth within the family system is also important and not something to shy away from. It might be helpful to express that in your family, you value people, connection, and relationships more than things or wealth, she says.

“By bringing in real-world examples, we allow young people to metabolise what they’re hearing into something they can actually feel. Because if we think about this whole movement, it’s largely based on beliefs and thinking, and there’s very little emphasis on feeling. In fact, feeling is often actively discouraged,” says Yassin.

“In a transactional framework, emotion becomes almost unnecessary. So continuing to introduce real-world examples helps shift perspective.”

The therapist says the goal here isn’t to demolish or shame ideas, but to reframe them and reinforce an approach that values people for who they are, rather than what they represent or achieve.

If you do come across this kind of content on your teen’s phone or device, don’t just brush it off – name it and kick off a conversation in an age-appropriate, curious way.

“The reach of this type of content is quite extensive, and many of these reductionist ideologies are interconnected – around looks, status, wealth, and perceived value,” ends Yassin.

“Once young people encounter one, it can often lead into a wider web of related ideas.”