The 1 Skill Firstborns Are Best At, According To Experts

Over the years, there’s been much research, discussion and debate surrounding firstborn children and what their position in a family involves.

The pressure, the expectations, the complicated feelings about having received undivided attention from parents are all considered fairly common issues for oldest children as they become adults.

Firstborns (sometimes jokingly referred to as PFBs or “precious firstborns”) certainly have some experiences or advantages that their siblings may not.

And, in a lot of cases, their experiences as the first child in the family help them nurture specific talents.

“The oldest child experience often comes with a unique mix of strengths that are quietly developed over time, often out of necessity rather than by choice,” Eleecia Myers, a counsellor at Key Counseling Group, a practice that specialises in working with kids, teens, adults and families, told HuffPost.

But there is one skill, in particular, that older siblings are more inclined to excel at. And you may be able to guess what it is.

There are a variety of traits common among firstborn children, but the one experts point to most consistently is leadership. It’s a skill that’s often an outgrowth of the firstborn’s position in the family, rather than a personality trait that all firstborns are, well… born with. In other words, their birth order shapes certain strengths over time.

“In many families, the oldest sibling learns early on how to step up. They’re given responsibility sooner, whether that looks like helping with younger siblings, managing expectations, or navigating adult dynamics before they’re fully ready,” said Myers. “Over time, this can cultivate a strong internal identity as ‘the reliable one’ or ‘the strong one.’ Because of this, the oldest sibling tends to develop a natural ability to lead.”

Sophie Schauermann, a licensed clinical social worker and co-founder of Rooted Rhythm, which offers therapy for children, teens and adults, offered a similar analysis about why leadership skills are so common in firstborns.

“Birth order doesn’t determine personality, but it does influence experience,” explained Schauermann. “And for oldest children, they often grow up in an environment where they’re tracking more, holding more, and being asked to step into responsibility earlier than their siblings.”

Because of that, Schauermann suggests the oldest child in a family typically develops what she calls “responsibility with relational awareness.”

“They tend to be very attuned not just to what needs to get done, but also to how others are doing. They’re often scanning for both tasks and people,” she said.

“This can show up as leadership, follow-through, organisation, and a strong sense of accountability. Many oldest children become the ones who naturally step in, anticipate needs, and help hold things together.”

Leadership may be the most talked-about firstborn characteristic, but it’s hardly the only one.

Research published by The University of Edinburgh in 2017 found that “firstborn children’s thinking skills outperform their siblings because they receive more mental stimulation from their parents in their early years”.

The same research found that firstborns score higher than their siblings on IQ tests starting around age one.

Why would this be, exactly? According to the researchers who followed 5,000 subjects from pre-birth through age 14, everyone generally received the same amount of emotional support, but firstborn children ultimately received more support in tasks that helped them develop thinking skills.

“Research clearly shows that the oldest sibling in a family has a distinct advantage in verbal ability, including larger vocabularies and stronger language skills,” J. Ryan Fuller, Ph.D., executive director of New York Behavioural Health, told HuffPost. “The result is higher IQ scores and greater academic achievement.”

The important detail here is why this happens to be the case. Fuller explained that “before they have siblings, oldest children receive more concentrated parental attention and richer exposure to adult language”.

Moreover, the University of Edinburgh researchers also found that parents “changed their behaviour as subsequent children were born,” noting that they “offered less mental stimulation to younger siblings [and] also took part in fewer activities such as reading with the child, crafts and playing musical instruments”.

While it may not be as well-researched a trait as IQ, experts said firstborns also tend to excel at a sort of “natural inclusivity,” along with the ability to think in terms of systems and see the bigger picture, rather than getting lost in individual details.

“They tend to ‘see the forest through the trees,’” said Avigail Lev, a licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Bay Area CBT Center, a behavioural therapy and counselling practice.

“As the first child, they’ve spent years observing family dynamics unfold. They’ve lived through patterns, watched younger siblings move through the same developmental stages, and developed a unique vantage point: part participant, part quiet analyst,” added Lev.

“Because of this, they often carry a broader, almost narrative-level awareness of how things connect over time.”

This can make firstborn children especially drawn to roles in which integration matters, such as product management or strategy, rather than highly specialised roles like coding or marketing in isolation, Lev suggested.

Sure, having these skills and talents can certainly be helpful in life. But that doesn’t mean firstborns don’t struggle. (Just ask any oldest daughter.)

For example, Schauermann notes, gravitating toward leadership in the family unit and other aspects of life can have less-beneficial side effects.

“Like any strength, it has a shadow side. These traits are most supportive when the child also feels held, supported, and allowed to not always be ‘the responsible one,’” Schauermann said. “Without that balance, it can turn into pressure, over-functioning, or perfectionism.”

And those are things firstborns might need to work out – either in therapy or on their own – later in life.