Toxic Relationship Myths You Might Still Believe

There’s a lot of noise out there when it comes to relationship advice and rules, whether it comes from well-meaning friends and family or something you found on TikTok.

But some common relationship myths could be hindering your relationships, preventing you and your partner from reaching your true potential.

“Love takes work,” Gabby Jimmerson, a couples and sex therapist, told HuffPost.

“It means showing up and navigating discomfort by having honest conversations, and it sometimes means choosing your partner when it’s hard and doesn’t feel super cozy. There’s no sweeping music and no perfect lighting – just a partnership that grows stronger the more you actually do the work.”

Below, couples therapists share the common myths they hear from their clients.

Repeat after me: Relationships ebb and flow all the time – and that is normal.

Yes, things can feel easy at certain moments in your relationship, especially in the early stages of getting together. You’re getting to know each other and doing your best to impress the other person. But according to Jimmerson, even the healthiest relationships experience friction and moments of doubt.

“Couples often innocently assume that because their sex life and connection were thriving before kids, careers and ageing hit the scene, it will effortlessly continue,” Jimmerson said.

“But life is always evolving, and successful couples embrace the idea that love requires action and intentionality even when it’s not totally effortless or convenient.”

In fact, the strongest couples are the ones who’ve had to work during tough seasons in their relationship, Ellie Baker, couples coach and relationship expert and founder of Ember Couples, told HuffPost.

“They develop skills for noticing disconnection, repairing when things go sideways and adapting as both people grow. Couples who haven’t had to practice working through hard patches can be caught off guard when things feel ‘off’ for the first time. The myth that ‘right’ means ‘easy’ leaves people unprepared for the work that sustainable relationships require.”

“Online dating has trained us to assess people like checklists,” Jimmerson said. We look for “on-paper” alignment before we’ve even experienced how it feels to relate to someone in real life.

The truth is, compatibility doesn’t always show up right away. It builds over time through shared values, communication and how a couple moves through life together, she adds.

Because of this belief, you have many couples calling it quits too soon; they find differences, such as different spending habits, mismatched energy levels, or one person being a planner while the other is spontaneous, too challenging to overcome.

“I think we place too much emphasis on compatibility when it isn’t about finding your perfect match,” adds Baker. “How they spend their time, their interests, these can actually bring richness to a relationship if both people acknowledge them, accept them and find ways to work around them rather than try to change each other to be more like themselves.”

Of course, some relationships don’t work out, but a mutual willingness to build compatibility is a great foundation for the long haul.

Every relationship has its stuff. Maybe you’re trying to get your partner to take more initiative in cleaning the house. And they do until they don’t.

“It can be disheartening to feel like you’ve made incredible gains and things have gotten to a good place, only a few months later to see the same kind of challenges creep back,” Baker said.

Despite how discouraging this feels, you’re not going backwards, she adds.

“Things slip because real behaviour change is slow and hard, you catch it, reinforcing the skills you’ve acquired and repeat,” Baker said. “Knowing that you course correct faster next time and the lows become less painful and shorter every time.”

When it comes to emotional intimacy, people have mixed ideas.

“People think emotional intimacy means constant deep conversations and being vulnerable all the time,” Baker said. “But I see couples where one person is really pushing for this and the other feels pressured by it, and that dynamic actually creates more distance rather than bringing them closer.”

Intimacy is actually all about balance, Baker adds. It’s about feeling comfortable being together without expectations, or simply being attentive to the other person’s needs, whether that means sitting in silence or giving them space.

Emotional intimacy is really more about moments of connection, Marc Zola, a licensed marriage and family therapist, told HuffPost.

In his practice, he notices that couples rarely have explosive fights. Instead, he sees partners dismiss each other’s needs without realising it.

“In my experience, the cumulative effect of dismissing the wish of a partner is just as bad as raging against the wish of the partner,” Zola explains.

“This explains why five years into a relationship, when one partner dismisses the other’s wish in a seemingly innocuous way, the offended partner responds with an 8/10 instead of a 3/10 response.”

New relationships always start in the honeymoon phase, where there’s passion for one another and their partner seems perfect in their eyes. But eventually that passion fades as you grow into a couple.

Some couples think the lack of spark signals the end of the relationship, but in reality, they’re just entering a new developmental stage that differs from the honeymoon phase, Zola says. The new phase might just be one that exposes couples to each other’s habits – like leaving dishes in the sink or quirks like colour-coordinating their closets.

This is the point where so many people begin to question whether they’ve made a mistake, whether the partner they once adored has changed, or whether they’ve simply “fallen out of love,” Zola said.

“What’s actually happening is that the illusion of completion has collapsed.”

The good news is that this phase lays the groundwork for long-term relationships.

Another common myth that people get wrong is that conflict in relationships is inherently bad. “Couples worry that arguments signal there’s something fundamentally wrong,” Jimmerson said.

“But healthy conflict management provides a deeply profound opportunity to build intimacy – it forces you to slow down, seek understanding and develop empathy.”

The key to conflict? Good communication, which, according to Baker, even the most thriving couples can get wrong.`

“Couples think good communication means perfect ‘I feel’ statements and textbook active listening. But that’s not reality,” Baker said. “Thriving couples have messy patterns too: They get frustrated, make sweeping statements, interrupt and say things they know they shouldn’t.”

Of course, this good communication takes practice – and sometimes your feelings will get the best of you. But awareness and the ability to repair and do better will get you far.

Despite what fairytales led you to believe, there is no such thing as “the one”. Some people believe that once they find their soulmate, they’ll feel complete, putting enormous pressure on the relationship to work.

“A partner can add joy, meaning and connection to your life, but they can’t be responsible for your happiness or healing,” Jimmerson said. “When the idea of ‘the one’ turns into emotional rescue, even good relationships can start to feel like a letdown.”

We get stuck in the belief that your partner needs to be your best friend, your lover, your emotional support, your adventure companion and your comfort. That’s a lot of responsibility for one person to handle. “They’re one person, not a tribe,” Zola continued.

Contrary to popular belief, infidelity (physical, emotional, and/or financial) is not a death sentence, Zola said.

“Most relationships survive infidelity,” he said. “The exception to this is if the infidelity is chronic, pathological, or sociopathic in nature, where it is repeated over and over with little to no remorse. But if it occurs and the offending partner feels remorse, it is incredibly ‘fixable’.”

“Healing only begins once both partners acknowledge that a rupture has occurred and start to explore its impact,” Jimmerson continued.

However, both she and Zola agree that rushing to fix the issue won’t resolve it quickly. “Trust needs to be rebuilt with patience, tolerance, humility and understanding,” Zola said.