What Does It Mean If You Say ‘Sorry’ A Lot?

I’ve been called out for saying “sorry” a lot – it doesn’t help that my automatic response is to apologise.

Jess Baker, a chartered psychologist and author of The Super-Helper Syndrome, told HuffPost UK: “Saying sorry a lot is not always a sign of a deeper issue. For many empathic people, apologising is a sign of awareness, kindness and a desire to maintain good relationships.”

But sometimes, the reflex might reveal something worth exploring.

“The key question is: are you apologising to acknowledge impact, or to manage other people’s reactions?” she asked.

The psychologist, who works with “super helpers”, or those who feel a compulsion to go out of their way for others even at their own expense, said she often sees apologies “become a form of emotional over-responsibility”.

“People who are highly attuned to others can start believing it is their job to prevent disappointment, discomfort, or conflict,” she added.

“‘Sorry’ becomes a way of saying: ‘I don’t want to be a problem’, ‘I hope you’re not upset with me’, or ‘I’ll make this easier for you’.”

Baker added there are lots of reasons why people might start to over-apologise, including:

As Baker said earlier, some people say “sorry” a lot without it really being an issue. However, “it becomes something to investigate when someone apologises for having needs, boundaries, opinions or presence,” she suggested.

“If ‘sorry’ appears before a reasonable request, a challenge, or an idea in a meeting, it may point to a deeper pattern of self-doubt or people-pleasing.”

The aim, she reminded us, is not to stop people saying “sorry” when they want to – the word itself isn’t the problem here.

“A genuine apology is a sign of emotional intelligence. The aim is to make sure you are apologising from compassion, not from fear of taking up space,” she ended.