Wings Over Scotland | Sicknote Slippers

The turnout at the “independence march and rally” yesterday was so abysmally poor that it seems almost unfair to pick on any of the scores of SNP elected representatives who didn’t bother to show up.

But dear old Cosy Feet Pete Wishart had the most chef’s-kiss excuse of all.

The reason he didn’t fancy getting his wee Billy Whizz quiff blown about a chilly Calton Hill was that he had important business “taking on the far right” – who were of course nowhere to be seen – with “half a million” (50,000) of his British besties, a convenient short Tube ride away from his London residence, at an event called… UK Together.

Now there’s some more irony you can’t buy.

Just like Mick McCann from Preacher guarding New York from the Kaiser in 1917, the MP for Perth and Kinross-shire has done a heroic job defending Britain from the far right and fighting for Scottish independence from the plush safety of the Palace Of Westminster for the last 25 years – even though we’re out of the EU, independence is nowhere in sight and Nigel Farage is set to be the next Prime Minister.

But time and tide waits for no man, and as Farage enters No.10 and Wishart walks off to retirement, (having handily reached the requisite age by the next election), Slippers will just have to wipe his tears over quarter of a century of total failure on his fat UK Parliament pension of around £50,000 a year for the rest of his life.

Thanks for your service, Pete.