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Entertainment

Jessica Alba’s Misunderstood Sci-Fi Series Is Going To Be Lost Forever, You Can’t Watch It

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Jessica Alba's Misunderstood Sci-Fi Series Is Going To Be Lost Forever, You Can't Watch It

By Jonathan Klotz
| Published

Before she was the co-founder of The Honest Company, before Fantastic Four, and before she was Honey, Jessica Alba burst onto the scene as Max Guevera, the genetically enhanced former child soldier working with a band of underground hackers and mercenaries in a near-future dystopian Seattle. That’s the setting for James Cameron’s Dark Angel, 2000’s hottest and most expensive series.

No one could have guessed this would be Cameron’s follow-up to Titanic, but what was predicted even back then was that Fox would mishandle the show. That’s exactly what happened, and today, it’s nearly impossible to find a copy of Alba’s breakout hit. 

Dark Angel Changed Gears Between Seasons

Dark Angel 2000

In the year 2000, you could throw a rock and hit a female-led action series. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Xena: Warrior Princess, V.I.P., and The X-Files were still on the air. All of them were instant classics, but James Cameron gave Dark Angel an edge the others didn’t have. Max didn’t hesitate to throw a punch, and it turns out that violence was often the answer. During her underground war against Manticore, the evil government agency that messed with her DNA and raised her as a child soldier (think Marvel’s Weapon X), Max is willing to go to brutal lengths to accomplish her mission. 

The series starts with Max ignoring her mission and living life as a courier, right up until a journalist activist, Logan (played by the very young-looking future NCIS Agent DiNozzo, portrayed by Michael Weatherly), is injured on a mission she rejected and is now confined to a wheelchair. Max picks up the fight with Logan acting as her “man in the chair,” and a lot of the fun of the series comes from their interactions, though the “will they, won’t they?” gets tiring because yes, yes they will, and we all know it.

Dark Angel 2000
Jessica Alba And a Pre-Dean Jensen Ackles In Dark Angel

Even the standalone monster-of-the-week episodes tie into the larger mythology arc of bringing down Manticore. Dark Angel Season 1 is pulpy sci-fi fun with cheesy stunts, technobabble, and, after the multi-million dollar pilot, cheap special effects. Season 2 changes direction with the introduction of Alec (Supernatural’s Jensen Ackles, years before he got behind the wheel of a 1967 Chevy Impala), Max’s planned breeding partner, who instead becomes her co-worker as they burn down secret labs, liberate child soldiers, and deal with various mutants tied to a breeding cult.

Missing In Action For Decades

Dark Angel 2000

Dark Angel isn’t quite a cyberpunk series. The argument can be made for it since there are hackers, secret government programs, supersoldiers with animal DNA, and everyone hanging out at a bar/courier company. What it’s missing is the random neon lighting. 

Of course, when a sci-fi series becomes a hit, Fox has to mess with it somehow. The network argued that the series was routinely going over budget and put a hard cap on Dark Angel’s second season at $1.4 million. Two days after letting the cast and crew know that Season 3 was greenlit, Fox reversed course and canceled the show, citing low ratings as the reason. The switch from taking down Manticore to dealing with the mutant cult caused the show to lose viewers, and the move to Fox’s death slot on Friday nights from its previous Tuesday night placement didn’t help matters any. 

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Why You Can’t Watch Dark Angel Today

Dark Angel 2000

As with many shows made before streaming was a possibility, Dark Angel’s music rights have kept it in limbo and off legal streaming in the United States for over two decades. The only way to watch it legally now is if you own the now-out-of-print DVD sets.

It’s a shame, as the series still has a fan following over 20 years later, and in a perfect world, Jessica Alba’s Max would be recognized alongside Cameron’s other leading ladies: Sigourney Weaver’s Ripley and Linda Hamilton’s Sarah Conner. 


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7 R-Rated Fantasy Movies That Changed the Genre Forever

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A group of figures and an archer in a desert landscape in The Fall

Quite often, fantasy films are—at least to some degree—family-friendly. It’s not the most common thing in the world for a fantasy film to be rated R by the MPAA, and when they are, these movies don’t always pan out quite like fans of the genre would expect. On a few noteworthy occasions, however, cinema has treated us to some truly exceptional R-rated fantasy films. And on even more precious occasions, these movies go on to have a tremendous impact and influence on the genre as a whole.

Their being rated R often means that these masterpieces of the genre can approach their fantastical elements with more maturity, a darker tone, and less concern for commercial whims. That’s probably why they’ve proven to be so immensely impactful over the course of the history of fantasy cinema. From adaptations of Arthurian legend to fully-original cult classics, these gems are easily among the greatest fantasy films of all time.

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7

‘The Fall’ (2006)

A group of figures and an archer in a desert landscape in The Fall Image via Roadside Attractions

Based on the 1981 Bulgarian film Yo Ho Ho, Tarsem Singh‘s The Fall is one of those forgotten fantasy movies that are still perfect today. Due to its incredibly complicated release process, allegedly partly due to Harvey Weinstein having disliked the movie and deciding to sabotage it as a result, the film has never been able to meet the kind of praise that it so definitely deserves. Though it’s definitely a movie that favors style over substance, that’s only a nitpick when the style is this delectably perfect.

Shot over four years across 24 countries with no CGI, The Fall proved that visual ambition in the 21st century still existed in the same kind of old-school fashion that defined ’80s fantasy. It’s too singular and niche of a movie to say that it’s had a widespread impact across the entire fantasy genre, but there’s no denying the inspiration that it has shown in the fields of indie and arthouse fantasy. It’s a cult classic unlike any other that deserves more respect.

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6

‘The Green Mile’ (1999)

The Green Mile

Stephen King is, of course, a legendary writer best-known for his work in horror, but fantasy is another genre at which he has constantly excelled. That leaves us with Frank Darabont‘s adaptation of King’s novel The Green Mile, the director’s follow-up to The Shawshank Redemption (also based on a King story). It’s one of the heaviest fantasy movies ever made, but it’s also far and away one of the most acclaimed and widely beloved.

Led by Tom Hanks and Michael Clarke Duncan at their most emotionally stirring, this tear-jerker is a genre-blending example of low fantasy that mixes its magic with elements from a prison drama. The resulting concoction is one of Hollywood’s greatest ’90s classics. There’s a case to be made that it more stronly changed the way prison dramas were made, rather than fantasy films; but the impact that it’s had on low fantasy is undeniable, and as such, that’s enough to call it one of the most influential outings the genre had at any point during the ’90s.

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5

‘Fanny and Alexander’ (1982)

Fanny and Alexander - 1982 Image via Sandrew Film & Teater

When it comes to hyper-influential fantasy movies, it’s not all Hollywood blockbusters. Case in point: Fanny and Alexander, a coming-of-age epic that legendary Swedish auteur Ingmar Bergman (one of the greatest filmmakers in history) intended as his final movie. That didn’t end up being the case, but that doesn’t detract from the utter brilliance of this classic. Over three hours long in its theatrical cut and over five hours long in its television cut, this is an equally flawless masterpiece in both of its versions.

Fanny and Alexander is one of the best international coming-of-age movies in history, and like the rest of Bergman’s most notorious movies, it’s had a tremendous influence on many movie directors since. The film set a new gold standard for how magic realism could be applied in movies; and though its fantastical elements are definitely subtle, they’re brilliantly used nonetheless. There are many great fantasy movies which show magic through the eyes of a child’s innocence, and a remarkable number of the ones released after 1982 owe at least some of their greatness to Fanny and Alexander.

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4

‘Legend’ (1985)

The Lord of Darkness looks down on someone menacingly in Legend (1985) Image via Universal Pictures

Back when it came out right in the middle of the ’80s, Ridley Scott‘s fourth-ever feature film, Legend, was trashed by critics and destroyed at the box office. The fact that the English auteur had followed up Blade Runner, one of the most complex sci-fi films in Hollywood history, with a straightforward fairy tale movie puzzled audiences the world over. In the years since, however, it’s become one of the biggest cult classics of Scott’s whole filmography.

Echoed by filmmakers like Guillermo del Toro and Tim Burton, the visuals of Scott’s underrated gem have aged like fine wine.

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There are plenty of elements that make this one of the most perfect fantasy cult classics, from Tim Curry‘s iconic performance as Darkness to the delectably campy tone that permeates the whole thing. The film definitely favors visual spectacle over narrative depth, and that’s precisely the department where Legend changed the game altogether. Production design, visual effects, and makeup work were already crucial elements of the fantasy genre before 1985, but Legend proved how they could all be art forms unto themselves. Echoed by filmmakers like Guillermo del Toro and Tim Burton, the visuals of Scott’s underrated gem have aged like fine wine.

3

‘Excalibur’ (1981)

Soldiers fighting in Excalibur 1981 Image via Warner Bros. Pictures
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Directed by John Boorman, Excalibur is Medieval dark fantasy at its most epic and entertaining. The film actually began development as a Lord of the Rings adaptation that ended up going unproduced, and though you can still see remnants of that vision here, Excalibur is an entirely unique kind of adaptation of Arthurian legend. With its star-studded cast and a delightful visual style, it has joined the ranks of Legend as one of the biggest fantasy cult classics of the 1980s.

It’s one of the best R-rated fantasy masterpieces ever made, an operatic and highly detailed epic whose lush, dreamlike beauty more than makes up for the relative lack of substance of the narrative. Unapologetically dark, sexy, bloody, and fever-dream-ish, Excalibur set a new standard for how ambitious and full of theatrical grandeur adaptations of legendary fantasy source material could be. There has never been another Arthurian movie quite like it.

2

‘Conan the Barbarian’ (1982)

Arnold Schwarzenegger wielding a sword in Conan-the-Barbarian Image via Universal Pictures
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The movie that transformed Arnold Schwarzenegger from a world-renowned bodybuilder into an international movie superstar and box office magnet was Conan the Barbarian, John Milius‘ classic sword-and-sorcery masterpiece. Ideas to make a film about Robert E. Howard‘s iconic character from pulp fiction had been floating around in Hollywood since the 1970s, but the adaptation ended up materializing at exactly the right time, because it’s difficult to envision anyone but Schwarzenegger in the titular role.

It’s not just thanks to its star, though, but also thanks to Milius’ direction and the phenomenal work of the rest of the team that this is one of the best dark fantasy masterpieces of all time. There was a widespread perception before 1982 that the sword-and-sorcery subgenre was camp by nature, but Conan proved that it could be serious, brutal, and properly epic. There was a noteworthy boom in the production of fantasy media in the ’80s—including films, of course—, and many would argue that it was Conan the Barbarian that served as a major catalyst for such a revolution.

1

‘Pan’s Labyrinth’ (2006)

The Pale Man showing his eye in the palm of his hand in Pan's Labyrinth Image via Warner Bros. Pictures
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There is probably not a single fantasy filmmaker working today who’s more influential than Guillermo del Toro. The Mexican auteur has had an impact on the genre—dark fantasy in particular—that cannot be overstated, and that has resulted in several of the greatest fantasy films of the ’90s and of the 21st century. The discussion of del Toro’s best films can veer in many different directions, but more often than not, the conversation of what his magnum opus is ends up in a single place: Pan’s Labyrinth.

This Spanish-Mexican co-production is one of the darkest fairy tale movies of all time, and perhaps the most perfect example of what dark fantasy can achieve in the 21st century. Set against the backdrop of the Spanish Civil War and sharply criticizing fascism and authoritarian violence, del Toro’s mastepriece re-defined fantasy as a highly mature vehicle for complex themes and nuanced political commentary. Fantasy hasn’t been the same since 2006.





















































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Collider Exclusive · Middle-earth Quiz
Which Lord of the Rings
Character Are You?

One Quiz · Ten Questions · Your Fate Revealed

The road goes ever on. From the green hills of the Shire to the fires of Mount Doom, every soul in Middle-earth carries a destiny. Ten questions stand between you and the truth of who you are. Answer honestly — the One Ring has a way of revealing what we most want to hide.

💍Frodo

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🌿Samwise

👑Aragorn

🔥Gandalf

🏹Legolas

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⚒️Gimli

👁️Sauron

🪨Gollum

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01

You are handed a responsibility that could destroy you. What do you do?
The weight of the world falls on unlikely shoulders.




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02

Your closest companion is heading into terrible danger. You:
True loyalty is revealed not in comfort, but in crisis.




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03

Enormous power is within your reach. Your instinct is:
Power corrupts — but only those who reach for it.




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04

What does “home” mean to you?
Where we long to return reveals who we truly are.




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05

When a battle is upon you, your approach is:
War reveals what we are made of — whether we like it or not.




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06

Someone comes to you for advice in their darkest hour. You:
Wisdom is not knowing all the answers — it’s knowing which questions to ask.




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07

How do you see yourself, honestly?
Self-knowledge is the most dangerous kind.




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08

Which of these best describes your relationship with the natural world?
Middle-earth speaks to those who know how to listen.




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09

You encounter a wretched, pitiable creature who has done terrible things. You:
How we treat the fallen reveals the height of our character.




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10

When the quest is over and the songs are sung, what do you hope they say about you?
In the end, we are all just stories.




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The Fellowship Has Spoken
Your Place in Middle-earth

The scores below reveal your true character. Your highest number is your match. Even a tie tells a story — the Fellowship was never made of simple people.

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💍
Frodo

🌿
Samwise

👑
Aragorn

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🔥
Gandalf

🏹
Legolas

⚒️
Gimli

👁️
Sauron

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🪨
Gollum

You carry something heavy — and you carry it alone, even when you don’t have to. You were not born for greatness, and that is precisely why greatness chose you. Your courage is not the roaring, sword-swinging kind; it is quiet, stubborn, and terrifying in its refusal to quit. The Ring weighs on you more than anyone can see, and still you walk toward the fire. That is not weakness. That is the rarest kind of strength there is.

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You are, without question, the best of them. Not the most powerful, not the most celebrated — but the most essential. Your loyalty is not a trait; it is a force of nature. You would carry the person you love up the slopes of Mount Doom if it came to that, and we both know you’d do it without being asked. The world needs more people like you, and the world is lucky it has even one.

You were born to lead, and you have spent years running from it. The crown is yours by right, but you know better than anyone that right means nothing without the will and the worthiness to back it up. You are tempered by loss, shaped by long roads, and defined by a code of honour you hold to even when no one is watching. When you finally step forward, the world shifts. Because it was always waiting for you.

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You have seen more than you let on, and you say less than you know — which is exactly as it should be. You are a catalyst: you do not fight the battles yourself, you ignite the people who can. Your wisdom comes not from books but from an age of watching what happens when it is ignored. You arrive precisely when you mean to, and your presence alone changes what is possible. A wizard is never late.

Graceful, perceptive, and almost preternaturally calm under pressure — you see things others miss and act before others react. You do not need to make a scene to be remarkable; your presence speaks for itself. You are loyal to those you choose to stand beside, and that choice is not made lightly. You have lived long enough to know that the most beautiful things in this world are also the most fragile, and that is why you fight to protect them.

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You are loud, proud, and absolutely formidable — and beneath all of that is one of the most fiercely loyal hearts in Middle-earth. You don’t do anything by half measures. Your friendships are forged like iron, your grudges run as deep as mines, and your courage in battle is the kind that makes legends. You came into this fellowship suspicious of everyone and ended it willing to die for an elf. That is not a small thing. That is everything.

You think in centuries and act in absolutes. Order, dominion, control — not because you are cruel by nature, but because you have decided that the world left to itself always falls apart, and you are the only one with the vision and the will to hold it together. You were not always this. Something was lost, or taken, or betrayed, and the version of you that stands now is the answer to that wound. The tragedy is that you’re not entirely wrong — just entirely too far gone to course-correct.

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You are a study in contradiction — pitiable and dangerous, cunning and broken, capable of both cruelty and something that once resembled love. You are defined by loss: of innocence, of self, of the one thing that gave your existence meaning. Two voices war inside you constantly, and the tragedy is that the better one sometimes wins, just not often enough, and never at the right moment. You are a warning, yes — but also a mirror. We are all a little Gollum, given the right ring and enough time.

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Sexy, Star-Studded Remake Of The Ultimate Adventure Comedy, Now Streaming On Netflix

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Sexy, Star-Studded Remake Of The Ultimate Adventure Comedy, Now Streaming On Netflix

By Chris Snellgrove
| Published

When I heard we were getting a reboot of Jumanji, I was absolutely filled with dread. The original film was very special to me: it was a master class in acting from the late, great Robin Williams, and the plot about getting stuck inside a board game both frightened and delighted my adolescent self. I assumed any remake of this iconic film would be an insult to Williams and everyone else from the original Jumanji. Plus, the original sequel, Zathura: A Space Adventure, which was such a minor blip on the pop culture radar that I’d bet my board game collection you already forgot it ever existed.

Accordingly, I walked into my local theater in 2017, assuming that Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle would be complete trash and that I would be hate-watching it from beginning to end. To my immense surprise, however, the movie used the original Jumanji as a springboard to tell an innovative and original story featuring a quirky cast that meshed together shockingly well. The result is a modern adventure comedy that’s as funny as it is family-friendly, and you can now stream it on Netflix.

Like A Rock

In Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle, the titular tabletop adventure has been transformed into a ‘90s video game console that is discovered by some hapless high schoolers. They fire up this retro machine and are instantly sucked into the world of the game, which was heavily inspired by everything from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom to the old Pitfall video game. In order to get back to reality, these teens (each stuck inside an adult body) must win the game. That means finding a way to stop its final boss: a mad professor who has taken control of the animals and turned everything in the jungle into a weapon.

The cast of Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle is eclectic, to put it mildly. Dwayne Johnson does his usual action hero thing, but he mercifully leans into his sillier side to embrace the broad comedy of this cinematic caper. The biggest punchlines come courtesy of two other, very different comedians: Kevin Hart, doing his reliably wacky schtick as a pint-sized sidekick, and Jack Black, playing hilariously against type as a teenage girl stuck in a man’s body. Rounding out the cast is Karen Gillan, the former Doctor Who companion who has now fully embraced her Marvel makeover as a modern action star.

If You Die In The Game, You Die In Real Life

The stakes never feel all that high in Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle, but that’s actually part of its appeal. This is a perfect movie when you want to grab a beer and just vibe out on the couch to pure, unadulterated fun. It’s great to watch with your friends because you don’t have to take the plot seriously, and everyone you invite over will love at least one member of the quirky cast. As long as your kiddos aren’t too young, this PG-13 movie is fun for the whole family, and if your teens live on Discord, they’ll enjoy the plot about being trapped in a life-or-death video game.

While Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle is not the most original movie, it’s a great example of how a film can be greater than the sum of its parts. It’s based on the original Jumanji, and it brings in some of the “kids trapped in a fantastic world” elements of classics like Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. Its action/adventure elements are basically what you get if you smash the Indiana Jones and Pirates of the Caribbean franchises together. Plus, the movie borrows heavily from the modern Marvel formula, with a brisk pace that always finds time for some surprisingly funny quips and unexpected punchlines.

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Clean, Dumb Fun

As you can tell, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle isn’t a great choice for anyone looking for a wholly original film. But if you like the movies referenced above, this action-adventure is basically a buffet of genre goodness. Not a high-class buffet, either, but one of those local places that specialize in greasy carb bombs that slow down your heart in a “hurts so good” kinda way. In the spirit of those buffets, Welcome to the Jungle is not exactly a healthy part of your cinematic diet. But for anyone looking to consume a guilty pleasure of film, however, this Jumanji reboot really hits the spot.

Fittingly enough, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle is true to the origins of the franchise. This isn’t a movie that will change your life, and it was never exactly in danger of taking home an Academy Award. But like all great board games and video games, it delivers the best kind of distractions in the form of a breezy plot, charismatic cast, and infectious humor. Whenever you’re ready for a much-needed break from the trials and tribulations of our hellworld, here’s some good news: you can now stream Jumanji: Welcome To the Jungle on Netflix. 

It should be perfectly safe. After all, there’s no way you could possibly get stuck in this movie for the next two decades, right?


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Sister Wives: Christine Mows Over Daddy Kody?

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Sister Wives - Christine Brown - David Woolley

Sister Wives star Kody Brown might not be married to Christine Brown Woolley anymore, but fans think, still to this day, she knows how to rattle him. When her new book arrived on shelves, fans scurried to read her insights on the Brown family. And low and behold, readers suggest that she got a jab in at Kody on the very first page of the book’s prologue.

Sister Wives: Kody Brown Easily Replaced?

Christine Brown Woolley’s new book is an eye-opener on a few topics having to do with Kody Brown and the entire Sister Wives family, both before and after his divorces. Her book, Sister Wife—A Memoir of Faith, Family, and Finding Freedom, offers what some fans see as a jab at Kody as soon as the first page. And this comes through to many fans without her ever using his name.

Sister Wives - Christine Brown - David WoolleySister Wives - Christine Brown - David Woolley
.   Sister Wives | TLC

Reading her book, you get the feeling that she’s reborn after leaving her old life behind. Considering Christine Brown and Kody Brown have six kids together, she will always have ties to him. When she first introduced David Woolley to her kids, reports indicated Kody was not too happy.

From what the Sister Wives viewers caught on screen, it looked as if he felt like someone was taking his place. Now Christine’s new book seems to strengthen that thought for those reading it.

Christine Brown Calls Them “Dad Jokes”

Christine opens up her new book with what a typical day looks like in her life with David Woolley. She shares the house with David and her daughter Truely Brown.

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Christine paints a picture of a very happy daughter, who comes downstairs with a towel, headed to the pool with friends. She also writes how Truely made protein pancakes for the family for breakfast. So, we assume “the family” consists of Christine, David, and Truely.

The third wife and now ex-wife of Kody Brown describes the playful banter between Truely and David while they are at the breakfast table. She writes how Truely playfully looks to Christine for help when David’s “dad jokes” get too much. So, the Sister Wives fans see Christine tagging David as dad for Truely.

Sister Wives: Christine Moves David Woolley into Dad Spot?

Up until her marriage to David Woolley, this Sister Wives star only knew how to share a husband. So, Kody was her part-time husband, as he had three other wives and families that he needed to spend time with.

Sister Wives: Christine Brown - Kody Brown - Truely BrownSister Wives: Christine Brown - Kody Brown - Truely Brown
Sister Wives | TLC

But today, David, who calls Christine several times throughout the day, is all hers. Since Kody doesn’t see Truely very often, which is what Christine has said in the past, did this mom replace Kody with David as her dad figure? To some fans it sounds like she’s presenting David Woolley as the father figure for the only child she has left at home.

And if so, Sister Wives fans surmise that once Kody hears the buzz over what Christine wrote about “Dad,” he won’t be very happy. That’s because it looks like David very easily takes the place of a dad for Truely. But most of all, Christine paints a home of happiness and love, with Truely getting the attention she deserves today. And… her fans are thrilled for both mom and daughter.

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Head back to Soap Dirt for the latest buzz on Sister Wives.

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‘The Sopranos’ Hid Its Darkest Tony Soprano Detail in Plain Sight the Whole Time

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Tony Soprano in The Sopranos

If you are an Italian-American, especially in the Tri-State area, you’re familiar with the slang terms we sometimes use to describe our favorite foods, like “muzzadell” (mozzarella), “rigot” (ricotta), and “proshut” (prosciutto).Most famously, though, the slang term “gabagool” exploded into pop culture, thanks to the HBO hit series The Sopranos. Tony Soprano’s (James Gandolfini) love for the thinly sliced cured meat, gabagool (cappicola), is probably one of the most famous details about the iconic character. However, in the series, gabagool has a deeper and much darker meaning derived from a traumatic experience in Tony’s childhood.

Tony Has a Traumatic Connection to Satriale’s Meat Market in ‘The Sopranos’ Season 3

In the Season 3 episode of The Sopranos, “Fortunate Son,” Dr. Melfi (Lorraine Bracco) is helping Tony get to the bottom of his most recent panic attack. She starts to see an odd connection between Tony’s anxiety attacks and meat. The panic attack that brought him to Dr. Melfi in the first place happened when he was grilling sausages, and the most recent one occurred while he was making a sandwich. Later in the episode, Tony is enjoying a delicious slice of gabagool from the fridge when he’s hit with a panic attack. He recalls a memory from when he was 11 years old, the first time he had an episode. Earlier that day, young Tony (Mark Damiano II) witnessed a truly brutal moment when his father, Johnny Boy (Joseph Siravo), and his Uncle Junior (Rocco Sisto) beat up the owner of the meat shop, Mr. Satriale (Lou Bonacki).

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Collider Exclusive · Action Hero Quiz
Which Action Hero Would Be
Your Perfect Partner?

Rambo · James Bond · Indiana Jones · John McClane · Ethan Hunt

Five legends. Five completely different ways of getting out alive — with style, with muscle, with charm, with luck, or with a plan so intricate it probably shouldn’t work. Ten questions will reveal which action hero was built to have your back.

🎖️Rambo

🍸James Bond

🏺Indiana Jones

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🔧John McClane

🎭Ethan Hunt

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01

You’re dropped into a dangerous situation with no warning. What do you need most from a partner?
The first few seconds tell you everything about who belongs beside you.





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02

You have to get somewhere dangerous, fast. How do you travel?
How you get there is half the mission.





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03

You’re pinned down and outnumbered. What does your ideal partner do?
This is when you find out what someone is really made of.





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04

The mission is paused. You have one evening to decompress. What does your partner suggest?
Who someone is when the pressure drops is who they actually are.





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05

How do you prefer your partner to communicate mid-mission?
Good communication is the difference between partners and a liability.





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06

Your enemy is powerful, well-resourced, and has the upper hand. How should your partner approach them?
The approach to the enemy defines the partnership.





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07

Things go badly wrong and you’re captured. What do you trust your partner to do?
Who someone is when you need them most is the only thing that matters.





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08

What does your ideal partner bring to the table that you couldn’t replace?
A great partner fills the gap you didn’t know you had.





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09

Every partnership has a cost. Which of these can you live with?
No one comes without baggage. The question is whether you can carry it together.





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10

It’s the final moment. Everything is on the line. What do you need from your partner right now?
The last question is the most honest one.





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Your Partner Has Been Assigned
Your Perfect Partner Is…

Your answers have pointed to one action hero above all others. This is the person built to have your back — for better or considerably, spectacularly worse.

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Rambo

Your partner doesn’t talk much, doesn’t need to, and will have assessed every threat in your immediate environment before you’ve finished your first sentence. John Rambo is not a man of plans or politics — he is a force of nature shaped by survival, loyalty, and a capacity for endurance that goes beyond anything training can produce. He will not leave you behind. He has never left anyone behind who deserved to come home. What you get with Rambo is the most capable, most quietly ferocious partner imaginable — one who has been through things that would have broken anyone else, and who chose to keep going anyway. You’ll never need to ask if he has your back. You’ll just know.

James Bond

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Your partner will arrive perfectly dressed, perfectly briefed, and with a cover story so convincing it’ll take you a moment to remember what’s actually true. James Bond is the most professionally dangerous person in any room he enters — and the most disarmingly charming, which is the point. He operates in a world of layers, where nothing is what it appears and every advantage is used without apology. You’ll never be bored. You’ll occasionally be furious. But when it matters — when the mission is genuinely on the line and the margin for error has collapsed to nothing — Bond is exactly the partner you want. He has survived things that have no business being survivable. He does it with style. That is not nothing.

Indiana Jones

Your partner will know the history, the language, the cultural context, and exactly why the thing everyone else is ignoring is actually the most important thing in the room. Indiana Jones is brilliant, reckless, and occasionally impossible — but he is also one of the most resourceful, most genuinely knowledgeable partners you could find yourself beside. He approaches every situation with a scholar’s eye and a brawler’s instinct, which is an unusual combination and a remarkably effective one. He hates snakes and gets personally attached to objects of historical significance, both of which will slow you down at least once. It doesn’t matter. What Indy brings is irreplaceable — and the adventures you’ll have together will be the kind people write books about. Assuming you survive them.

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John McClane

Your partner was not supposed to be here. He does not have the right equipment, the right information, or anything approaching the right odds. He has a sarcastic remark and an absolute refusal to accept that the situation is as bad as it looks. John McClane is the greatest accidental hero in the history of action cinema — a man whose superpower is stubbornness, whose contingency plan is improvisation, and whose capacity to absorb punishment and keep moving would be alarming if it weren’t so useful. He will complain the entire time. He will make it significantly more chaotic than it needed to be. And he will absolutely, unconditionally, without question come through when it counts. Yippee-ki-yay.

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Ethan Hunt

Your partner has already run seventeen scenarios by the time you’ve finished reading the briefing, and the plan he’s settled on involves at least two things that should be physically impossible. Ethan Hunt operates at the absolute edge of human capability — technically, physically, and intellectually — and he brings the same relentless precision to protecting his partners that he brings to dismantling organisations that shouldn’t exist. He is not easy to know and he will never fully tell you everything. But he will carry the weight of the mission so completely, so absolutely, that your job is simply to trust him — and the remarkable thing is that trusting him always turns out to be the right call. The mission will be impossible. He will complete it anyway.

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Although Tony’s father told him not to follow him inside, the young boy didn’t listen and walked in on his father chopping Mr. Satriale’s fingers off with a meat cleaver over an unpaid debt. While this would be traumatic for anyone to see, something Dr. Melfi points out, it left a particularly deep scar on young Tony. That night, when his father carved into the roast for dinner, Tony broke out into a cold sweat and “fainted,” hitting his head on the kitchen floor. From that moment on, his trauma became inextricably linked to Satriale’s Meat Market, the very place Tony would later frequent as an adult, buying meat to feed his family.

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Eating Gabagool Triggers Tony’s Panic Attacks on ‘The Sopranos’

As Tony delves further into the memory with Dr. Melfi, she confirms that Tony’s experience that day was, in fact, his first panic attack and that it now makes sense why meat triggers him She also suggests that the meat symbolizes his father’s violent work, which was condoned by his mother, who cooked the meat he would bring home for free. Perhaps Tony’s anxiety stemmed from the fear that one day, he would have to live up to his father’s violent legacy. Even though Tony tries to downplay it, not wanting to think that deeply about “a slice of gabagool,” Dr. Melfi stresses that understanding the root cause of his anxiety is key to preventing future episodes.

Despite this breakthrough with Dr. Melfi, Tony has no desire to change the lifestyle that makes him Tony Soprano. He certainly isn’t going to stop eating gabagool, and his stubborn mindset about being a gangster keeps him from making any real progress in therapy. His deep connection to his father and the sense of power his work brings him is a recurring theme in The Sopranos, and this dynamic is underscored as Tony grapples with his trauma. The therapy scenes with Tony and Dr. Melfi are some of the most iconic of the whole series, but the ones in “Fortunate Son” stand out as particularly impactful.


Tony Soprano in The Sopranos

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‘The Sopranos’ Made James Gandolfini a Legend, but It Came at a Cost

It took a lot to create Tony Soprano.

While it’s unfortunate that Tony never fully breaks free from the same dangerous patterns, it is understandable why he isn’t willing to cut gabagool out of his diet. After all, it is a beloved and delicious food, but for Tony, it’s much more than that. The Sopranos writers cleverly use gabagool as a symbol of Tony’s connection to his violent lifestyle, making it a representation of the very thing that keeps him stuck in the same cycle of violence that defined his past, present, and future.

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All seasons of The Sopranos are available to stream on Max in the U.S.


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Release Date
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1999 – 2007

Network

HBO

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Showrunner

David Chase

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Directors

Tim Van Patten, John Patterson, Alan Taylor, Jack Bender, Steve Buscemi, Daniel Attias, David Chase, Andy Wolk, Danny Leiner, David Nutter, James Hayman, Lee Tamahori, Lorraine Senna, Matthew Penn, Mike Figgis, Nick Gomez, Peter Bogdanovich, Phil Abraham, Rodrigo García

Writers
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Michael Imperioli, Jason Cahill, Lawrence Konner, David Flebotte, James Manos, Jr., Salvatore Stabile, Toni Kalem, Mark Saraceni, Nick Santora

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Bomb threat reported at Six Flags Magic Mountain, police search park in 'thorough safety check'

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A park spokesperson tells EW authorities conducted a sweep of the park, with its opening delayed until 12:30 p.m. PT.

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‘The Rookie’ Spin-Off Officially Gets the Update Fans Have Been Waiting For

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Nathan Fillion and Ali Larter in The Rookie

This article covers a developing story. Continue to check back with us as we will be adding more information as it becomes available.

ABC has officially ordered The Rookie spin-off, The Rookie: North, to a full series on the network.

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Release Date

October 16, 2018

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Showrunner

Alexi Hawley

Directors
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Tori Garrett, Chi-Yoon Chung, Michael Goi, Sylvain White, Lisa Demaine, Lanre Olabisi, Bill Johnson, David McWhirter, Liz Friedlander, Daniel Willis, Toa Fraser, Anne Renton, Jon Huertas, Cherie Nowlan, TK Shom, Rob Seidenglanz, Valerie Weiss, Barbara Brown, Charissa Sanjarernsuithikul, SJ Main Muñoz, Nelson McCormick, Marcus Stokes, Adam Davidson, Anna Mastro

Writers

Corey Miller, Bill Rinier, Zoe Cheng, Mary Trahan, Ally Seibert, Liz Alper, Nick Hurwitz, Racheal Seymour, Madeleine Coghlan, David Radcliff

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This article covers a developing story. Continue to check back with us as we will be adding more information as it becomes available.

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Kate Middleton Wore This Sweater Top Style for Family Photos

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Anne Hathaway

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Taking royal photos sounds fancy, but the British family decided to do it differently this time around. The Prince and Princess of Wales swapped the palace setting and upscale attire for a casual outdoor backdrop and everyday clothing. Kate Middleton‘s outfit was particularly chic, and as long as you have white pants and this striped sweater style, you can recreate the aesthetic all spring long.

To celebrate their 15th wedding anniversary, Prince William and Princess Kate gathered their crew for the most relaxed royal photoshoot we’ve seen in ages. Middleton kept things low-key, pairing a short-sleeve knit sweater style with crisp white pants. The formula is simple yet so incredibly luxe.

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This Anrabess Short-Sleeve Sweater Top appears identical to Middleton’s blouse, featuring the same clean crew neckline, classic horizontal stripes and ribbed-knit fabric. The wool-blend material gives it a structured drape while the ribbed texture adds a high-end flair.

Anne Hathaway


Related: Anne Hathaway‘s Old Money Tote Style Doubles as a Work Bag

Anne Hathaway leans into clean tailoring, neutral palettes and timeless outfit pieces, all telltale characteristics of old money. Her latest New York appearance nailed the aesthetic, and all it took was this bag style. The actress was spotted in the Financial District looking mega wealthy. She wore a cropped blazer with wide-leg jeans, accessorizing with […]

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And if the thought of wearing wool in the springtime scares you, don’t worry! The breathable, lightweight feel and short-sleeve design make this cozy sweater ideal for the warm months. No clinging or overheating, just comfort and a sleek, flattering fit. Reviewers can attest! “It’s light enough to wear in the summer,” one shopper wrote. “Today was 85 degrees [Fahrenheit] and I was completely comfortable in it.”

Another Amazon fan said that it can “be accessorized nicely to look dressy or with jeans for a nice look.” They said the top is “flattering on all accounts,” and even admitted to buying four different styles.

Pair this knit blouse with the white jeans you already have, and you’ve cloned Middleton’s outfit. From brunches to in-office days, you’ll wear this duo through seasons and occasions without thinking twice. If you’ve been admiring their anniversary photo like Us, this is your sign to add a little royal style to your summer rotation. Your white jeans are waiting.

Get the Anrabess Short-Sleeve Sweater Top for $25 at Amazon! Please note, prices are accurate at the date of publication but are subject to change.

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Kate Middleton


Related: Kate Middleton‘s Baby Blue Blazer Is the Classiest Smart Casual Layer

Not only is Kate Middleton embracing pastels, but also the baby blue trend. Kate Middleton turned a royal visit into a fashion show, wearing a light blue blazer that was equally low-key and sophisticated. We’re copying the expensive look for only $42! During their 15th wedding anniversary, Prince William and Princess Kate stopped in at […]

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Dwayne Johnson Makes Jokes About Kevin Hart’s Wife at Roast

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Tom Brady Calls Out Kevin Hart During Roast Netflix Is A Joke

Dwayne Johnson cracked several raunchy jokes about his pal Kevin Hart’s wife, Eniko Parrish, while Hart was just inches away from him.

On Sunday, May 10, Johnson, 54, was among the celebrities who took part in Netflix’s live The Roast of Kevin Hart special, poking fun at his Jumanji costar’s height and bedroom skills.

“I want to just take a moment to give a shout-out to all the ladies up here on this dais. You all look beautiful, magnificent, sexy,” the wrestler-turned-actor said before turning to Parrish, 41, who was sitting in the audience.

He then added, “You know who else looks sexy? Kevin’s wife, Eniko.”

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Tom Brady Calls Out Kevin Hart During Roast Netflix Is A Joke


Related: Tom Brady Calls Out Kevin Hart for Cheating on Wife Eniko Parrish

Tom Brady took a savage swipe at Kevin Hart — in the name of comedy. During Netflix’s The Roast of Kevin Hart, which streamed live on the platform on Sunday, May 10, Brady, 48, appeared on stage to throw a brutal jab at Hart, 46. “All right, this won’t take long, because, as you guys […]

Hart, 46, appeared to bristle at Johnson’s remarks, exclaiming, “What the f***?” But the Smashing Machine actor said he was simply “giving her compliments.”

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Johnson continued his routine, joking that Parrish “deserves an Academy Award for pretending she likes to f*** you.”

The actor then suggested that he and Parrish get together, “open up a bottle of tequila and, you know …” before exclaiming, “Stop squirming, Kevin!”

Fellow participant Chelsea Handler got in on the joke, telling Hart, “Don’t you think it’s time for Eniko to be with somebody that is bigger than her?”

Dwayne Johnson Makes Raunchy Jokes About Kevin Hart's Wife
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Hart’s 5-foot-2 stature was also the butt of several jokes on Saturday night. Johnson quipped that he now understood why women love Hart. “He’s the same size and color as their favorite dildo, and the little motherf***er is twice as loud,” he said.

Johnson brought up Parrish again as he wrapped up his comedic roast, telling Hart, “I love you. … Just to prove it, just last week, I got a Kevin Hart tattoo on my c***. Yeah, life-size, too… Eniko, I’ll show you later. Kidding. She’s already seen it!”

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“Why would you say that about my f***ing wife? I want to talk to you later,” Hart clapped back, to which Johnson responded, “But you’re the one who said, ‘Hey, listen, f***ing say anything you want!’”

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See Kevin Hart and Eniko Parrish's Newborn Daughter Kaori's 1st Pic


Related: Kevin Hart and Eniko Parrish’s Blended Family Album

Blended brood! Kevin Hart was a two-time father when he married Eniko Parrish, and the couple went on to have children of their own. The model welcomed her husband’s children with his ex-wife, Torrei Hart — Heaven and Hendrix — with open arms when they wed in August 2016 in California. Kevin explained via Instagram […]

NFL legend Tom Brady also took a brutal shot at Hart during his own roast, addressing Hart’s infidelity in 2017 while his wife was pregnant. (Hart publicly apologized to Parrish in an Instagram video after cheating on her during a trip to Las Vegas.)

“All right, this won’t take long, because, as you guys know, I’m a busy man,” Brady joked. “But I do have a few words for you before I return to my affairs in Las Vegas. Oh, wait, I’m talking about affairs in Las Vegas. Was that off? Not supposed to talk about affairs in Vegas? I think I broke another rule. F*** it. I talked about it.”

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Pete Davidson delivers shocking Charlie Kirk joke at Kevin Hart roast

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The comedian referred to the assassination of the Turning Point USA leader, who was killed last year.

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“The View” cohosts silent on FCC drama in first live episode since Disney legal filing

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Disney filed a petition for declaratory ruling last week, alleging that the FCC’s actions “threaten to upend decades of settled law and practice and chill critical protected speech” with regard to “The View.”

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